Driven By Fear
by Zeragii
Summary: Sometimes the worst moments of our lives turn out to be our best...Or lead to the best. People change, after all; and most times for the better. It's the process that hurts. And, boy, did it hurt! But, now, looking back, we see a reason behind the hurt. A reason for the tears, and confusion; the fears...Something so wonderful, it even makes me, Joy, dim in comparison.
1. Prologue

_Joy felt helpless._

 _She stood, hands pressed against the invisible barrier; her usually cheerful face contorted into a grimace of horror and grief. No matter how hard she pushed; no matter how hard she struggled, Joy could not get through._

 _It hurt._

 _It physically hurt her to see what was happening. And it hurt all the more that she knew there was nothing she could do about it; nor could the other members of Riley's collective emotions. Disgust stood slightly behind Joy, eyes wide and hands ceaselessly clenching and unclenching in front of her. Her gaze locked, she had long since given up her efforts of breaking through. All Disgust could do was watch; her stomach twisting inside of her. It made her sick; an illness founded in deep, growing repulsion._

 _But there was nothing she could do._

 _To Joy's left, Anger continued to pound and fight against the barrier, just as he had been since the structure had first been erected. The top of his head glowed with a warningly bright mix of light and heat; a testimony to his frustration and temper. But a look in his eyes; a hint of desperation, proved just how scared he truly was._

 _But there was nothing he could do._

 _And Sadness, who stood motionless, hands resting, unmoving, against the structure's smooth, impenetrable surface, took in the sight with sorrowful, pained eyes. Her compassion flowing from her very being, she watched, as they all did; wanting nothing more than to hold out a hand and help their friend, who stood so close, but was so out of their reach. Trapped and separated by his own choice, they could not get through to him; the barrier blocking their every attempt. It robbed them of hope; paralyzed their function; crippled their purpose._

 _For no matter how hard they fought, and argued, and begged..._

 _Fear would not let them in..._

That...That must have been the worst moment of Riley's life...Of _our_ life. I can still remember it so clearly, even though, now, it no longer carries the pain it once did. But those feelings haven't been forgotten, though Saddness, Fear, Anger, Disgust, and I have often considered chucking the Memory Orbs into the Memory Dump many a time. But something always stops us; a calm understanding that wasn't even present; couldn't even _exist_ back when the Memories were made. We know now that those Memories are important; crusial to Riley's very soul. To our very soul. It was a turning point we never could have forseen. Especially when we had fought so hard against it at the time.

Sometimes the worst moments of our lives turn out to be our best...Or lead to the best. People change, after all; and most times for the better. It's the process that hurts. And, _boy_ , did it hurt! But, now, looking back, we see a reason behind the hurt. A reason for the tears, and confusion, the _fears_...

Which led to something so wonderful; so amazing, that it even makes me, Joy, dim in comparison.

* * *

 **Hi, I'm Zeragii!**

 **I saw the movie Inside Out and instantly fell in love with the character of Fear; which is ironic, since fear has been something I have struggled with for many years. Then I got the idea that, 'Hey, why don't I tell the story of how I dealt with those fears, using the characters from Inside Out?'. Hmmm, worth a shot. I know there are already a few stories about Fear 'taking control', but I couldn't help myself. And since it is my real life story, based on my real life, it shouldn't be a copy of anyone, since all our lives are different. But still, if you are bothered, please let me know. :) And if it somehow relates to your own life, let me know; because sometimes we suffer certain things so that we can help others through something similar.**

 **So why would I want to share something like that; after all, it's pretty personal, right? Well, I am a firm believer that the reason we go through certain experiences, is so that we can share them with others; so that maybe, just maybe, we can help someone else through the same kind of trial. I believe that completely. I will use Riley in this story, since the first part of her life largely reflects my own. We both went through the hardship of moving, and the emotional joys, angers, disgusts, sadness, and fears that come along with it. Which leads to a much longer story...**

 **I do not own anything related to Disney and Pixar's Inside out. I do not write for profit; I write only for my own enjoyment and, hopefully, the enjoyment of others.**

 **To be continued...**


	2. High Expectations

"Joy, for Heaven's sake, will you slow down!" Disgust never had a hard time of making herself heard. Her additude spoke for itself; a nasally whine punctuated by obvious distaste. "You're making Riley spill milk all over the table! It's going to sit there and get all smelly and crusty and- Yick!" The green-shaded emotion shivered in self-induced horror just at the thought.

Joy, however, merely chuckled. With another enthused push of a lever, she reassured her friend. "Aw, come on, Disgust; Riley's excited! She's been waiting for this all month! Practically forever!" She pushed a button on the console that seemed to make Riley work through her bowl of cereal with even more vigor. Bits of Cinnamon Loops escaped her spoon, along with droplets of creamy white milk, falling to the wooden surface of the tabletop in intricate, abstract patterns. It was a good thing Mom had taken the tablecloth off to wash it, otherwise the consequences of the resulting mess might have been more severe. "Anyway, Mom will clean it up long before any of that happens." She gave a shake of her head, a smile clearly visible on her face.

Disgust still appeared to be fully unhappy with Riley's less-than-proper behavior, but decided to remain quiet. But she wasn't the only one with concerns.

"Careful," Fear warned from Joy's immediate right. "You don't want her to choke." Joy gave him a look of amused exasperation. "What?!" he exclaimed indignantly, "It happens all the time! It could happen; lots of things could happen. She could choke, or scratch her throat with dry cereal, or-"

"Or spray milk out her nose, like Meg made her do once," Disgust interjected with a shudder.

Fear crossed his thin arms over his chest. "Exactly."

Joy paused and looked at her two friends. They gazed back at her with obvious concern, and though Joy knew they meant well, she knew their worry was completely unfounded. But since her adventure with Sadness, in which she had come to realize that every entity within Riley served a very important purpose, Joy had come to understand that she needed to listen to her companions rather than push them away. Even if their suggestions seemed ridiculous. With a sigh, she eased up on the console a bit; slowing Riley's rate a bit. Though, still, only a little.

Knowing that Fear and Disgust couldn't be the only ones feeling bothered by Riley's actions this morning, Joy turned to her left, where Sadness and Anger resided. She expected to see them glaring at her; well, Anger at least, but, instead, she found them occupied with the View Screen. Anger was grinning in a lopsided fashion; probably tickled pink by Riley's sloppy performance of etiquette . It went against all the 'mamby pamby, girly girl manners', as Anger called it, that Riley's Aunt Kelsey always tried to force into them. Riley just wasn't that type of kid. She liked to get dirty; liked to play rough, that was why she liked hockey. Aunt Kelsey's long-winded speeches seemed unfair to Anger; and Anger was all about things being fair. If Riley wanted to be a slobby tomboy, Anger saw nothing wrong with that.

Sadness seemed content. In fact, she wasn't doing anything. Her hands, held gently folded in front of her, weren't even touching the console. It meant that, as far as Riley's mind was concerned, there was no need for Sadness to intervene. But it also made Joy a little nervous. Since Riley had run away five months before; back when they had just moved from Minnesota, Joy had relied on Sadness a lot more. It had gotten to the point that Joy sometimes felt uneasy when Sadness wasn't directly at her side. Why? Joy couldn't say; but she soon found herself thinking that way about all the Emotions. They were a team after all. They had to work together, all the time. Joy shuddered to think what would happen otherwise. Riley's world had already nearly fallen apart once; for it to happen again would be crippling.

Joy shook the negative thoughts from her mind, as if it were a physical thing she could dislodge. She was not going to let those thoughts get to her. Everything was fine now. Riley was thirteen now; practically an adult. In the last five months she had made friends at school, redecorated her room, asked Meg back in Minnesota to forgive her, and was making progress in all her subjects, even math. Life in San Francisco were turning out to be far better then they had seemed. In fact, Riley was starting to love it. Oh, sure, she still missed their old home. If she thought about it too deeply the tears would always come back, usually in the dark of night, when no one could see. But during the day Riley forgot about it; her mind occupied with making new memories.

And that was the way the Emotions liked it.

All the chaos from before had settled. Things were under control. And now, with a warm Summer on the way, Riley's parents had given their daughter an awesome gift. The money to go away to camp for one, solid week. Riley had been so excited as her Mom and Dad had presented her with the pamphlet, depicting children having the time of their lives on the cover. There was to be boating, and swimming, and campfires with S'mores. Not to mention competitive games, of which Riley was sure to excel at. Just the thought had gotten Joy so excited that she had taken over the console completely for a good half hour; despite the fact that it was now large enough for all the Emotions to use at once. The others had simply let her have her moment; nearly as thrilled as Joy herself. Even Sadness had cracked a smile.

But that was two weeks ago now; and, while Joy's enthusiasm still ran high, as was her nature, the others were starting to have their doubts. Fear had come up with an enormous book - No, an entire _series_ \- of all the things that could possibly go wrong. Joy had heard them so many times now that she could rehearse the first six pages from memory. There was a section for everything; every possible scenario. Everything from stubbing her toe on a rock, to accidentally awaking a dormant volcano while playing kickball. But it was Fear's job, so Joy let him do it; even though it started to effect others in the process.

Sadness, for one, was sad about leaving Mom and Dad behind, while Disgust and Anger insisted that Riley could make it just fine on her own. After all, it was a camp. There were people there to watch out for Riley; keep her safe. And it was only for a week. What could happen?

Joy was determined to make sure Riley had the time of her life.

Riley finished her breakfast in record time, practically throwing her empty bowl in the sink before racing up the stairs guided second-handedly by Fear, who insisted that a broken leg would destroy all thought of camp in a heartbeat. Riley grabbed her sleeping bag and gear and then carefully, but swiftly, made her way to the door, with her parents trailing behind her.

"Why are they taking so long?!" Anger growled impatiently, moving to deftly flick a switch at his side.

 _"Hurry up! Come on; we're going to be late!"_ Riley's voice sounded, an annoyed tinge glinting within it almost as clearly as the red hue that had taken over the panel. Joy immediately followed the statement with a giggle. She didn't want Riley to sound disrespectful. After all, this trip was only possible because of her Mom and Dad's generosity. Anger gave her a glare, but did nothing in retaliation. Her action also sent a wave of power to Goofball Island, which had been restored and expanded since the whole Core Memory Displacement Fiasco. That only fueled Joy's smile.

 _"We're coming; we're coming,"_ Riley's father responded, all in good humor. He inserted the key into the door as they left the house, making sure it was locked before the three of them got into the car.

The rest of the ride, in all honesty, was completely blocked out by Riley and her Emotions. Her eyes didn't perceive the outside world, but, instead, occupied her with numerous Daydreams of what camp would be like. Riley had never been to one; her family never really having had the money. And how they were suddenly able to afford it now was beyond Riley's knowledge, but, at the moment, Riley didn't care. Her imagination was full of the 'perfect camp'. With more fun than she had ever had before running its course inside her head, it wasn't long before the hour trip was over, and Riley found herself standing outside of the car before a large sign that declared 'Welcome' for all to see.

 _"Well, Sweetie, you're all signed in,"_ Mom said, a hint of sadness in her own voice. She began smoothing Riley's hair, commenting that everything would be fine, and that they would be back to pick her up Saturday morning. All the fussing resulted in Anger once again flipping a switch, this time simultaneously with Disgust.

 _"Mom, I'll be fine."_

By now, the Emotions had gotten used to Mixed Emotion Orbs; Memories made from more than one Emotion. Two-tone, and just as bright as any Memory, the shelves in headquarters were filled with them; lines of round lanterns of swirling combinations of gold, blue, red, green, and purple. In fact, it was becoming increasingly rare for a Memory to be of a single color anymore.

Boy, Riley's Emotions were getting complicated.

Mom sent Dad a worried look, which was completely absent from the father's face. Her plea for reassurance left unanswered as Dad locked Riley in a bear hug. _"Have fun, Kiddo!"_ was his only support, and those in Riley's headquarters got the feeling it hadn't really been the kind Mom had been hoping for. Riley gave them both a smiley; anxious and excited to get down to the awesome life of camp.

Goodbyes were made as a camp councilor helped Riley unload her stuff from the trunk. And before Riley even really noticed, Mom and Dad had left. Hauling her remaining items in a travel case behind her, Riley only looked back once; just a flicker of Fear and Sadness in her eyes.

But that was quickly replaced by Joy.

* * *

 **Well, there's my first chapter. It might be a little slow at first; I've got a lot to build on...Looks like Joy might not have learned her lesson as well as she thought. She still wants to drive; be the main Emotion.**

 **But, well...Sometimes our main Emotions change...**


	3. A Sudden Blow

With a _clunk_ and the sound of rolling glass, a blue Memory rolled along the track to _chink_ against those already lining the shelves. The noise sounded loud in the silence, as well as the silence that followed. It was almost as blue a void as the Memory itself, replaying over and over within its smooth surface. The Emotions gazed at it sadly; their mood equally dismal. Even Joy felt dowsed in a sudden depression.

They let Sadness drive.

It seemed appropriate, under the circumstances. There was no reason to resist it, and certainly no reason to ignore it. The Emotions all removed their hands, allowing the blue-shaded emotion to take complete control. Sadness looked up at the screen, longing and sorrow visible to an almost heart-rending extent. Her chubby fingers moved slowly over her section of the console, causing a blue glow to emulate from within its various, inner workings. It was almost a calming sight, at least to the Emotions themselves. Blue, to them, meant correction; a righting of wrongs.

Or, at least, it _had_ been in the past.

Riley gazed into the flames of the campfire before her, causing the warm, orange glow to illuminate every corner of Headquarters. It was calming; almost mesmerizing. But, across the console under Sadness's direction, lights blinked and flickered, indicating that not all was right with Riley. A circle over here told of the stomach ache the young girl was experiencing. A triangle over there was warning that Riley's depressive moods were higher than normal. And a square on the lower part of the panel flashed blue, indicating that tears were ready and waiting to fall. In short...

Riley was homesick.

Oh, how she wished that she had paid more attention to her parents before they had left. She wished that she had soaked up her mother's worried affection; let her family hug the living daylights out of her. She'd give anything to be back home now. Back around familiar surroundings and familiar sounds. A tear rolled down her cheek. She missed home so much.

The day itself had gone wonderfully. Riley had been filled with Joy all throughout the morning and afternoon. She had been swimming, hiking, eaten two delicious meals, and had laughed more than she had in a long time. She even tried the ropes course, despite a twinge of Fear. The food at the camp was fantastic; they even let her have seconds of dessert, and through it all Riley had not even thought of home. Things had been great. A dream come true.

Until darkness fell.

Images of her home; of her family and belongings filled her thoughts, and no matter how hard Joy tried to dislodge them, there was just no getting rid of them. It had started at dinner, when her mind had wandered to Mom's cooking, and things had just gone downhill from there. She all at once had no desire to be at camp. When Joy tried to recall some fun Memories from the day to shift Riley's mood, for some reason the Memories would not come. The recall tubes were perfectly functional, but, for some reason, they were left with nothing but new, troubled thoughts. The entire system seemed intent on Riley being miserable. And since they had no other choice, the Emotions let her be. Reluctantly.

"Why is she acting like this?!" Disgust asked in frustration. In her mind, it was ridiculous that all their fun and excitement should be ruined by the string of thoughts now occupying Riley's thinking. Mom and Dad were cool. Okay; really cool. But it would be very _uncool_ to let anyone know that Riley believed that. To cry, as Riley certainly appeared to be nearly capable of, would be humiliating. They could see all the other children and their counselors around the fire pit, faces glowing in the warm light; smiles of happiness pasted deeply in their expressions. As far as she could tell, Disgust saw that Riley was the only one who was having any trouble. If she cried now, everyone would see her. What would the other kids think?

Anger rolled his eyes, gesturing with a hand back toward the way he guessed Riley's parents might be. "She misses home, just like when we moved to San Francisco!" He snorted, crossing his arms across his wide chest in great irritation. "And we all remember how well _that_ all worked out."

Fear sent Anger a frightened glance, before flitting his eyes to Joy and Sadness. It had been five months now, since Riley had nearly run away, but the Memory was still ingrained in each and every one of their minds. Fear could remember the emptiness and pent-up sorrow that Riley had been harboring. He could remember how the various Personality Islands had started to shut down and crumble. It had truly been the worst day of his life. He had been certain that it was the end; for all of them as well as Riley. After all, how would Riley be...well, Riley, when she had literally been falling apart from the inside? How does one even fix something like that? And, at the time, Fear had really believed that there had been no cure at all. If any existed, he might have stacked his bet on Joy. But it had been Sadness who had saved the day in the end. Who ever could have guessed how healing a good cry could be?

But that didn't mean that Riley had been healed immediately. She still missed Minnesota. She missed Meg, and the team, and her old home. And the threat, at least, in Fear's understanding, was always there that everything might crumble again. Riley had far more Personality Islands now than she had ever had before, but just how strong were they? What one thing could happen that could cause it all to fail, just like before? Fear had come to realize just how fragile Riley was on the inside, and it terrified him. Now that Anger was bringing it back up, his extensive, Possible Disaster List was growing in his mind.

 _What if Riley gets sick? What if Riley gets hurt? What if Mom and Dad forget about us, or got the wrong pick-up date? What if something important comes up while she's gone?_

The possibilities were endless. Of course, there were other possible chaos that might ensue, but Joy had told Fear that San Francisco wasn't home to monsters, and earthquakes were non-existent. Good thing, or he was sure he'd be _completely_ freaked out by now. But that didn't allay any of his other fears. What _if_ something happened?

Without meaning to, Fear leaned against a lever on his section of the console. It lit up in a gentle purple, and Riley started trembling slightly, before he realized and quickly backed away. Sadness, large eyes turning to him for just a moment, seemed to study him before going back to work, the console once more becoming encased with blue. He hadn't meant to touch anything. That was one thing about the console he didn't like; it was so easy to disturb, especially lately. Ever since the move. More things to worry about...

"Aw, everything'll be just fine," Joy's positive character insisted, breaking into the purple Emotion's thoughts. "This is just a little homesickness. Remember, a few years ago, the first time we did a sleepover at Meg's?"

Fear remembered. Just like at camp, everything had been fun and good during the day. But once night had hit, all Riley had wanted was to go home. Meg had tried to console her, and had succeeded; though not before a good portion of the night had been spent in dark, negative misery. Misery and fear. The darkness in Meg's room had seemed so much more noticeable away from home. Every sound had just reminded Riley of how much she wanted to be in her own bed. Naturally, when morning had come, Riley had forgotten all about the night before and had continued on with her fun day with her friend, as if nothing had ever been wrong. But Fear hadn't forgotten.

"Yeah, we remember," Anger huffed, glaring up at the Viewscreen.

Joy smiled. "Well, I'm sure it's just like that. Riley will go to bed, fall asleep, and then have a fantastic day tomorrow! All she needs is a distraction." Her eyes lit up as movement made its way onto the screen. "Look! Marshmallows! And _chocolate!_ The councilors are bringing out the makings for S'mores!" Joy moved forward, getting Sadness's silent permission before pressing a series of buttons. To all their relief, the console responded and a number of the flashing lights went out.

A small smile made its way across Riley's face.

"All we need to do is keep her occupied so that she can't think about how much she misses home." Joy pressed the console, causing Riley's arm to shoot up in anticipation of receiving the soon-to-be snack. It was a simple plan really. Very simple. And it might have worked...if not for what soon followed.

Riley's parents had informed them weeks ago that this particular camp was a " _religious_ " camp. Riley had really been too excited to care, and her parents hadn't seemed to mind. None of them ever went to church, unless you counted once or twice at Christmas. But, at least it had been sure to be a safe environment; even if they did talk about a lot of things Riley just didn't quite understand. It was camp, and that was really all she cared about. They played games, they hiked, they had a swimming pool. They even had a farm right next door; close enough that they could walk over and pet the horses that grazed there. They had something called 'Morning Praise Time', which Riley actually really liked. The music wasn't like the hymns she was used to hearing on those rare trips to the nearby congregation. These songs were fast and loud. The kind she could really jump around to, as they were encouraged by the councilors to do. Though she had no idea what the songs were even remotely about, Riley found herself in awe at how different...how _normal_ they sounded. Some of them even resembled rock, pop, and rap. Not that Riley really liked rap, but the upbeat stuff she certainly did.

All in all, it wasn't so bad. Anger had been worried about the 'religious people' pushing their beliefs on them. He would have turned completely against the trip if they had. But they didn't. They shared interesting stories, some of which Riley recognized from the other couple of times she had gone to church. They didn't make all that much sense, but she sort of liked them. Bible study had been a little slow. Actually, kind of painful. All she wanted was to get to the more physical activities. Disgust had certainly agreed. If Riley had wanted to read, she would have stayed home. Camp was supposed to be fun. Sitting still was not Riley's idea of fun. But she had managed to control her squirming, staying respectful even when her mind and body wanted nothing more than to take off and release all its pent-up energy.

But now, as the children, Riley included, sat around the fire, jostling gently to get a good toasting spot, they roasted their marshmallows in perfect, childly bliss. Homesickness momentarily forgotten, Riley nestled down to enjoy the remaining hours before bed. All at once, one particular councilor came forward, raising her hand to get their attention.

 _"Hello everyone,''_ her voice called out, and the Emotions recognized her as one of Riley's favorite camp staff members; a woman she had really grown close to throughout the day. She was kind, and gentle, and very cheerful. She almost seemed to glow with positivity, and the Emotions thought her relation to Joy was uncanny. _"You can keep roasting your marshmallows and stuff, but while you do so, I want to tell you a story."_

Joy's eyes lit up at once. "A story? _Yes_! Just what Riley needs right now!" Anger muttered something beside her about it hopefully not being as boring as Bible Study, but Joy ignored him. She turned a knob that focused Riley's attention. To either side of her, Fear and Sadness backed away slightly from the console, unneeded at the moment. Joy smiled. Even though she understood the importance of her fellow Emotions, she still enjoyed having the console to herself. She felt she had always been meant to be Riley's main Emotion, and, while the others certainly viewed her as such, it was sometimes very hard to be so. But, slowly, she was beginning to realize that her job wasn't to control, but to regulate just when it was appropriate for each Emotion to do their part. It didn't always turn out that way, since they couldn't always seem to work together, but things were getting better. That was why Joy felt so glad when things actually did work out, and she witnessed her companions stepping forward and back on their own accord. Like right now.

Joy spread her shining fingertips over the console, ready to react as the councilor started her story.

 _"My name is Andria Webber*. I'm a councilor here, and have been for several years. I used to come here when I was your age, and, well, from then on I was hooked. I started in the kitchen, and worked my way up. This is my third year as_ councilor." She took a breath. _" A lot of you know me quite well now, even those of you who only met me today. We've had a lot of fun, and I have been told by many of you that you think I am a very happy person."_ She chuckled. _"For that, I thank you. It means a lot to hear that, but I haven't always been that way._ I _was a very happy kid when I was all your ages._ _I lived with my father in Texas. My mother had died when I was little, so I loved my father very much."_

"That's...sad." Sadness's eyes welled up with tears of compassion. What this poor girl must have gone through. Gently, she reached out and brushed a button that lowered Riley's enthusiasm with a tinge of disappointment. What would Riley do if she ever lost Mom? It was unthinkable.

Even Joy seemed a little dimmed by the words. "Maybe it...will get better?" She leaned forward, watching now even more intently.

 _"I loved to go on trips with my father, and we did everything together."_

Fear suddenly felt a little uneasy, like he always did whenever Riley was reading a suspenseful book. Like when Riley watched a movie with a particularly foreboding beginning. "She s-said ' _did_ everything together'," he pointed out shakily. It wasn't really necessary, since, just by the other Emotions faces, he could tell that they too had caught on as he had already to the woman's choice of phrasing.

 _"My family had never really gone to church, and I had never really given much thought to God, or Heaven, or anything like that. I just lived my life and didn't really think about one day until the next."_

"Oh, great," Anger hissed under his breath. "Its more of that stupid, Bible stuff." He fisted a hand and hit down on a button that made Riley roll her eyes. "We heard enough of this earlier, why do we need to hear more?!" He turned inquiringly to Joy, but found her captivated by the councilor's words. Anger snorted, suddenly remembering that happiness wasn't the only feeling that stemmed from Joy; but also curiosity.

 _"Then, my father got cancer."_

It was like a blow to the gut. Cancer? Riley felt mixed emotions at that. Anger that such a terrible disease existed, Sadness and sorrow for the woman before her whose voice she was certain had broken for just a moment. The smile had become weaker, more of a grimace.

 _"I was so scared. I didn't want to lose him, like I had already lost my mother."_ Her voice quivered, Sadness was sure of it. _"So I did something I had never done before. I prayed. I made a deal with God. I told Him that if he kept my father safe, then I would go to church more often, and read my Bible. I was certain that my father would be alright now; after all, God and me had a deal. But what I didn't know was that people don't make deals with God. God has a plan, and we can't change it."_

Fear edged closer to the console, eyes locked on the downcast woman on the Viewscreen. She looked so beautiful in the firelight. Her hair was down, free to blow in the gentle wind, while her baggy T-shirt fluttered around her thin frame. The other Emotions were too captivated to see him reach out and lightly flip a switch. Riley felt a chill of fear run up her spine. She knew what was going to happen, just as Fear did. Stories like this only ended one way.

 _"Ironically, it wasn't the cancer that killed my father. He used to work for a trucking company, delivering supplies and goods from one state to another. I often went with him, sometimes sleeping on the little bed behind the driver's seat. But one night, I got a cold. Had a fever, so he made me stay home. I was upset of course, knowing that I wouldn't see him for a few days. But he insisted. He left and I stayed. The next morning, I received the news that he had died in an accident."_ Her breath hitched as she tried to hold back a sob. Sadness could see the subject still stung her greatly. _"I was so...so angry with God. I felt as though he had gone back on his promise...That he had broken our little deal."_ The conviction in the woman's eyes was heartrending. _"I couldn't believe that my father was gone...and I blamed God for it. I was convinced that God must have hated me, why else would he torture me like that? I was eleven then. After that, life got harder..."_

But Riley didn't consciously hear the rest.

Fear's sweating hands griped the levers on the console so tightly his knuckles had turned white. He was refusing to listen any longer, a horrible realization dawning on him. His message and influences on Riley were so strong at this moment, that those in Headquarters could no longer even hear the councilor's story. It was as if someone had hit the mute button on life. All they could hear was Riley heart thumping in her ears, and all they could see was a haze of dancing firelight as Riley's eyes welled up with unshed tears. A new fear, terrible, twisted, and incredibly strong, wound its way into the inner workings of Riley's mind. Fear wasn't sure whether he was supplying her with this new horror, or if she were supplying it to him. They were as one, united in one frightening thought...

What if she lost someone _she_ loved?

* * *

 ***Andria Webber = Not her real name.**

 **Hello again! Yes, this is a Christian story. It does say this is a drama/spiritual story. But please understand that I am not trying to push anything on anyone; remember, this is a true story. It is an account of something that happened to me. Well, besides the people in my head. But my Emotions were just like this, I can remember it so clearly. I went to a camp, had a great time, and really did hear a story very similar to the councilor's in this story (not exactly the same, since her real story she probably wouldn't want me to write). But her story scared me...terribly. And it set in motion a string of events that might have killed me...but, in the end, actually saved my life.**

 **So please, Christian or no, don't be turned off by any of this. I mean, don't read this if you don't like it, and don't feel guilty if you want to take my story out of your favorites. I won't be offended. :) Just, please keep in mind, this isn't just something I'm writing off the top of my head.**

 **Riley is me.**

 **Thank you. :)**


	4. Nightmares

"Fear, for the last time, will you _stop_ recalling _that_ _Memory_!"

Anger's voice was livid, almost at the boiling point, Fear knew; but, for some reason, that didn't worry him as much as usual. At the moment, not taking yet another look at the Memory in question would have been more frightening than Anger's wrath. He gazed up at the Viewscreen, captivated by its eerie, purple glow as the image played once again. It had become a sort of symbolic mark in Riley's life. Not a Core Memory, thank goodness, but certainly one that wouldn't fade for a long time.

It had been a week since camp. Riley had had a wonderful time, and her homesickness had, indeed, subsided as the camp days and nights had continued. She had made friends, won a few Camp Awards for her athletic abilities, and she had made a number of crafts that she was particularly proud of. But, through it all, and even after she had returned home, the memory of that one councilor's story would come back to her. It made her cringe, and it made her stomach twist and her knees feel weak. When she had finally gotten picked up by her parents, she had soaked in the pure relief of seeing them alive and well. And so had Fear...

Except, that didn't ease his worry.

A strong hand slammed into Fear's side, effectively pushing him away from the console. It hurt - probably going to become a bruise later - but, somehow, Fear's main concern was to try and view the Memory. Planting his feet firmly in place, Fear held his ground.

"Anger, Fear; stop it!"

And that would be Joy.

She was watching in concern, having suddenly stepped between the warring Emotions. Her normally cheerful face was awash with a weary sense of exhaustion and, oddly enough, worry. She had been dealing with this for days now, ever since their return from camp. Not that it was unusual for Anger to push Fear around on any old day of the year, but what was different this time was that Fear had started to push back. He wasn't paying much attention to Anger's warning, nor Disgust's insults, nor her or Sadness's gentler words. Fear was so gosh-darn focused on what had happened at camp, that he was starting to concern himself with only that one thing. And Joy knew that couldn't be healthy, for Fear or Riley.

"Guy's it's late," she intoned with a yawn, trying to bring back a little of her carefree essence. "Let Riley sleep, she's going to need to be rested for tomorrow." The poor girl had hockey practice the next morning, and yet she was still awake at 2:30 pm, staring at the ceiling, worries a constant companion. It reminded the Emotions an awful lot of the time Riley had nearly run away. Though both Joy and Sadness had not been there to witness it, they could sense it in the uneasiness that had settled in Riley's mind. In Fear, Anger, and Disgust.

Riley was deeply troubled.

Anger growled, sending Fear a blazing glare. "Tell that to _him_!" Turning to do the job himself, the red Emotion got as close to Fear's face as his short stature would allow, until all Fear could see was a bleary view of eyes staring heatedly into his own. He couldn't help thinking that Anger looked uncommonly like a drill sergeant, like the one Riley had seen in that old war movie she had watched a few nights before. A silly thought, under the circumstances. "Look," Anger growled, keeping calm with visible effort, "we know it's your job to keep Riley safe, but _obsessing_ over something that's probably not going to ever happen is _stupid_!"

Fear flinched slightly, as though the red Emotion's voice were a dagger into his soul. Lowering his eyes, he focused them on what little floor he could see between them. He looked so hurt, Anger almost regretted his harsh words. Almost.

"Riley's fine. Riley's parents are fine. Riley's friends are fine. And we're fine." Fear shifted his gaze to Joy as she spoke. The brightest Emotion had moved closer, always the mediator during times like this, when something had caused an unbalanced feeling in Headquarters. "There's nothing to be afraid of. What could happen?"

Fear's mind nearly reeled at such a naive question. Didn't Joy understand that, just because everything was fine and dandy now, didn't mean it always would be?! Life had a habit of throwing chaos and danger and hurt - a whole lot of hurt - at little girls like Riley. Sometimes the mere prospect of just how big a job it was to keep her safe was overwhelming. What could happen?! The list was endless! Disease, injury, getting lost, darkness, earthquakes, tornadoes, sharks, poisonous spiders, alien invaders...What could one little Emotion, inside of one little girl, do to protect Riley from such danger. There was _plenty_ to be afraid of!

Fear opened his arms wide, eyes showing the passionate rant he was about to launch into. Joy instantly decided that, both for their sake and Riley's, she would have to put her foot down. Crossing her arms over her chest, she gave the sternest look she could muster. "Fear," she said warningly, trying to somehow make herself more intimidating. "Riley has to get some rest. Tomorrow is another day-"

"Yeah, of _worrying_."

Joy frowned at Anger's interruption before continuing. "Tomorrow is another day, and we can deal with things then, as they come."

Fear glanced around him, taking in the various moods of his friends. Joy seemed serious, even though, try as she might, she could never quite get that angry look down. Anger, on the other hand, was a master, and didn't hesitate to show his disfavor. Disgust seemed annoyed, probably tired, like they all were. Sadness, as usual, watched silently, taking in the actions of the others. It was a little uncomfortable sometimes, the way she seemed to be able to look right through you to the very heart of a problem or hurt.

Fear finally nodded slowly. They were right after all. Riley needed sleep. They all did. "Alright," he said rather weakly, and the others, even Anger, seemed relieved that he had given up the fight. Then, as an after thought, he added, "I can do dream dut-"

"No!"

Anger cleared his throat, not having meant to answer so strongly. He straightened his tie and gave Fear an extra potent glare. "No. It's my turn." He left it at that. He did not want Fear at the console any longer, not even for Dream Duty. Fear had a habit of getting scared by the dreams anyway. Anger, though he never would have admitted it, found quite of them disturbing himself. But, seeing as Fear already had enough to fret over, it would probably be better if he took the shift, his turn or no. Besides, as much as he disliked a lot of the unfortunate traits that Fear possessed, Anger still cared about the purple Emotion's well-being. And right now, Fear looked terrible. Rest was something he _definitely_ needed.

Fear, wisely, didn't argue. He watched silently as Joy pressed a button that would banish the Memory back down to Long Term. He felt a strange sense of panic when it shot down the tube, leaving him slightly more agitated then before. But before he could really dwell on it, Disgust, with a roll of her eyes, gave him a shove to get him moving. With a sigh, Fear complied, following the others up the ramp to the second level of Headquarters, where their respective bedroom was located.

Leaving Anger below to watch over Riley's dreams.

Anger had never really understood the importance of Dream Duty. It wasn't like Riley wouldn't wake up on her own if the crazy productions got too scary. Or was it? But, since they had been doing it since Riley's birth, he assumed it had to be important. Grabbing a mug and a chair, he settled down for the night. He glanced up at the Viewscreen, mentally counting down the seconds until the dream would start. The process couldn't begin until Riley was sufficiently asleep. Which she wasn't, telling from the way her breathing had not yet evened out. But then, slowly, her breaths became shallower, and more relaxed. With a flicker, the screen lit up in the surreal colors and sounds that accompanied all dreams. Settling back into his chair, and feeling perhaps a little apprehensive, Anger hunkered down to watch. With all the worrying that Fear had been instilling in Riley, he wasn't expecting anything good. Why Dream Productions had to involve things from the day into Riley's subconscious was beyond him. It was stupid. As if the girl didn't suffer enough things in life as it was; that she had to worry about nightmares seemed incredibly unfair.

The dream started out all right. It appeared that Riley was at the beach with her family. Riley loved the ocean, despite her fear of sharks - again, a product of Fear - and enjoyed going at the most often of opportunities. She loved the waves, and the shells, and the way that the sky and water seemed to meet on the horizon. Anger could feel the comfort and ease that thrilled through Riley just by the beauty and detail of the dream. Seagulls cried out above, and for a moment, Anger thought that he might have made an error. This was actually pretty nice. And calming. Just what Riley needed.

But then everything changed.

Dark, ominous clouds rolled in, with thunder and lightening, causing the scene to dissolve from bright and cheerful to gray and frightening. In the dream, Riley turned her head from side to side, trying to locate her parents. They had been right beside her a moment ago. Anger frowned as he watched, his mug of steaming beverage forgotten. With anxiety, which registered on the console in the form of a small, yellow light, Riley took off down the beach, calling out her parents' names in fear. All at once, the scene changed again, and Anger cursed softly to himself. Why was it that dreams were always so random? Did those idiots down there even _try_ to write a decent script? One that actually mad e a little sense?

Now they were running through a forest. It was dark, and Riley kept tripping and getting scratched on the numerous thorns that seemed to have infested the ground. Anger had grown stiff and uncomfortable. Try as he might, he could not keep himself from feeling a little unnerved by this one. A sense of dread, like a foreboding fog, had begun to rise in him. A wolf howled, and dream Riley gave a start, knowing that she needed to find her parents. She just _had_ to!

All at once, dream Riley came to an abrupt halt. Numerous buttons on the console blared to life, a sign of Riley's senses spiking dangerously. Anger's eyes went wide, and for perhaps the first time in his life, he felt he understood why Fear sometimes screamed in the night during Dream Duty. Of all the things he had imagined dream Riley to see, this was the worst. He never, under his own power, could have even come up with something so horrific. So realistic. So...gory. For a moment, all he could do was stare in numb shock. Riley had never had a dream like this before. Anger had been right in that Riley's worries would carry over into the night. But this...If this was what Fear was so frightened of...What Riley was so frightened of...For once, Anger understood.

Trying to reign in his erratic breathing and tear his gaze away from the sight of Riley's dream parents...lying there dead...torn apart by wolves by the looks of it. Anger's hand strayed toward the button that would release Riley from this metal torture, but then he paused. He might not know much about how Riley's mind worked, like Sadness did, but he did know one thing. If he woke Riley up now, the dream would be fresh in her mind. She would remember it. Every terrible, bloodstained detail of it. But if Riley managed to sleep through it, then the likelihood of that happening was less. If he could just keep her aslee-

With a jolt, Riley awoke with a sharp gasp. She was sweating; her bed sheets drenched in it. Her eyes were wide and her breathing was fast and labored in its attempt to supply her with as much air as possible. Violent shivers took hold of her, as image after image of horrible, terrible, heartless death filled her mind.

Anger blinked blankly in confusion as the Viewscreen flashed to life, displaying the dimly lit atmosphere of Riley's real-life bedroom, and the sound of countless Memories clunked into place on the shelves at the back of Headquarters. He hadn't woken her up...He hadn't touched a thing. In all rights, Riley should have still been asleep. Then why...?

With a sense of utter confusion, and maybe still a little bit of shock from the nightmare, Anger lowered his gaze and turned to look at the button in question.

There, standing straight and stiff, was Fear. His eyes wide and his chest heaving in the midst of a deep, violent panic attack. His hands, almost white with the intense energy behind his strength, lay folded over the button, pushing it inward with a force that could have broken it. They were shaking too; trembling as his eyes remained locked on the screen, his heart thumping in time with Riley's own.

Anger just stared at him a moment. His natural instinct toward anger and frustration kicking in. Fear wasn't supposed to be there. He was supposed to be asleep. "Fear..." His voice came out a lot softer than he had expected it to. Man, that dream had effected him more than he had realized.

"Did you see them?" Fear whispered, his eyes never once leaving the Viewscreen. A look of pain was pasted on his face, a hysterical wave slowly taking hold. "Did you see them?!" His screech of terror seemed to snap Anger free from his unusual stupor.

"What are you even doing here?!" he growled, pushing the taller, but slighter Emotion away from the controls. "Now she'll remember this stupid dream!" His words were harsh, he knew, but it seemed to be the only way he could handle the situation. He was Anger after all. "What are you trying to _do_ to her?!"

"Protect her!" Fear yelled back, stumbling away a few steps, but determination clear in his eyes...along with even more pain. Anger could see it, but could not let up. His anger burned within him and, due to his nature, he had to release it.

"Well, you're doing it _wrong_!"

"What's going on down here?"

Fear and Anger startled and turned. Joy, along with Sadness and Disgust, stood just above the ramp, looking down at them in a mix of concern and irritation. Even Joy didn't like her sleep interrupted. Her eyes widened when she spotted Fear. Last she had known, he had crawled into bed and fallen asleep.

"Fear? What are you doing up?"

"Causing a disaster!" Anger exploded, even though his mind was repeatedly shouting at him to lay off. Fear was just as terrified by what they had seen as he was. He had to remember that. But still, the anger took control of him. "With a protector like you, it's a wonder we're still alive!" _Stop. Stop._ "Just how are we supposed to fix this mess?!" _You're going to hurt him._

"I...I'm s-sorry."

 _Too late._

Silence reigned within Headquarters a moment, until Joy, having made it to their level, broke the quiet. "Tell me what happened."

Fear felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. What had happened? What had happened?! His mind reeled with the images that resided there. How he wished he had stayed in bed. He wished that he had just left Anger to deal with Riley's dreams. If he had done that, that terrible row of purple orbs on the shelves behind him would never have existed. It was all his fault, he knew that. Anger was right. He had panicked, seeing the nightmare had gripped him in an uncontrollable need to act; to lash out and end the dream like he always did. He hadn't meant to hurt Riley.

Fear saw that Anger was not going to answer, seeing as the red Emotion seemed to be struggling with his own inner thoughts. Taking a nervous step forward, the purple fellow started to haltingly tell what had transpired. Joy and the other two girls listened wide-eyed. Joy turned visibly pale, all color having seemed to drain away. Sadness looked close to tears, her eyes big and wet with compassion. While Disgust looked physically sick.

"I...I didn't mean to make things worse...I..." Fear's voice died out as he thrust his face into his hands. His body shook with the knowledge of what he had done. He had just made his and Riley's troubles even more pronounced.

After a moment, a gentle hand on his shoulder made him jump.

"Fear, it's okay." Joy's eyes were concerned and caring. In fact, all the Emotions' were, even Anger, who seemed to have regained his composer. "We know you didn't mean any harm. You did what you where supposed to do." She sent Anger a meaningful glance. "Riley will be alright." She blinked when Fear moved away from her. He didn't look comforted in the least.

"But what if she's not?" he muttered, his eyes not meeting hers, nor anyone else's. "What if something happens that I can't protect her from?" He screwed his eyes shut as though the thought physically hurt. "What if that dream comes true? What if something happens to Mom and Dad?"

Disgust seemed a little hesitant to answer that, but managed to say it with surprising sincerity. "It's not your job to keep Riley's parents safe."

That was true.

But what if Riley's safety depended on theirs?

What if this was one thing he couldn't protect her from?

What if he failed?

* * *

 **Hey, how's it go'n? :)**

 **Well, here's another chapter. Yep, I remember having nightmares, just like Riley. Not the specific one in this story, but you get the idea. I can remember a lot of them. One where my father got attacked by a bear, one where my family got shot, and even one where my little sister got hit by a truck. My daytime worries tended to carry over into my dreams. I just couldn't stop. I was scared stiff that something was going to happen, and that I wouldn't be able to stop it.**

 **What a way to live, huh?**


	5. Worse

After that, things only got worse. Riley's nightmares increased, robbing her of many hours of sleep. Each one just as disturbing as the last, the gore and horror of each one growing every night. Every night a new scenario played out; the deaths of her parents in various ways, always pointless, always unexpected, and always incredibly painful to witness. It had gotten to the point where Riley was _afraid_ to fall asleep. The theme went from her parents, to other people that held a spot in her heart. Friends, both new and old. Other family members. All dying in terrible ways, and there was nothing the Emotions could do to stop it. Where was this stuff coming from? They hadn't ever seen this darker side to Riley's imagination. Not that the poor girl had any say in it. Her sleepless nights were filled with tears and sweat. Her days, however, seemed perfectly normal, as though she forgot all the terror of the dark when she was up and about. Separated by a barrier of consciousness.

Fear clung to the console as though his life depended on it. His hands, always lying on the console at night, had taken on a permanent, tremoring hold of the button that would wake Riley at a moment's notice. Dream duty shifts had been disrupted; what was the point? No matter whose shift it was, Fear was always there. They couldn't get him away. And yet, the other Emotions didn't want him anywhere else. Fear was best equipped to deal with...whatever was happening to Riley. He knew fear, because he _was_ Fear. Who else could navigate their girl through these troubled times? And yet, it was obviously becoming very unhealthy, for both Riley and Fear himself.

Sadness had tried to coax him away, for just a night, as had the others, but it was useless. It only succeeded in making him all the more resolute. Planting his feet, immovable, he would shake his head, eyes never once leaving the screen.

"I can't let her go through this alone!" Fear had practically burst into tears at the thought of leaving Riley to her restless night. "Someone needs to...to wake her up." His voice trembled, even more than usual. He was a mess. He was taking this all too deeply. Why couldn't he just let it go? Just let Riley forget?

"We can do that just as well as you can," Anger pointed out, only partially annoyed. He didn't like the look of his friend. Fear had always been a sickly, string bean of a thing, but now he seemed feverishly frail. As though a single touch could knock him over like a house of cards. Anger had considered trying to forcibly remove Fear from his spot at the console, but decided against it. He didn't want to hurt the purple Emotion. Not when he was in such a state. No, he would only try force when it became absolutely necessary.

Fear turned to his worried colleagues, an anxiety all his own shining in his large eyes. "Please...Riley will be alright...I think I...I just need to _stay_ with her...Then maybe she'll be alright..." He really wasn't sure if that was true. It was a never ending circle. His fear caused Riley to fear, which caused the nightmares, which made him even more fearful, which fueled Riley's fear, which caused more nightmares, which...Which made for one huge mess. He couldn't help but knowledge that, if he just stepped away, the chain would be broken. But he _couldn't_. He _had_ to be there. He _had_ to keep her safe. "She has to be alright."

Disgust gave a huff, even though her eyes showed her true concern. "But what about _you_?"

"I'll be fine." The voice suddenly hardened, almost bitter in its retort. Fear wasn't even going to _consider_ his own condition until Riley was back to normal. And each and every one of the others hated the thought of it. Fear was a part of Riley. His well-being mirrored her own, and vice-versa. Fear was burning himself out, and taking Riley right along with him.

Joy cringed at the thought. As Riley's lead Emotion, she felt responsible for the finding of a way to solve their current problem. She needed to find a way to help Riley, but also help Fear. And she needed to hurry. But an idea was very long in coming. In fact, her mind was an utter blank in that respect. Though, hopeful as always, she believed something would come to her sooner or later. Hopefully sooner. She to had thought of forcing Fear from the console, but that would only make matters worse. Riley _needed_ Fear. She needed him, and yet she needed to be freed from him. She needed the cation and comfort that only Fear's hands could give. But one Emotion wasn't meant to drive alone, not for long lengths of time. And the console was starting to become accustomed to Fear's touch. It wasn't responding to the rest of them as well as before. Which only reiterated the need for Fear. Someone had to drive, and if the console was acting up toward everyone other than Fear, than it only made sense that Fear should drive...right?

With a sigh, she let him win. "Alright, Fear. You can do Dream Duty again." The looks she got from Disgust, Anger, and Sadness made their disapproval more than clear. "But not alone."

After that, Dream Duty was always done in pairs, consisting of one of the four of them and Fear.

Always Fear.

* * *

At first, the problems were confined to only nighttime. Riley seemed fine during the day, and the Memory from camp was hardly ever recalled, much to the relief of her Emotions. She was the same, happy, athletic child she had always been. Each day passed with her smiling face always registering her Joy, the Fear from the nights before forgotten. It was as though the daytime Riley and the nighttime Riley were two different persons. And, in a way, they were. One full of cheer and light, and the other filled with dread and a swirling mist of hopelessness and terror.

At least Fear got a break during the day. Sleepless nights had really taken a toll on him, and it wasn't unusual for the other Emotions to turn and realize he was missing from his station, only to find him passed out on the couch behind them, fast asleep. It was the only time he seemed truly at peace. His twitching would lessen, and his whimpering would finally peter out into gentle breathing. A real relief to his friends.

During the day the console, thankfully, was more compliant toward Joy, Sadness, Disgust, and Anger. But it still wasn't completely as it should have been. Sometimes it was sluggish, not responding to a command as quickly as it should have. And then, every once in a while, when one of them was driving, their respective colors on the controls would gain a faint, purple hue to them. As if, even though they were driving, the console knew what was really controlling Riley. Lurking in the darkness of her subconscious.

It wasn't too bad. And Joy always made it a point to encourage her friends that Riley was just going through a phase. That she would be fine. And they believed her. Wanted to believe her. Because everything always worked out with Riley. It had in every other situation. It had back when she had moved, and it certainly would now. They were confident in that. Even Fear.

But then, something happened that made everything tilt even further out of their control...

It started one day, three weeks after camp had ended. Riley had seemed tired, which wasn't surprising, seeing as her nightmares left her with very little sleep. Fear made sure of that. In his mind, no sleep was infinitely better than a sleep filled with horror and gore. Riley had made friends at school in the months she had now spent in San Francisco, and she had invited one, a girl named Casandra, over for lunch. Casandra was on her new hockey team, and the two had a lot in common. Casandra too had moved not long before, and understood the hardships therein. They shared similar interests, and hobbies, even though their personalities were definitely different, Casandra being slightly more assertive than Riley. But it seemed to be the perfect match.

Casandra had spent the morning with Riley, and they had gone through every board game in the house, practiced some hockey on the sidewalk, and had even done a little drawing, an activity that Riley was beginning to realize she loved. She adored how simple lines on paper could come together to create characters and places that either did, or didn't exist. It calmed her; kept her busy and focused. When lunch had rolled around, Mom had brought out an assortment of snacks and sandwiches, as well as some lemonade, for the girls to enjoy outside on the steps. It had been a very thoughtful thing, and Riley had been very grateful.

Her face had lit up with a loving grin. "Thanks, Mom!"

Mom had returned the smile, brushing a bit of her light, brown hair back behind her ear. "Aw, you're welcome, Sweetie. Just didn't think we should be crowding the house right now. Your father's getting ready for a job."

The smile slowly slipped from Riley's face, seeming to drain right out of her eyes, as something stirred in the depth of her soul. "He...He is?" Somehow, that just didn't set well with her. Which was strange. Her father, as a businessman, often worked odd hours. He sometimes left early in the morning, or later in the afternoon, and didn't return for several hours. Sometimes he wouldn't get home until the small hours of the morning. It had never bothered her before.

Mom didn't seem to notice, handing both girls a glass and a sandwich. "Yup. He'll be staying overnight in a hotel, seeing as he has another meeting early tomorrow. It's in the next state, and he doesn't want to come all the way home tonight just to head back out tomorrow morning." She smiled. "I'll tell him to come give you a hug before he leaves." With that, she went back inside.

Casandra chuckled. "Your mom sure is nice," she giggled, happily taking a bite of her tuna sandwich. She munched, taking a sideways glance of curiosity at her newest friend.

Riley silently nodded, her gaze locked on the door of her house. She couldn't seem to shake that nagging feeling; that trickle of dread forming within her. That feeling that had become so familiar during the long hours of the night, was creeping up inside her again. Fear seemed to be taking control. And she just couldn't explain it.

* * *

"Please! Please! I have to do _something_!"

Fear was completely unconsolable. His fingers outstretched toward the controls, he struggled to punch just a few more buttons. As Joy and Disgust tried to hold him back, he pushed and fought against them. He was surprisingly strong, despite his nervous, slight body and anxious disposition. Eyes wide and determined, yet wild, he couldn't seem to get a hold of himself.

"Fear!" Joy did her best to calm him. "Fear, what's wrong?" She couldn't understand what was going on. Everything had been fine, all day, until now. Fear had all at once been scrambling for the controls, grabbing them right out of her hands. She really didn't mind that, the Emotions did that all the time to each other, but this was different. The terror in Fear's eyes was far stronger than for a simple, normal reaction. In fact, his face held a similar horror to the expression he usually held when watching one of Riley's nightmares. But, if there was one thing Joy knew, it was that this was _not_ a time for Riley to feel scared. There was no _reason_ for it.

Anger and Sadness, eyes flitting back and forth between the Viewscreen and the struggle going on behind them, carefully inserted a few commands, trying to cover up Fear's irrational commands with ones of their own. It was natural for Riley to feel sad and angry when her father left on a job. Sad because she knew she wouldn't see him for a time, and angry because she felt it wasn't fair that he always had to go. But, even with the two Emotions' combined efforts, all of Fear's quick button pushing and lever pulling that he had accomplished before they could stop him could not be undone. At least, not completely.

"I _need_ to help, that's what's wrong!" Fear squeaked, bucking against the two girls' hold on him. His eyes suddenly widened, fixed on the screen. With a yelp, he finally managed to break free, racing forward to grip the control, jerking Riley to her feet.

* * *

Riley jumped to her feet when she saw the door of her house open and her father step out. He was dressed for a meeting, clean shaven and attired in his best suit and tie. For some reason, the sight caused Riley to feel sick with anxiety. Ignoring the strange look Casandra gave her, she rushed up to her father, wrapping him in a tight hug. The Fear in her heart lessened slightly suddenly, masked by a weak and temporary burst of Joy.

* * *

"Let go, Fear!"

Anger tried to pull him off the console, all while not really wanting too. Fear was in such a state of panic, it was actually disturbing to witness. And without knowing the reason, he was reluctant to intervene. Joy, on the other hand, not so much.

Realizing that they would not be able to hold back the purple Emotion in his sudden frenzy, Joy had planted herself directly beside him, stretching her hands over the console as Fear had. The console struggled to recognize their patterns, switching back and forth between purple and gold. It was like some sick game of twister. Each Emotion held a section of buttons and levers and knobs. If Joy couldn't get Fear out of the way, she'd fight him in a different manner. The console finally settled on an odd combination; almost a sickening brown glow.

A false joy.

 _"See ya, Dad_ _,"_ Riley's voice sounded, almost eerily, within Headquarters. As the struggle to get Fear under control continued, her actual words went unnoticed. _"When will you be back?"_

 _"Sometime tomorrow night,"_ Dad responded, leaving her embrace and heading for the car. _"Catch you later, Monkey!"_

Joy tried to make Riley smile, but it was so weak. She tried to nudge Fear to the side, aware that she wasn't the only one trying to do so. The others were still trying to gently move him, but it was useless. Fear had such a death grip on the console that, should they tear him away, would probably take a section of the controls away with him.

Dad was getting into the car now. He was shutting the door. Buckling in. Starting the car. Riley's heartbeat was through the roof, so loud that it thumped in the floor of Headquarters against Joy's bare feet. Fear's trembling hold was still as strong as before, in fact, it had gotten even more desperate. Joy, taking a worried glance at her friend who, even now, she was struggling with, she vaguely wondered if Fear even _knew_ that he was fighting her. He was so fixed on Riley and Dad and that Viewscreen...it was actually kind of scary.

 _"Come on, Riley!"_

That was Casandra. She wanted Riley to join her back at their little picnic on the steps. Joy managed to reach a button and press it, while making sure that Fear couldn't beat her to it.

 _"Just a minute!"_ Riley called back. Her voice held the Joy; that false joy, but her body was still responding to Fear. She stood by the roadside, eyes locked on her father's car as he pulled away from the curb.

 _"Aw, come on!"_

"She's going to think we're weird," Disgust hissed, tugging at Fear's sweater. As the one in charge of Riley's social life, it was her job to be concerned with things like that, even if it wasn't really the time. Casandra's tone was now one of annoyance.

Joy tried another button, in a desperate attempt to make Riley happy. _"I'll...I'll be right there!"_ Darn it. It was like how it had been for the Emotions left in Headquarters when Joy and Sadness had gotten lost in Long Term Memory. One Emotion could not perform the duties of another. Sadness could not be Disgust. Disgust could not be Anger. Anger could not be Fear. And Fear could _not_ be Joy.

Casandra was getting impatient. Pushing up from her seat on the step, she came to stand beside Riley, pulling on her arm, much like how the Emotions were pulling on Fear. _"What's wrong?"_

Riley answered without any prompting. _"I want to wave goodbye."_

Casandra laughed. _"Why? He's coming back tomorrow!"_

Fear's grip on the main control tightened impossibly. The light of the console became more of a dreadfully weak purple. Joy, however, wouldn't let go either. That false sense of joy was better than nothing. They needed to keep all this chaos _inside_ Riley. They could fix this, Joy was sure. Everything was going to be alright.

Riley's next words blew that belief to bits.

* * *

Riley gave a laugh. Fake. Fake laugh. "Yeah, I know. But what if he doesn't come back tomorrow?" She said it so calmly, so matter-of-factly, it was almost surreal.

Casandra missed the flicker of true fear in her friend's eyes, thinking it was just some sort of joke. Or maybe a weird quirk of Riley's she hadn't seen yet. Either way, she laughed. "Fine; whatever. Just come on!" She tugged Riley back to their lunch, Riley still staring in the direction of her father, until he disappeared from sight.

* * *

Shock.

That was the only word that explained the atmosphere in Headquarters.

Shock.

Fear trembled, having all at once let go of the controls. Joy, also, had stumbled back; away from _him_. They all had. It was as though they were frightened of him. Or _for_ him...Were too afraid to touch or comfort him. Fear couldn't blame them. He was a disaster waiting to happen. Everything he touched always seemed to spiral out of control.

"What...What just happened?" Disgust looked sick to her stomach. She glanced to the console, which, for the moment, was void of _any_ color. That meant that Riley had locked up; emotionally anyway. They would have to wait for it to reboot. Good. They needed a moment to process this.

Sadness was glancing between them all, trying to read their expressions. The word 'fear' could easily suffice for any one of the four. But she was just as disturbed as the rest of them. "Riley shouldn't have said that," she observed unnecessarily. The barrier had been broken. The nightmares and terror of the night had crossed the line from subconscious to conscious. There was a whir and a click as a Memory was recalled and suspended in the projector. Followed by another, and another, and another...

All of them Memories of Riley's nightmares.

They crowded Riley's imagination, creating a blurred haze across her vision. It was as if she were gazing through a wall of horrendous images, all pointing her toward despair and terror.

A single tear, unnoticed by Casandra, silently rolled down Riley's pale cheek. Sadness had gently pushed a button, and, thankfully, it worked. It would take a few moments for the console to recover, but in the meantime, while they might not be able to help Riley, there was someone else who Sadness was certain needed attention.

Fear stood pressed against the wall on the far side of Headquarters. When he had scooted so far from the console, non of them could tell, but his blank, almost haunting expression was very disquieting. Letting go of the controls, Sadness held out a hand, taking a slow, careful step toward her troubled friend. "Fear..."

"N-No!" The purple Emotion backed away even further, despite the fact that he had nowhere else to go other than through solid wall. He shied away, cringing, not in anger or distaste, but in complete, unshielded guilt. "S-stay away f-from m-me...Stay a-away..."

Sadness stopped, wide eyes full of worry.

Joy felt her heart sink at his words. Eleven years of living in Headquarters made her an expert on reading the emotions of her colleagues. She knew their mannerisms, their quirks, and their gestures. She knew the way they stood, and talked, and moved when they were happy, sad, frightened, or just plain miserable. She knew how they thought and reasoned. And right now, Joy was certain that Fear was blaming himself. Harshly. Fiercely. She could see it in his stance, that sort of inward cringe that made him look like he were gripping at some inner dagger in his chest. She could see the disbelief and self-anger in his eyes, along with the terror that, lately, always seemed to be there.

Stepping forward, slowly, just as Sadness had, Joy come to stand beside the blue Emotion, exchanging a glance with her before trying her own brand of comfort. "Now, Fear," she began, trying to keep her voice airy and light. "That could have happened with any one of us driving. I was touching the console too. It's not your fault."

"But it _is_!" Fear looked like he was ready to faint. His eyes fluttered and flitted all around as though he expected the world to wipe him from existence just for being who he was. He trembled so violently, it was a wonder it wasn't tearing him apart. "It's _my_ fault Riley got spooked by that counselor's story! It's _my_ fault that stupid Memory kept playing over and over in her mind! I should have known what that would do to her! I should have stopped, let the past lie!" He looked close to tears at this point, cringing in on himself tighter and tighter. "It's _my_ fault she's been having those nightmares! And if it weren't for me, she never would have remembered them! You _can't_ argue that!"

"He's got a point," Anger spoke up, but then blanched at his own words, even before the three girls sent him looks of reproach. He shut his mouth like the lid of a box, cursing his own hotheadedness. As the embodied persona of anger, he often spoke before thinking. And what he had said wasn't fair to Fear. Not fair in the least. Fear, among all of them, worked the hardest. While Anger sometimes wasn't angry, or Disgust wasn't always disgusted, Fear was trapped in his own being. He _was_ fear. He didn't get a break. Every moment of every day, he was working. Trying to keep Riley, and _them_ , safe. The burden of such a job had to be...hard to carry sometimes. Especially when a single mistake could effect things so strongly. The only person who shared that with Fear was Sadness. She too was trapped in her own little world of blue and dreary. She couldn't be happy, not in the normal sense. She could smile, and, sure, she felt any other emotion, but sadness was always there first and foremost. Just like Fear's fear. And here Anger had been, driving that very point home unnecessarily.

Fear, however, didn't seem to have heard him.

"If it weren't for me," the purple Emotion ranted painfully, "she'd still be the happy girl she always was before!" He sent a flying gesture of his hand in Joy's direction, causing the cheerier Emotion to cringe. Surely Fear didn't think she was more important to Riley than him...did he? She hoped not.

Fear wrung his hands tightly in front of his chest. "I-It's all my fault! You saw what I did!"

The others exchanged nervous glances. Indeed, they _had_ seen, and it _still_ left them feeling shocked. Not only at Riley's words, but at the phenomenon that had taken place at the same time. There was something, rare and unusual, that could happen between an Emotion and their person. When, during an extreme situation, an Emotion and their person became one. Just for a moment. For one fraction of time, an Emotion would be in complete -COMPLETE- control. One being.

And that was what Fear had done. By accident. He hadn't meant to, not in the slightest. But, as Riley had spoken out her largest, innermost fear, Fear himself had leaned into the console, willing as much power into the controls as he could. And he had yelled. He had yelled the very same words Riley had spoken. Simultaneously. They had been as one. It had been impossible to tell whether Fear was making Riley speak, or if it was the other way around. Either way, it meant that the girl and her Emotion, for a moment, had been one and the same.

Things like that just didn't happen very often. At least, not to Fear. It wasn't so unusual for Joy, who sometimes radiated from Riley like a sunbeam. Even Sadness had participated in the rare occurrence. And Anger, at least once, prompting Riley to rage, had experienced it.

But Riley had never been consumed by Fear.

 _Consumed._ What a dreadful way to put it, but it certainly was fitting. Fear had often wondered what it might be like to gain such a thing, but now that he had...he wished with all his being that he had not.

* * *

 **There we are. ;) Sorry it took so long to get posted, but I was away on a camping trip with my family. :)**

 **The event that happens to Riley in this chapter was really hard to write, not only because I had to think about what emotions I had been feeling at the time, but because the memory of the event was a very emotional one to recall. Yes, this actually happened. I know I keep stressing that, but it is very important to my story. In my case though, instead of a girl named Casandra, it was my younger brother who was with me. My father is an entertainer, so he has to travel kind of far sometimes. One day, just like in this story, he was leaving for a job, and I was quite suddenly very aware that if I lost him, that would be the last I ever saw of him. And I had voiced it, like Riley, in an almost joking way. But the damage had been done. The shock of what I had said hit me right after. When my father had left my view, and my brother wasn't looking, I found a quiet corner of the yard where I could cry in peace.**


	6. In the Mind

It took the remainder of the day to get Fear calmed down, and, even then, 'calmed' was a relative term. He was still more panicky than normal, but the intense hysteria that had gripped him had eased. After all, the day had to go on. They couldn't just leave Riley be, she needed them more than ever. Sadness had managed to coax the console into a light blue glow, diminishing the purple the best she could, though a hint of it still lingered. They'd have to alert the Mind Workers, maybe they would know what was up.

Casandra had stayed at the Anderson's until shortly before dinner, when she left. Riley had managed to cheer up as the day went on, thanks to Joy's efforts, but the console had still been sluggish. Anger had gathered up all the nightmare Memories and had forced them back down to Long Term. Whether they stayed there or not was dependent on Riley...and Fear. Now, they just let Sadness drive. Or tried to. Fear had positioned himself beside her, his anxiety raising slightly. It was bedtime, and Riley was very reluctant to fall asleep, her mind hurting and fearing over the fact that she was exhausted, but probably wouldn't get much sleep. A few tears were shed, which actually tired her enough to _fall_ asleep. Riley's eyes shut, and darkness became the Viewscreen's backdrop.

Headquarters was enveloped in an uncomfortable silence. All eyes were fixed on the dark screen, unwilling to address the problem at hand. But they couldn't just let it sit. They had already tried that. And so, reluctantly, Joy pushed herself away from the console.

"Ahem," she tried, watching as all eyes turned to her, except Fear's. Her gaze settled on him, the only Emotion who was still staring up at the blank Viewscreen instead of her. Joy took a deep breath. "We need to have a meeting." She said it matter-of-factly, even though the sentence was really made for him.

Fear's gaze fell to the controls beneath his quivering hands. He felt his stomach give an uneasy twist. He didn't _want_ to talk about this anymore. He was convinced of what he had done, there was no reason to discuss it further. He just wanted to crawl off to bed and forget all about it. But it was obvious that Joy wasn't going to let it go so easily.

He felt a small, warm hand take hold of his arm, and knew it was Sadness. That didn't surprise him. She was so kind-hearted, and naturally drawn to anguish and grief, something he knew he was feeling. What _did_ surprise him, though, was when yet another hand gripped him on the opposite side. Turning with a start, he found it was Joy, and she wasn't alone. Behind her, Disgust and Anger lingered, not touching him - it wasn't in their nature to comfort that way - but definitely offering him some support, concern in their expressions.

Taking a shaky breath, Fear slowly released his hold on the console and stepped away.

They guided him over to the couch, sitting him directly in the middle, with Joy and Anger on one side and Sadness and Disgust on the other. The cushions felt good, especially after a day of standing; shuddering so hard his muscles ached. He really hated being such a nervous wreck all the time; now more than ever. But the day was over, and, even though tomorrow was sure to hold more problems to worry about, he found he was too tired to really care for once.

Joy sat quietly, taking her cue from Sadness; waiting until the blue Emotion gave her a subtle nod, indicating that Fear was emotionally stable enough for the conversation to start. At Sadness's signal, she gave Fear's hand a light squeeze before letting go. Deciding that things needed to return to as close to normal as possible, Joy pasted on her most cheerful smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Alright, well, today could have gone better..." She paused, afraid that those words might not have been the best choice to start with. But the others didn't seem to think so, and stared at her expectantly. "...But it could have been worse."

"How?" Disgust asked bluntly, before she noticed Fear's shoulders slump. She gave him an apologetic look.

"Riley's alright," Joy continued, then gave her companions an encouraging nod. "And so are we. We can fix this."

"But, what can we do?!" Fear squeaked, motioning to the blank screen wildly. "How do we fix _this_?!"

"Carefully," Joy soothed, pushing his arms gently back down to his sides. "One step at a time. We don't have to tackle this all in one shot. All we have to do is figure out what to do next." She smiled confidently. "So...What _do_ we do next? Suggestions?"

Again, silence resided in Headquarters.

Slowly, and very reluctantly, Sadness raised her hand. Joy had to chuckle at that. Sadness was becoming more open as time went by, ever since their adventure outside of Headquarters. Joy too had learned a lot from it, to listen most of all. She now understood that Sadness was just as important as she was to Riley. They all were. All so different, but just as dependent on one another as the sun and moon.

"Yes, Sadness?"

The blue Emotion fidgeted nervously with the edge of her thick, white sweater. "Well...I think that Riley should tell someone how she feels. Tell someone about..." Her eyes flitted to Fear, who had stiffened at her side. "...Tell someone about her worries."

Disgust made a face of disapproval. "We can handle this on our own, we don't need help. What if it got around at school that Riley's having _problems_?" She shuddered. "Disastrous to her social life. What would anyone want to do with a girl who obsesses over people she loves _dying_?"

"And besides," Anger added, "Mom and Dad have enough on their plates. What with them always being so _busy_." A hint of bitterness had crept into his tone, before it softened again. "No offense, kid, but, we've got this."

All present turned their eyes to Riley's main Emotion.

Joy didn't know what to think. She felt guilty about not going with Sadness's idea, after all the years of ignoring her, but she really _did_ agree with Anger and Disgust. They could figure this out, with a little time. Everything would be fine. They could do this alone, without causing a scene or bothering Mom and Dad.

Joy looked to Fear, the only one who hadn't voiced his opinion. Which she found odd, since this whole affair revolved around _him_ and Riley. "What do you think, Fear?"

The purple Emotion, still sitting between them, lifted his face from his hands, where he had hid for quite some time now. His expression was panicked, and slightly overwhelmed. Joy's heart sank at the sight.

"I...I-I don't know, Joy," he stuttered weakly. His eyes flitted to each one of them, before resting back on her. "B-But, I trust your judgement...You d-decide..."

Joy ran a hand through her blue hair and down the side of her face. To be honest, she wasn't feeling too well. In fact, as their problem deepened, and Riley and Fear suffered, she began to feel all wobbly inside. Almost weak. But she managed to push the sensation aside, attributing it to the need for a good night's rest. Sighing, Joy gave Sadness an apologetic look. "I agree with Anger and Disgust on this one. We should try to handle this on our own." There. That pleased at last half of the Headquarter's staff.

Disgust, for once, seemed pleased. "Good." But then the confidence on her face lost a little of its strength. "But, then, what _do_ we do?"

Joy cringed even more on the inside, feeling her optimism turn to dust. But she couldn't let them realize. She couldn't let them lose hope, especially Fear. He needed hope so badly. She could see it in his face; the way he kept looking up at her, eyes wide and shining. He expected her to have the answer, and Joy nearly choked when she realized she didn't. But, pasting on a fake smile, not all that unlike Riley's own from earlier that day, Joy gave a cheerful tint to her voice. "Let's sleep on it. I've got a few ideas, but I have to work out the bugs. A good night's sleep should help get my thoughts in order. What'd ya say we turn in?" She half expected them to see right through her, but, surprisingly, they didn't.

"Alright," Anger was first to respond. He let his eyes drift back to the Viewscreen, which was just beginning to flicker to life as Riley entered REM sleep and Dream Productions prepared the night's show. "Um...Who's up for Dream Duty?"

" _Ohmygosh_! _I almost forgot_!"

Before anyone could stop him, Fear had launched himself off the couch and stumbled back over to the console, his movements panicked and unsteady. The others watched him sadly, knowing that nothing short of dragging him would get Fear away from the controls. And even _that_ might not work.

Disgust gave a sigh, with a roll of her eyes out of habit. "It's my turn. I'll stay up with him." She sent a glance in Fear's direction that contained a fair amount of worry. "Someone's got to wake him up if he faints," she added, trying to maintain her teasing attitude, if not just for the sake of _something_ feeling normal. The others nodded their consent, sending Fear a chorus of 'goodnight's. The purple Emotion barely heard them, only responding with a distracted murmur. His eyes remained glued to the screen.

A moment later, the two were alone.

Disgust stayed where she was by the couch at first. Now that she could drop her outer barrier completely, she found she was almost afraid to be alone with Fear. Not because of anything he might do or say, but because she had no idea how to help him. It hurt to see him like this. She watched as he stood, hand posed shakily over the 'Wake' button. He appeared so tense and upset, a far cry from the calmer, more relaxed state he had held only moments before. His body shuddered stiffly, like a rubber band stretched beyond its limit. The sight was almost more than she could stand.

Coming up beside him, Disgust gazed up at the screen that had so captured Fear's attention. The dream was beginning much like any other dream, replaying scenes from the day mixed with the odd long-term Memory or two. Riley was playing with Casandra, with a few random people from Minnesota playing with them, like Meg. The atmosphere of the dream was light and friendly. But, lately, that was no indication of how the dream would turn out. However, Disgust, for once, felt she needed to be an optimist.

"Maybe Riley will actually get some sleep tonight. The dream doesn't seem too bad." In fact, the dream seemed perfectly normal. Disgust really hoped what she said was true, because then they could _all_ get a break. Fear needed it. He needed it badly. His frail frame convulsed continually with wracking jolts, more from exhaustion now than from terror. How long had it been? How long had this been going on?

Too long.

Fear, his large eyes never leaving the screen, shook his head weakly. "They always start like this...H-happy and cheerful and calming...Just w-wait. It'll change. It always changes...The lighting will d-darken, and all the color will drain a-away, and...and..." His voice stuttered to a halt, a look of pure anguish in his expression. A deep, heartrending sigh escaped him as he, all at once, lowered his eyes to the console. "D-Disgust?"

"Yes?"

"Do you...Do you ever hate what you do? W-what you are?"

Disgust blinked, a frown sweeping her features. She didn't like where this conversation was going. She opened her mouth to say 'no', but then found herself pausing to actually consider his question.

Being Disgust wasn't always easy. Not that it was hard or unpleasant, but, just like any occupation, it had its ups and downs. She was very opinionated. She knew what she liked, and she knew what she didn't like. And she was fine with it. She knew the others sometimes disagreed with her, but she didn't let that stop her. She was very stronge-willed, and persistent in what she made Riley feel.

But there had been a time, long ago, when that hard set belief had been shaken. It was when Riley was four, no more than a little girl filled with light and happiness. Riley had been a very picky eater then, and Disgust had taken her job very seriously. Then, one day, the Andersons had gone over to the Judsons' house for supper. The Judsons had prepared their best mean, with Mrs. Judson slaving away all day long in the kitchen making it. When dinner arrived, Riley had discovered a full plate of mash potatoes, steak...and broccoli set before her. Naturally, being only four, Riley had not taken Disgust's command, to not eat it, quietly. Riley had loudly proclaimed her dislike for the green veggie, resulting in the Judsons being deeply offended. Oh, they hadn't said anything, and they actually got Riley something else instead, but the look of hurt and disappointment had been very clearly visible in their faces. And Disgust had been struck with an intense wave of guilt.

At that moment, maybe she _had_ hated what she was. What she had done. Hated that her standards had caused embarrassment and emotional disappointment, even though she knew it had been her duty to do what she had done. And, as this slowly came to Disgust, she began to see Fear's situation in a new light. It explained why he couldn't just let go of the controls and step aside. It was his _duty_ to be there. He _had_ to be there. And, at the moment, Disgust could truly imagine the guilt it must be causing him.

Slowly, she answered. "I suppose...But it was always a fleeting feeling. It never lasted too long. It's my job. I had to move on."

Fear nodded faintly, eyes never leaving the console. "Sometimes I wish it was that simple for me." He sighed, closing his eyes. "Riley can recover from any mistakes you might make, and there's always room for change. Like how when Riley was little she used to hate spaghetti sauce, but now she loves it. Her taste changed. You changed it. The same goes for Joy, and Sadness, and Anger. Things that make Riley happy can change, and what makes her angry can change, and even that which makes her sad. But fear...I...can't be changed. Once Riley has a fear, what is there that can truly change it, and take it away completely?"

Disgust winced at his words. "That's not true, Fear. Riley has conquered fears before."

Fear paled. "...Yes...Yes, she has. _Conquered._ Fighting me." His trembling increased. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. Why I have to t-torture Riley like this. And...and s-sometimes I wonder if...if she'd be better off without me." His eyes screwed shut painfully, his grip on the controls tightening impossibly.

Disgust just stood there a moment, mouth agape as she processed her friend's words. He couldn't mean that. He couldn't. Suddenly frightened out of her wits by his behavior, she lurched forward, grabbing his shoulders and tugging him around to face her. Her voice held anger, a rare thing for her, but with a tinge of desperation. "How can you say something like that?!" she gritted. "You've seen what happens when one of us is gone! You saw with your own eyes what happened to Riley when she didn't have all of us here in Headquarters!"

"That was Joy and S-"

"Any of us!" Disgust insisted, giving him a light shake. Her anger was dying out, with only the desperation left in her tone. "Riley can't survive without us _all_ , Fear. Each and every one of us. Think about it. You keep her safe, and you keep her from making dumb decisions. Without you, she'd be a walking disaster!" She sighed, the grip on his shoulders softening as she looked him in the face, even though he wouldn't meet her gaze. "We were all created for a very important reason. We individually know what's best for our girl. Remember Sadness? How she kept trying to touch the Core Memories, back before she and Joy got lost in Long Term Memory? She knew, even without understanding, that she needed to do it. In the end, it turned out she was supposed to. It was what Riley _needed_. Who knows...Maybe this is like that. Maybe there's a reason we don't know or understand yet about why you have to make Riley feel this way." She suddenly pulled him into a swift hug, forgetting everything she had ever said about what a disgusting, little creep he was. "Don't give up, Fear." She pulled him back out of the hug, giving him one last, gentle shake. "We'll help you through this. All of us. I _promise_." And this time she was glad to see he was looking her in the eyes. "I promise."

And up above them, watching secretly from the balcony, three other Emotions silently agreed.

* * *

 **Hello! Here's the next chapter. :)**

 **I wanted to take this chapter to focus on what's going on in Riley's head. When I was going through this hard time, I often hated my fears and wished they would just disappear. But, at the same time, I clung to them, like a familiar friend. If living Emotions were real, I'm sure they'd find this all very disorganizing and disheartening. But there's always a glimmer of hope...**


	7. A Plan

"I'VE GOT IT!"

The loud, triumphant shout rang through Headquarters like a gong, effectively jolting Fear out of his sleep. He jerked up, lifting his head from his arms, a position he had fallen asleep in, slumped against the console. He was stiff, and was pretty sure that the buttons of the console were permanently imprinted on his particles, but he felt more rested than he had been in a while. He turned his head to find that Disgust had fallen asleep as well, only she had managed to make it to the couch before she had. Her movement and moaning indicated that she had been awakened by the loud shout as well. Slowly, Fear's mind registered the source of all the noise and excitement.

Joy came barreling down the upstairs ramp, pulling the arms of a very reluctant and drowsy Anger and a droopy Sadness. "I've got it, I've got it, I'VE GOT IT!" she cheered, letting go once they reached the ground and prancing about. Her dress twirled, and her natural glow seemed almost blinding in the semi-lit room. Fear glanced up at the Viewscreen, noticing with surprise that Riley was still asleep. A dream, sickeningly cheery and whimsical, was playing. It appeared that Riley had finally had a nightmare-free night of sleep after all.

"Hooray," Anger grumped, straightening his tie with a huff. He looked ready to smash somebody's face in, though with an undercurrent of weary exhaustion. He hadn't gotten much sleep lately either, just like the rest of them. "Now would you mind _TELLING US WHAT YOU'VE GOT_?!" His head glowed like embers in his frustration, but Joy was too happy to notice.

"I've got a way we can help Riley!"

That caught Fear's attention, as well as Disgust's, who was now raising herself from the couch. "Really?!" He could barely contain his relief. "Oh! Oh, Joy, that's wonderful!" His heart felt like it were going to float away and carry him right along with it. All this early morning excitement was making him a little lightheaded. He scurried forward, almost afraid to hope. His hands held close to his body, he felt like a slave trembling before his master. In a way, he was a slave. A slave to his fear. And he had imprisoned Riley along with him. If Joy had the key, he was going to take it, cautiously, but desperately.

Joy beamed at her fellow Emotions, sensing all their annoyance at being awoken early flicker away. Even Anger looked slightly hopeful. "Alright, here's the plan." She pattered forward on bare feet until she stood in front of the Viewscreen, with the console at her back. Raising her arms like Moses parting the Red Sea, she proclaimed. " _This_ is the answer!"

There was a confused silence, followed by Sadness's deep voice. "The...The Dream?"

Joy hugged herself ecstatically. "Yes!"

Disgust sent a look at the brighter Emotion's back that could have curdled cream. " _That's_ your great idea? Dreams are part of what started this whole mess!" She crossed her arms over her chest as though her words alone had destroyed Joy's own.

"No, nononono," Joy rattled quickly, "Not Dreams, necessarily." She gave a frustrated sigh, albeit cheerfully, before explaining further. "When Riley was little, she had a wonderful imagination, right? Remember how she pretended she could fly on cousin Dan's trampoline? Or how she used to pretend that the living room floor was hot lava?"

"And she used to jump across the furniture to make it across," Anger said softly, the memory actually calming him a bit more. Those had been fun days. Riley had always been one for playing games like that. A little adventurer through and through. But, as she had grown older, that imagination had been stored away, as it is for most growing children. She had no more time for imaginary friends or make believe quests. Real life was taking over, as it was supposed to. But, despite the knowledge that things were progressing the way they should be, all the Emotions felt a twinge of sadness when they thought of it. They missed the days of make believe. And, as a result, so did Riley, from time to time. "What are you getting at, Joy?"

"Okay," she hummed, rushing over to the stash of Daydream keys stashed in the corner of Headquarters. "Remember how calm and happy Riley always was when she pretended? Well, what if we reawaken her imagination?" She held up an armful of keys, smiling brightly.

Fear felt a wave of uneasiness wash over him. "R-reawaken? B-but, Joy, Riley doesn't have time to play pretend anymore. She's twelve; she has school. Her real life is too busy to make believe."

"I'm not talking about make believe," Joy insisted, bringing her findings over to the console. "More of a type of, daydreaming. Yeah. It will all be in her head. It should calm her down, help her forget..." She paused, noticing the way Fear had flinched. Feeling sorry for him, she carefully set a hand on his shoulder, the memory of Fear and Disgust's conversation the night before coming back to her clearly. "It's not your fault, you know. But this will help Riley forget her fears about losing her parents, I'm sure of it. Please, Fear. We can't do this unless everyone is in agreement."

Fear gazed down at the floor, his stomach full of butterflies. He felt that he should say no; a warning was going off in his head, though he couldn't imagine why. What was wrong with trying to make Riley happy? Nothing. What was wrong with letting her daydream a little? Nothing. What was wrong with doing what was best for their girl? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Then why was he so reluctant?

A surge of self-anger flushed through him. He knew why. Because he was Fear. He was the one hurting Riley. He was the one causing all this. Not his fault? It was _all_ his fault! Of course his natural instinct would be to refuse Joy's idea, just as his natural instinct had been to cause Riley all this emotional and mental anguish. If his instinct was what was making him do _that_ , then how could he trust it to make the right decision _now_? He couldn't. And so, even though it nearly physically pained him, Fear ground out his answer.

"Let's...Let's do it."

* * *

Riley awoke slightly more rested than she had been recently. She was relieved that the usual nightmares had not plagued her, and felt a joyful sensation at that. She got dressed, brushed her hair and teeth, then climbed down the steps to the kitchen. Morning sunshine was streaming through the yellow window curtains, and the smell of bacon was an aroma that immediately informed her of just how hungry she really was. She rounded the corner at the end of the staircase, her eyes lighting up when she saw her mother cooking over the warm stove. Her eyes gleamed even more as they lighted on the form of her father, who was sitting at the table with a mug of steaming coffee, and his face firmly planted in a newspaper.

"Morning!" she chirped happily, setting herself down at the table next to her occupied parent. Busy as he was, her father sent a cheery glance over the sports column and returned her greeting.

"Morning, Monkey!"

Riley turned, looking over her shoulder. "Morning, Mom!"

"Good morning, Sweetie," Mom cooed as she started carrying their breakfast from the stove to the table. "How'd you sleep last night?" She had noticed the dark circles that had formed under Riley's eyes, but had attributed it to late nights watching television.

"Really well," Riley responded, glad to hear those very words come from herself. It felt like it had been so long...A little of her cheerfulness faded. "Do you have a...a job today, Dad?" She really hoped he didn't, but the look in his face told her before he even answered.

"Yup, sure do. I've got a meeting in the next city."

Riley felt her heart beat quicken, as the same panic from the day before rose within her. Fears started to take hold, images of many nightmares creeping in, crowding her, closing her in...but then, all at once, they stopped.

Her mind was all at once washed in a series of images that, in all honesty, she had not thought about in years. Scenes from any one of her favorite childhood movies, books, past adventures; literally a flood of happy memories and imagination. Riley's breath caught in her throat, completely intrigued. Her fear forgotten, she soaked in the unusually vivid images. They felt so refreshing. So freeing.

"Riley?...Riley?...Hey, Monkey!"

Riley jumped, her mind slamming back into her body with a jolt. "Y-yes?"

Dad was looking at her with a sense of amused confusion. "Something on your mind? You were staring into space, wide eyed! I couldn't seem to catch your attention." His smile faded slightly. "Is...Is everything alright?" His mind had flashed back to the move, and Riley's nearly running away. He had missed the signs back then. He didn't want to miss them again.

Riley, feeling a little confused herself, refocused on the world around her, giving her father a genuine smile. "Yeah..." she said slowly, her grin widening. "Yeah, I'm good." And she suddenly, quite unexpectedly, believed it.

* * *

"It worked!" Joy cried happily as the purple nightmare orbs retreated down the recall tubes, back to Long Term. "I can't believe it; it worked!"

"You didn't think it would?" Anger grouched, but he was smiling too.

Disgust began polishing her nails on her dress, a look of satisfaction clearly visible in her expression. "Did you see how those Memories fled? They can't touch her! This was a great idea, Joy." She sent Sadness a grin, which the blue Emotion returned to the best of her ability. The four were just so relieved that the plan hadn't ended in disaster, that they failed to notice their pale companion behind them.

"B-but..." Fear tried to hide the twinge of discomfort he was feeling. It was like a pinprick; a force shoving him back, mentally. It didn't hurt too much. In fact, it didn't really 'hurt' at all, it was just...unpleasant. But the experiment had been a success, and Fear was not going to let his discomfort stand in the way of Riley's happiness. Swallowing hard, he forced out a cheerful, "Things are looking up!"

"But how do we know this will work every time?" Anger spoke up, staring up at the screen suspiciously.

Joy shrugged, eyes bright. "I suppose we'll just have to wait and see. I mean, I'm sure it won't work for everything, but we'll just have to test our limits." She picked up a basket of daydream keys, placing them beneath the console. "We'll keep them right at hand. If any one of us is at the console, and Riley suddenly gets scared, just pop one of these in and hope for the best."

Sadness moved closer, her eyes suddenly locating Fear's position. She saw how far from the console he had moved, and he seemed a little distressed. Turning her big, moist eyes up to Joy she made a quick observation. "But...Riley has to have Fear. Remember, Joy?"

Disgust also suddenly seemed to remember her conversation with the purple Emotion the night before. Like Sadness, she quickly located where Fear was standing. "That's right. Riley needs Fear," she intoned, mostly for Fears benefit. She didn't want him sinking back into that depressive state. That had been almost more than she could stand. "We can't just shove his, and, therefore, Riley's, feelings away. You and Sadness know that better than any of us."

"And we're not," Joy acknowledged insistently, a twinge of guilt from the past hitting her square in the heart. She pointed to the wall, to the shelves of bright, colorful Memories. The last few, the newest, where a beautiful, swirling lavender. "Riley still felt Fear's input, we just...distracted her right afterward. She still feels scared, but she's not dwelling on it. That _is_ what we wanted? Isn't it?"

There was a pause.

"Yes."

The Emotions turned at Fear's voice, slightly startled by how it sounded to their ears. It was definite, certain, something incredibly rare for him. Stiff almost. As though he was forcing himself to say it. His hands were clenched and trembling at his sides, and it was hard to tell whether he was frightened, angry, or in pain.

Anger stepped forward, an eyebrow raised. It wasn't normally in his nature to worry, but since the fears had started...since the night of the first nightmare, he had been more watchful of his coworkers. More aware of them than before. "Hey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Fear's voice was quick and hard.

"You don't sound f-"

Fear let out a sigh that interrupted his friend, and a shaky smile crept slowly into his face. "I'm fine. I'm just..." Another deep breath. "I'm just glad it's all over," he lied. Anger didn't seem convinced. In fact, he looked very doubtful, but the girls were easily deterred.

"I _know_ ," Joy wheezed, swiping a hand across her brow. "Whew! Dilemma solved!" She grinned, turning back to the screen. "Now to see how the rest of the day turns out!"

* * *

The 'rest of the day' turned out just fine. In fact, better than fine. Riley's fear was not suppressed, only distracted. Every time the terror of losing a loved one came up, the Emotions would trigger a vivid daydream. Colorful, pleasant, and sufficient, it was more than enough to do the trick. Most times they were of Riley herself, doing things that she loved. Other times they were made up characters from movies and shows Riley had enjoyed, either recently or long ago. The Emotions didn't have any control of what they were about, and started to enjoy them even more than Dream Duty. They were exciting, fun, and, sometimes, even funny. It reminded the Emotions of the days when Riley was little, when she used to play with Bing Bong.

Joy had paused at that thought, her soul seizing in a wave of sorrow. There was no way to bring that imaginary friend back. She had tried. He was gone. But she had, since then, managed to get Riley to remember Bing Bong, and therefore had kept her promise. And that was all, as well as the best, that she could do.

Only now, these imaginings were different. Unlike the games she had played as a small child, running about and talking, or laughing, loudly; in these Riley's physical body was perfectly still. As though she were frozen. Frozen, but not in fear, but a calm, almost eerie enjoyment. A world all her own. That's what it was. Riley built on it, and her Emotions let her, thrilled to see this fantastic land of fantasy that was becoming easier and easier to access. The daydreams started to morph into something more...real. A daydream, and yet, not a daydream. Riley began to be able to control the fantasies. It took a lot of concentration, but it meant that she could plan her own thoughts; thinking within thinking. It was strange, and oddly relaxing.

The Emotions found that it had a profound effect on Fear himself. Whenever he became upset, and rushed for the controls, Joy, or one of the others, would hurriedly plug in a Daydream key. Riley's vision of the real world would fade, leaving only her, her Emotions, and the place she had created out of her own imagination. A place of safety, and of isolation, but by no means lonely. Fear would all at once calm, his trembling becoming significantly less. He would look up at the Viewscreen in fascination, taking it in as though it were reality itself. Only this reality held no danger.

Here, Riley was safe.

It became an escape, for both the girl and Fear. Anger, Joy, Disgust, and Sadness were slightly apprehensive at first, shocked by how it seemed to wipe the fear out of Fear himself. But the purple Emotion only smiled, giving, what was for him, an almost careless shrug.

"I just want Riley to be happy," he had said, and left no room for argument.

And there was nothing the others could deny about that. That was their goal in every situation. To keep Riley safe, happy, growing, and whatever else they might find the need to aid her in. And so, despite the inklings of a mistake on their part, they continued to proceed with their plan. The nightmares faded. In fact, Riley no longer had any dreams...that she could remember, anyway. Sleep was a dark void, empty of the imagination that was used and exhausted by day. But it was better than the horrors of before. Slowly, Riley's uncontrollable fear of losing those she loved began to fade, only a passing thought from time to time, easily fixed by a 'trip' to her mind's creation. Something that was a load off the shoulders of all within Headquarters. All within Riley.

But, even Joy would have to admit that the results weren't always so faultless. It couldn't be an easy fix. Of course not. While the main fears diminished, new, smaller ones cropped up. Fear became edgier than usual, whenever the Daydreams weren't running. He caused new phobias in Riley. She became afraid of the dark, far more than before. She became afraid of being alone, some mutated branch of her original fear. She became afraid of being around others, strangers; preferring to stay at home, inside. This worried Joy. She had always been a very social aspect of Riley, and she loved people. Riley had always been a people person. But now, she was forcing herself to be more secluded. More quiet. But no one, either at home or at school, noticed. Riley still smiled, gagged, cried, and lost her temper just like she had always done, but when it came to her fears...they just seemed all out of wack.

The Emotions brought it up a number of times, their concern for both Riley and Fear very clear. But Fear always assured them that everything was fine. Riley was happy. The fears were there, but they no longer had an eternal grip on her. With a switch of her focus, all of that disappeared. Fear felt as though it were the only time in his life he had...never been afraid. He ignored any whispers of anxiety about the Daydreams that arose within him. He pushed them back, soothed and, in a way, almost addicted, to the calming effect of the imagination of their little girl. He assured his colleagues that all was well, and, ironically, that they shouldn't worry.

Joy simply shrugged, a beaming smile spreading across her face. "Well, you're Fear, Fear; you know what Riley needs."

And they left it at that. What else could they say? Riley was happy. Nothing seemed to be seriously wrong; nothing they couldn't handle. Days rolled into weeks; weeks rolled into months. _Two years_ went by, and still nothing changed. But if there is one thing that you can always count on, it's change. Sometimes pleasant, and sometimes unpleasant.

But always for the good.

* * *

 **No, this story isn't over! Just wanted to clarify, in case I wasn't clear. As you can see, one problem has been avoided...but has another been erected in its place?**

 **The strange phenomenon that I describe in this chapter involving Riley's imagination is, again, a part of my life's story. I have dyslexia, as I believe I have mentioned to some of you before, or you've read it on my profile. Dyslexia is very, very common. One person in every five has it; maybe even a few of you. It made it hard for me to learn to read, write, tell time, and perform any math. That, again, is common of dyslexia. But another...'side-effect' of dyslexia is what some would call 'thinking in pictures'. It's as though all the time, 24/7, I have a movie going in my head of everything I think, feel, hear, say, see, etc. Controlled and concentrated it can be used as Riley does in this chapter, which is what I did. When I was Riley's age I was so terrified of the world around me, the real world, that I created a fake one in my head. These are not just normal daydreams; it's hard to explain. Whatever I thought of _was_ _as_ _real_ to me as the real, _real_ world. And while that was wonderfully freeing, I never realized that, at the same time, I was building my very own prison.**

 **To be continued...**


	8. Gone Wrong

Fear's large eyes were steadily focused on the Viewscreen, watching, full attention focused on that one action. Nothing else mattered. Nothing but the fake, safe reality which loomed before him. It felt so soothing, so calming to know that the things in Riley's world of imagination were harmless. That she, with a single thought, could change the course of the Daydream to be anything she wanted. She could steer away from the troubles, and worries, and fears. And it felt _good_. It seemed to tickle at the back base of her neck, fed something in her mind. It was truly repetitive, and yet, she never grew tired of it. She could transport herself to another world in the blink of an eye. She could see, feel, taste, smell, and hear that world; and it was hers.

Theirs.

It was theirs. It was as much Fear's as Riley's. He hardly ever left the console anymore during the day. Not even for breaks. He stood there, waiting. The minute Riley got scared, he would spring into action, pressing the buttons he had been created to control, but then the second he had finished, he would insert a Daydream key with all the desperation of a drowning man. He had learned to trigger it himself, and he no longer needed Joy, Anger, Disgust, nor Sadness to do so for him. He had memorized each one, and knew which ones were Riley's favorites, as well as his own. This one was about Riley winning every hockey game she could come up with. This one was Riley saving others, showing a bravery she felt she would never have in real life. And then there was the brightly colored key; Riley's favorite. In it was contained countless stories and 'movies' of characters from every film or book she had ever read. Riley had sent them on adventures, both humorous and dangerous. She had forced them to endure the suffering and feelings of hopelessness she had felt so often, and still struggled with. Sometimes they even dealt with death...but very rarely. Fear tended to steer her clear of those, if he could help it.

Riley loved characters. She found that she could further her imagination by drawing them on physical paper, and so she practiced. And practiced, and practiced. Soon, she filled countless sketchpads with cartoons, both of her own creation and not. She got better and better, always striving to capture the vivid pictures in her mind that only she could see. And it made her feel happy. She felt safe.

And it did the same for Fear.

The other Emotions were sometimes a little more apprehensive, and that feeling steadily grew. Sadness sometimes mumbled about how fast two years had flown by, and how Riley had spent more of it inside a world that didn't exist than in the real thing. That it was sad that Riley was missing so much of the beauty and excitement of the real world. Anger sometimes agreed with her, and argued that Riley needed to man up, and face the world instead of hiding in her own mind. Disgust was sometimes repulsed by the images Riley produced. The things she would sometimes put those imaginary characters through was horrendous, and at other times, senseless. And Joy...Well, Joy would flop back and forth on what she thought of it. Most times, she was as elated as Fear, enjoying every minute of the world their girl had created. But then, sometimes her eyes dulled, and the smile would slip from her face. It would all feel so useless and senseless, and every doubt from her friends would plague her. Her brightening glow would fade, and she didn't seem like herself at all.

Fear, however, pushed all their doubts aside, away from the world of safety Riley had made. He didn't want to believe that Riley was wasting her life away in a fantasy. He didn't want to believe that she needed to face the real world. He didn't want to believe that the things that she imagined were sometimes as dark and violent as the fears in her nightmares before. Somehow, these were different. It felt good to see these fake persons suffer, not out of cruelty or hatred, but just for the sake of believing that someone out there understood her pain. Fear didn't want to believe that was all as transparent as air. He didn't want to believe that this growing world in Riley's imagination was only an illusion of safety. He didn't want to believe...and so, he didn't. He pushed the doubts as far from him and Riley as he could, reveling in the world of make believe. He began to initiate the Daydreams even when Riley wasn't afraid, making it more of an entertainment. A world they could enter at will.

Where he and Riley were safe.

But it wouldn't last.

* * *

 _"Riley, honey, could you please bring this in to the cashier?"_

"Wha-" Fear blinked in confusion, Riley's eyelids on the screen mirroring his own. The Daydream had been interrupted, flickering out as the real world came back into focus. Car rides were always a good place to Daydream. No one bothered them, no one noticed that they were staring out into space, especially if they faced their head toward the window. But Riley had drifted in too deep, something that was happening more and more now, Fear realized. Time seemed to go by quicker when Riley Daydreamed. Mom had pulled into a gas station, and had already gotten out to pump, without any of them noticing. Now, as Riley looked to her mother, Mom was standing just outside the driver's side door, several bills and an odd number of change held out in Riley direction.

Fear's eyes widened. "W-what does she want us to do?"

Anger rolled his eyes, reaching forward to take hold of his own section of the controls. "She wants us to go pay for the gas, you nitwit!" He threw a lever back, eliciting a whimper from Fear. Riley's voice was heard from without Headquarters.

 _"Aw, Mom...Why do I have to do it?!"_

It was a tone definitely evoked by Anger, but, due to the light lavender hue that glowed within the console no matter who was driving, it came out much more like desperation. Riley didn't want to go pay for the gas, because she was afraid. And that fear made her mad.

 _"Riley, please, it will make this go by faster. We don't want to be late. Just tell them I'm putting in ten gallons."_

Still Riley remained as she was, looking at the money apprehensively. Anger turned on Fear, his eyes slits of frustration. "Take the money! All you have to do is hand it to the cashier!"

"B-but..." Fear curled in on himself, eyes flitting to the basket of Daydream keys. All he wanted was to let Riley slip back into that world of safety, but he couldn't neglect what she needed to do in real life. Swallowing, he tried to reign in his terror, while reaching out a hand to make Riley do the same. Riley's hand was shaking, which made Fear frown. He didn't want her to be afraid. Anger was right. There was nothing to be nervous about. It was just a cashier...What was so scary about that? Fear trembled even more. Lots of things. What if Riley dropped a dime on the way in? Or the line was really long, filled with creepy guys? Or what if they were closed? What if it was the wrong amount?!

Riley got out of the car, heading toward the small shop across the parking lot.

Fear's agitation grew. Riley's heartbeat was coming through loud and clear, vibrating within Headquarters like the pulsing thrum of an engine. In time with Fear's own wild beats of his frightened heart. The other Emotions gathered around him, more for support than anything else. When Riley was like this, only Fear could control her. They entered the store, the cool wall of air conditioning momentarily giving them relief from the heat outside. The shop was a busy place, customers rushing here and there. There was a line for the cashier, and though Riley dreaded it, she stepped in line behind a large, hairy man buying a drink and some candy. She kept looking down at the money in her hand, frowning and gnawing at her lip nervously. Fear made her count the money over and over again. The amount made her dizzy with worry. It didn't look like enough. But it had to be, Mom had counted it. Riley searched the wall behind the cashier for gas prices, then looked back down at the cash she held. Mom said she was buying ten gallons worth, and, according to the prices, that would come to...ah...to...Riley had always hated math, and it only caused her to feel more anxious. Suddenly, the money in her hand _wasn't_ enough, she was sure of it. It was _too_ much. She didn't want to look like a fool, not here, in front of all these people! With a shaking hand, Riley removed one quarter from her palm and put it in her pocket. There. That was right.

The line went quickly, and before Riley knew it, she was next. The man behind the counter was young, twenty maybe. He had a few piercing, and shaggy hair that stuck out from underneath a black baseball cap with some sports team she had never even heard about on it. His expression was a tired one, sick of a day's work and low on tolerance. It was clear all he wanted to do was go home. Fear pressed a few buttons to make Riley cautious. No sense baiting the grumpy fellow. Grumpy people were scary.

"Easy, Riley," he whispered gently, as if she could hear him, nudging the controls ever so slightly. He made her glance at the money one more time before she handed the cash over to the dreary fellow.

 _"M-my mom told me to tell you she's buying ten gallons worth of gas at..."_ She leaned to look out through the big, glass window. _"At pump three."_

She turned to leave, sighing in relief that she had done what she had been told to. Fear was prompting her to leave as soon as possible, but the cashier's voice stopped her cold.

 _"Wait a minute kid."_

Riley turned sharply, flinching. _"Yes, Sir?"_ Fear was practically in a panic. He gripped the console tightly, effectively managing to keep Riley outwardly calm. But only just barely.

 _"Normally I'd just let it slip, Kid,"_ the man continued, eyeing her sternly. _"But I'll get in trouble if my boss doesn't see the right amount."_ He held out his hand, and Riley stared at it in confusion. She couldn't figure out what he was talking about. The cashier became inpatient. _"The money, Kid."_

Riley automatically fished the quarter from her pocket, holding it out. The man snatched it from her and finished forcing it into the cash box, before completely ignoring her. Riley watched a moment, before realizing she was now done and the next person was up. With a dazed, blank expression, she headed back out to the car, shutting herself in the backseat without a word to her mother. The confusion left her soon after.

Disgust let out a moan of disbelief. "He...He thought we were trying to cheat him!" she declared, a look of social horror on her face. "He thought she was holding back that quarter on purpose!"

Anger growled, hitting the console at the same time as Disgust, creating in Riley a feeling of heated anger, disgust, and shamed embarrassment. "She would never do that!" he roared, pointing a finger up at the screen, even though all there was to look at now was the back of the passenger seat. "He doesn't know a thing about her, and yet he thinks he has the right to call her a thief?! She's only a little girl, for cry'n out loud!"

"That's sad..." Sadness reached out a hand, lightly brushing it over Anger's own, and an angry tear rolled down Riley's cheek. Riley didn't want something like that to happen ever again. She was afraid of it happening again. Afraid of the dreadful embarrassment it had created in her.

All at once, a Daydream, clear and obscuring the real world behind it, flashed onto the screen. All eyes turned to Fear, expecting to find him responsible, but he was just as confused as they were. "Riley did it herself..." Fear motioned to the console, showing the empty Daydream key hole. "She's figured out how to trigger them herself." He wasn't sure whether he should be happy about that, or frightened. He was always frightened, and yet, he was once again mesmerized by the Viewscreen. His fears and worries, and the sting from the man's insinuation, faded. Riley was safe again. And so was he.

Joy, who, as the days passed, tended to stand behind the others, stepped closer, a look of pained hesitation on her face. "Fear?...Um, Fear?" She touched his shoulder, and he jumped, turning to face her. "Fear, I don't think it's a good thing that Riley can trigger the Daydreams at will."

Fear raised an eyebrow, his smile fading. It was not like Joy to worry. He quickly realized how dull her glow had become, indicating that this was one of her had days. Joy just wasn't quite the same anymore. "Why not?" he found himself questioning, a little defensively. "It's not hurting her. It's _helping_ her." He frowned, facing her fully. "This whole Daydream plan was yours, remember?"

Joy flinched. "I...I know, but I'm beginning to wonder if I, you know...made the wrong decision."

Fear's eyes grew bigger. "W-what do you want me to do about it?" He didn't want to be told. He liked things as they were. He didn't want to change it.

Joy exchanged glances with the others, who she knew all shared her opinion. "Well, Fear, we've noticed some...problems." She said the word as though it were some poison twisting through Riley's body.

"L-Like what?"

"Like Riley not sleeping well at night," Disgust spoke up, polishing a nail on the hem of her green dress, more out of nervous habit than anything else. "She doesn't dream anymore. I'm not sure why, but that seems to effect how much rest she gets. Without dreams, she wakes up feeling all tired and icky. I mean, have you even seen her look in the mirror lately?! She looks like the walking dead!"

Anger nodded in agreement. "Yeah! And then there's this!" He gestured to the shelves and shelves of Memories lining the back wall of Headquarters. Purple Memories made up more than a quarter of them, and those that weren't completely lavender, made by the others, were streaked with purple, no matter the emotion. " _That_ ," Anger emphasized, "Is a problem!"

"But Riley's _happy_!" Fear insisted, wringing his hands so hard they stung. Surely they wouldn't want to take away that.

Anger stomped forward, pointing toward the Viewscreen, even though he kept his own eyes fixed on Fear's face. "Does this look happy to you?! She's living in terror! She's living in a fantasy! That is cool, granted, in small doses, but she's beginning to believe in it herself. She's started talking to these make believe friends, as though she thought they were real!"

Fear took a step back, shaking his head fervently. "She did that when she was little!"

"SHE'S NOT LITTLE ANYMORE!"

A shocked silence filled Headquarters. Even Anger seemed surprised with the force he had yelled. It was a struggle, but the red Emotion managed to reign in his frustration, which was really only a mask to hide his concern. His face softened, though his anger was still plainly visible. "She's not a little girl anymore," he repeated more softly.

Fear's eyes, which had been staring at his coworker in fright, blinked and lowered to the floor at his feet. Sadness moved forward, sensing his distress, and slipped her warm hand around his. The motion caused him to flinch, but he welcomed it like a lifeline.

"We know you're scared, Fear, but Riley has to face the world. She _has_ to. Otherwise she can't grow up."

"I don't _want_ her to grow up," Fear hissed, pulling away from her more forcefully than he had intended. "I don't _want_ her to face the world. She's safer _here_." He knew it was selfish, but he didn't care at the moment. This hurt. And if he listened, it would hurt Riley. Unless, this was hurting her more...

Sadness looked alarmed by his movement and words, tears brimming her eyes, not so much for herself, but for him. "But, Fear...She _has_ to." Her voice was a soft, soothing whisper that dug further into his soul than Anger's yelling ever could.

Fear felt his own eyes misting as he locked them on his clenched hands in front of his chest. He didn't want them to see him cry, but there was no way he could get away without doing so. He angrily brushed his sleeved arm across his vision, clearing the haze the best he could. As much as he hated to admit it, Fear knew they were right. This was no existence for their girl. They knew it, he knew it...and Riley knew it. "Why are you all looking at me for?" he sniffed, a sense of accusation in his voice. It felt like they were all suddenly ganging up on him.

"Because..." Joy looked into his shifting gaze, compassion and actual concern mirroring the expression he usually held. "You're Riley's main Emotion now."

Shock. "N-no..." He looked to the others in desperation, but none of them would look him in the eye. His spirits sank even lower. "I-I never meant to...to...Oh, Joy...I'm so sorry..." He felt his eyes well up even more. How amazing it was how fast one's feelings could change. He had been perfectly happy and content a moment ago. He wiped at his vision again, letting his eyes settle on the basket of Daydream keys. "What...what do you want me to do?"

Anger stepped forward, all his frustration gone from his expression, his face radiating true encouragement and support. It was as close to an apology for yelling as he would ever get. "Just...make her focus on _life_. Keep her from daydreaming. At least... not so much."

"A-alright." Fear figured there was no time like the present. Reaching out a weakly trembling hand, he brought down one, purple finger on the 'wake' button. Over the last two years, he had found that it treated Riley's daydreams just like any other dream. Pushing it, he shut his eyes, not wanting to face the real world even now. He expected the eerie light and sounds of the daydream to fade, and be replaced by Mom's solid voice...but nothing changed.

"Ah...Fear?"

Fear's eyes snapped open wide. Riley was still daydreaming. The button hadn't worked. He pushed it again, harder this time. Nothing. He pressed it again, and again, and again...Still nothing.

"Fear?!"

He began to frantically push, pull and slide every device on the console, his desperation growing with each failed attempt.

"FEAR?!"

Fear turned sharply to Joy, shaking so hard he could barely get the words out. "I-I-I c-c-CAN'T! S-SHE WONT R-RESPOND!"

 _She wont respond._

* * *

 **Uh oh...Figures things wouldn't last.**

 **I just wanted to thank you all so much for your reviews and support! It means more to me than I can express!**


	9. Fading Joy

"S-SHE WON'T R-RESPOND!"

The words left him in a shriek, whether in frustration, terror, or pain, he couldn't tell. His worries and fears that he had worked so hard to push away, slammed back into his body with terrible force. He was shaking - no, he was more than shaking - he was convulsing. His teeth were gritted together so hard they creaked, his tongue stuck to the roof of his dry mouth. He felt the others gasp, moving forward out of concern, whether for him or Riley he wasn't sure. Maybe both. His hands had given up on pressing buttons, and now just lay there across the controls, griping so tightly it was a wonder he hadn't dug fingerprints into the metal itself. His mind was a panic. He felt claustrophobic. Trapped. Trapped! Can't get out! CAN'T GET OUT! CAN'T GET O-

"Fear?" That was Joy. She had actually reached out to touch him, something the others were too afraid to try. He didn't flinch or jump as her fingers wrapped around his shoulder, and he didn't fight her when she pulled him around to face her. "Fear, listen...Calm down...Deep breaths...It's going to be alright..." She breathed with him, holding him steady as though, if she released him, he would hurt himself in his hysteria.

Hurt himself _further_.

A trickle, a sort of prickling sensation slipped down his palm, causing the purple Emotion to look down as his breaths steadied...and then practically stopped breathing altogether. There, slowly leaking down his hand, was his body's equivalent of blood. Not red, like he knew Riley's to be, but a light lavender, glowing iridescently. Joy's eyes locked on it at the same instant he did, and she snatched his wrist to prevent him from hiding it. Fear thought he heard Disgust gag, but not in a dramatic, attitude-induced way, but a true, real sound of shocked revulsion. He must have hurt himself when he had been frantically moving the controls. Some of them could be quite sharp.

Joy had gone pale. They all had. None of them could remember ever seeing one of their own kind _bleed_. They hadn't known it was possible. Though, this wasn't necessarily blood; it was energy, but they were the same thing in either sense. Fear had been hurt. He was losing his life force. They weren't even sure if that was serious or not. It seemed to be the equivalent of a small cut on his palm, nothing more. Out of all of them, Fear was the most horrified.

"This needs to stop," he whispered, eyes fixed on the translucent purple liquid. His voice was surprisingly steady, despite the terror that was raging inside of him. His eyes were wide, and he lifted them to Joy's dull face. "H-help me stop this!" The desperation in his tone was heart-wrenching, adding even more concern to the faces of his friends.

Sadness looked close to tears. "We can't," she practically wailed, speaking into the neck of her sweater shamefully. "The console can only be controlled by the Emotion whose color glows within it...It's purple." As if that explained everything.

Anger stepped forward, his own gaze still locked on Fear's injured hand. His voice was frustrated, but only just noticeably. He sounded more desperate and determined than anything else. "But we've been using it for two years, mixing colors left and right! Lately, it's always purple, and we've still been able to function as usual...with only a few glitches."

Disgust had come forward, helping Joy in calming Fear's heavy breathing. She couldn't seem to bring herself to touch him, the blood causing her natural feelings to keep her at bay, but she hovered her small hands over his arm, giving encouragement that way with her presence. "That was when it was faintly purple...This is different. Riley's all scared, instead of just partly. She's not just anxious...she's totally freaked out."

"Which means Fear is in complete control," Joy intoned seriously. Fear shuddered under her grip, and her face softened with compassion. "You can do this, Fear. Panicking is only making things worse. We know you're not doing any of this on purpose. Just...Just calm yourself, and then...try the controls again."

Fear snapped his eyes to hers. "What?! Joy...J-Joy, I _can't_! I'm only making things worse!"

"You _can_ do it...You can. Things can't get any worse. We're all right here to help you...You _can_ do it." She grimaced, in what looked like pain. "Just relax and try again."

Fear gave a shivering sigh, one that came out more like a gasp. Things could _always_ get worse.

Steeling himself, he turned back to the console, taking in the object's strong, pulsing glow of purple. How he hated it. To him, it only meant he was hurting Riley. Why? _Why?!_ Why was it that his instincts told him to do this to her?! How could making her suffer possibly ever come to any good? Laying his uninjured hand back on the console, he took a deep, calming breath, or at least as calm as he could. The glow in the controls burned brighter for a moment, like the fed flame of a candle, before dimming slightly. Joy was gently rubbing his shoulders, whispering encouragement behind him. Her breathing sounded off, but Fear couldn't think about that now. Fear could feel the others around him, trying to support him the best they could without crowding him.

"Good. Good, Fear," Joy winced, "Again. Think about what you have to do. Bring her back."

Fear closed his eyes, breathing slowly through his mouth. His stomach was churning in anxious nausea, and dizziness threatened to make him unconscious before his task was done. But he held on, fighting silently with the console, with _Riley_ , while Headquarters remained absolutely still and quiet. All at once, the daydream began to flicker, the car ride in the real world momentarily flashing into view, before fading again. Fear fought harder. The screen flickered again. And again. Then, like the blissful rays of sun after an eternal winter, the dull colors of the real world became clear, and the daydream retreated. Fear leaned forward against the console, gasping each breath in relief.

"I-I did it..." he panted, disbelief and surprise evident in his face. "I-I can't believe I did it..."

Joy smiled weakly, giving his shoulders a light squeeze. "You did it." Then her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed to the floor in a heap.

"JOY!"

They all crouched beside her, their faces masked in horror. Their calls and shaking of the weakly glowing Emotion proving to be in vein. Fear clutched her like a lifeline, forgetting all about his bleeding hand. The purple energy smeared on Joy's arm, unnoticed by her frightened companions. Joy was the sun to their every rainy day. To see her like this...It was as though someone had killed every hope they had ever had. She would be alright, wouldn't she? She'd be up and about and smiling, just as always. Of course she would. Wouldn't she?

"What's wrong with her?!" Disgust cried out, flapping her arms as if she were a bird about to fly away.

"How should I know?!" Anger snapped, true fear shining in his eyes as he attempted to lift the unconscious Emotion into a limp, sitting position. Fear helped him, his fingers trembling, but holding firm.

Sadness hovered anxiously beside Disgust, as the two boys tried to figure out what to do now that they had Joy leaning against them. "We should bring her to the couch," she suggested worriedly. "Lay her down until she comes to." _If she comes to._

Anger nodded, helping Fear lift Joy to her soft, bare feet. Between the two of them, they managed to get her up and forward. Luckily, she wasn't that heavy, even at a dead weight, and the couch was not far from where she had fallen. Settling her still form on the sofa, Anger and Fear stepped back, joining Disgust and Sadness in silence.

Disgust shook her head in disbelief, rare tears sparkling in her eyes. "What _happened_ to her?"

"I'll tell you what happened!" Anger suddenly exploded. " _He_ happened!" His thick, red finger shot out accusingly in Fear's direction. "He's hurting Riley, and now he's hurting Joy!"

"Anger..." Sadness's voice was filled with shock, her eyes flitting to Fear as if she was afraid the worlds alone might be enough to crush him. But Anger wasn't finished.

" _He_ started this whole mess; him and his stupid fears! What is even the _use_ of worrying and trembling and cowering?! He's taken over! Joy can't survive in a place where only fear exists! YOU'RE KILLING HER!" The shout seemed to reverberate off the walls, echoing in all their minds, even if it didn't in real life. Anger blinked, a look of horror passing into his expression as his anger abruptly faded and he realized what he had just said. A sense of surreal shame crept inside of him, prompting him to stutter. "F-Fear..."

But the purple Emotion wasn't listening. Hands clenched tightly at his side, his eyes had screwed shut, as if blocking out something terribly painful. His voice came out strained and hurt, sorrow and anguish pouring off of him in torrents. "I-I never meant to...Oh, _please_... _somebody,_ please, help me... _Stop_ me." He sank to the floor, the very image of dejection, weeping softly. Broken.

Two sets of accusing eyes landed on Anger, making him wish for all the world that he could just disappear. He knew he had been wrong in what he had said. He hadn't meant a word of it, he knew that. His anger gone, his own words repeated in his mind, haunting him and making his heart incredibly heavy. "Fear..." He didn't know what to say. How could he possibly undo what he had just done. Take away the incredible burden he had just thrown on his friend's shoulders. He didn't know how to fix it. Fix what he had said. All at once something dripping from Fears clenched fist caught his attention, filling his heart with even more shame. Fear's hand was still bleeding.

Sending the girls a look that told them he would handle Fear, try his best to fix what he had done, Anger moved forward, slowly pulling the purple Emotion back to his shaky feet. Fear let him, so desperate for help that he didn't care who it was. Anger felt Fear stiffen slightly under his firm hand, but made sure he didn't hold on too tightly. If Fear wanted to pull away, Anger wouldn't stop him. Anger wouldn't blame him. But the thinner Emotion didn't even try to move out of his reach, instead allowing Anger to lead him up and around to behind the Memory shelves, where they could be alone. The moment they were out of the girls' sight, Anger's facial expression changed from one of gruff worry to intense, compassionate, and heartbroken concern. He took hold of Fear's wrist, scanning the injury as though he expected the wound to be deeper because of his words. Having nothing else to work with, he removed his black tie, using it to bind the cut. Fear winced as the cloth was quickly, but gently, wrapped around his palm, fighting the urge to whip his hand out of Anger's grasp. His tear-filled eyes were fixed on the floor, not even aware of Anger's change of attitude. Anger worked swiftly, his natural personality urging him to keep physical contact at a minimum. As soon as the job was done, he let go, looking up at Fear as he struggled to find the right words. Fear beat him to it.

"Y-You're right, you know," he sniffed, dragging a sleeve under his long nose. "I-I don't have any use...I can...can only h-hurt those I care for..."

Anger felt his heart sink further. "Fear, I-"

"I used to be the protector...M-my job used to be to keep Riley _safe_..." His gaze lifted from the floor, fixing a piercing stare straight into Anger's own. "What is my use now? It's not the same. I-I don't understand." He closed his eyes with a shuddering attempt to stow away a heavy sob. "A-and now Joy's...Joy's being hurt by me too...Anger, I can't stand it...I feel like one more blow and...and..." He shuddered, as though it were all to much to even think about. "I'm _killing_ her," he whispered faintly, cradling his injured hand against his chest, curling in on himself in grief and emotional pain. More than he had ever experienced before.

Anger felt like smashing something, most of all himself. He hated his temper. Hated how it made him speak without thinking. Act without thinking. Fear was hurt by his words. Badly. Genuinely. "Fear, I never meant any of that," he tried, his sentence sounding lame even in his own ears. "Disgust is the one whose right. Each of us serves a purpose. You _do_ keep Riley safe, every minute of every day. Don't let jerks like me tell you otherwise." Fear calmed slightly, so he continued. "This whole mess isn't your fault. Something just seems to be...aimed at making you do what you're do'n...I don't understand it either. But you have to keep it together, OK? I'm..." Anger swallowed, his next words going against everything that made him who he was. "I_I'm sorry, Fear...What I said was...was wrong. We'll get you through this. You, Joy, _and_ Riley." He hesitantly reached out a stubby hand, patting Fear's trembling arm uncomfortably, in a subtle attempt to sooth his unsettled colleague.

Fear shook his head, shifting uneasily. "I-I'm not sure of that anymore...Anger?"

The red Emotion flinched at the nervousness in his friend's voice. "Yeah?"

"C-Can you take over for a while?"

"Now, wait a-"

"The console's fixed...a-at least for now. And anything has got to be better than me driving. You're so strong and...and steadfast, I know you can get Riley to stop these daydreams. I just...can't do it anymore...I'm so tired..." He felt as though he would melt, his body suddenly incredibly exhausted.

Anger backed away a step, rubbing the base of his neck while looking around him as though looking for help. He turned back to Fear, his resolve crumbling under the purple Emotion's moist, pleading gaze. "But we don't know what that will _do_!" he hissed. "We don't know what I might do to her!"

"It's got to be better than me driving," Fear repeated, brokenly. "Please, Anger. I-I can't do this..."

Anger stared up at him, two warring thoughts visible in his face. He was afraid to give it a try, though he'd never admit it. He was afraid for Riley, and Joy, and Fear. Afraid for them _all_. It made him irritable, and frustrated. But, with what he had said to Fear, how could he refuse his friend's one request. _He needs a break,_ Anger thought carefully, his eyes taking in Fear's shivering form, hand bandaged and stained with a smear of purple. _Just do it...until we can figure out how to help him._ Sighing in resignation, Anger made his decision.

"Alright, Fear. I'll drive."

* * *

Riley blinked, a frown of confusion crossing her face. By now, she had become very conscious of her ability to daydream the real world away, and enjoyed the safety it brought her. She loved the colorful worlds and characters her imagination had made up and gathered over the past two years. She had mastered the art of drifting away into her little world, leaving everything she dreaded behind her. She had almost forgotten the whole cashier incident, riding in the back seat of her mother's car, on their way home. She had triggered a particularly violent scene, of one of her favorite characters saving the life of another by putting himself in danger. As graphic as it was, it soothed her, as she subconsciously wished that there had been someone to take the cashier's verbal blow for her. It made her feel better, seeing the character suffer like her, or even more than her.

But then it was gone.

The images froze, flickering away to reveal nothing but the leather backing of the passenger seat. Her daydream interrupted, she felt disoriented. Stunned. And then, a strange sensation, one that she had managed to avoid for some time, crept into her chest. Fear. Trapped, the feeling seemed to scream. TRAPPED! Trapped in what? She couldn't tell. Her mind flickered again, regaining the daydream, only to lose it again. Suddenly, she _wanted_ to terminate it, she wanted to stop the daydream. She was scared. What was happening? Her brain felt thick, like she was mentally stuck in quicksand. She released a shuddering breath, feeling all at once a huge wave of hopelessness and despair. She blinked again, focusing on the world around her.

All the joy she had ever felt about her self-discovered ability, faded. Wiped out of existence, unconscious within her. This was wrong. Something wasn't right about this...And yet...She still loved those daydreams. Loved the safety that they gave. Her mind was in a war with itself. All happiness seeming to have disappeared from view. Suddenly, she felt upset. That feeling gave way to frustration.

And then pure, unashamed anger.

Two kinds of anger. An anger that she couldn't seem to get herself to daydream...

And an anger at herself for wanting to.

* * *

 **Kind of short again. Sorry. I have to write this stuff in bits now...It's bringing back some rather intense memories for me. But it is TOTALLY worth it. If even one person reads this story, and walks away with something, it's worth more to me than anything. :)**

 **You are all so worth it.**


	10. Collapse

**WARNING: Some of the subject matter in this chapter will live up to this story's T rating. You have been warned. Thank you.**

* * *

Riley didn't know what was wrong. In all rights, nothing should be wrong at all. Life was good. School was going well. She had made quite a few friends. Hockey was awesome in all possible respects. Christmas was coming, and the holiday spirit had already taken hold all around her.

But not within her. And she couldn't figure out why. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to have that same giddiness she had always had this time of year. But she couldn't seem to be able to feel it. It was as if all the pleasure and joy had been stripped from her. There was hardly _any_ joy. She wasn't feeling much of anything these days. Even her struggle with fear had diminished. Day after day came and went, all the same, and all equally pointless. There was no drive to her life. She felt there wasn't any use to anything she was doing.

And that made her angry.

In fact, that was the only thing she seemed to really feel. Oh, the other emotions were still there, but frustration, along with a depressive sadness, seemed far more prevalent. It disgusted her. Life disgusted her. She disgusted herself. What was the point of all this? What was the point of life?! She tried to console herself with the fact that everyone got depressed sometimes. She herself had dealt with in on many occasions. But this was different. All the other times had been short, minuscule states that she seemed to go through on cycle. But they never lasted long. This, however, was far more powerful. She felt as though she had fallen down into an oil slicked pit, that she just couldn't seem to get out of. Every time she thought she had made it, and dared to actually smile, she would tumble back down into it with a growl of frustration.

 _Useless. Stupid. Ugly._

The words seemed to tumble out of her every time she looked in the mirror. She hated herself, and she didn't know why. She felt like smashing the mirror, seeing only what she had convinced herself to see. _Fat. Ugly. Stupid._ She knew; deep down she knew none of those were true. But, somehow, that didn't matter. She felt it was true. She made herself think it was true. Her anger grew every day, only outmatched by a nearly overwhelming sadness. She hated it. She hated herself.

She didn't know how much more of this she could take.

* * *

"I-I...I can't do this anymore..."

Anger's tone was shaky and tired, something none of the other Emotions had ever seen in him before. His breathing was heavy, and, though it went against his words, he gripped the controls tightly. Sadness, who stood beside him, shared his feelings, but also knew they had no choice.

"But we have to," she whimpered lowly, tears welling in her eyes. She looked at Anger sadly, wishing with all her heart that there was some other answer she could give.

"Why?!" Anger suddenly broke out, hands shivering, but remaining where they were. "We're hurting her! All of us are hurting her! No matter who drives, whether it's you or me, or even Disgust! The only person who could do any good is Joy, and the console won't even work for her!"

Joy sat behind them on the sofa, alongside a trembling Fear. She had taken hold of his hand at some point, whether to calm his nerves or, possibly, her own. She was very pale, her glow less than half of what it used to be. She turned her dull eyes toward Anger, wishing her guilt would just disappear. "That's...That's why...you have to...drive," she breathed, almost too weak to talk. "Someone has to...has to drive."

Anger closed his eyes in an odd mix of fury and anguish. He hated this. _Hated_ it. _Hated_! He dispised that their hands; their loving hands, could do nothing but harm to their girl. Riley was now running on completely negative thoughts. No matter who was driving, the feelings they fed the console morphed into some twisted version that only made matters worse. When Disgust snubbed her nose up at some meal or another, Riley, instead of simply disliking the food, would launch into a looping thought of how picky and stupid she was. How she deserved not to eat anything at all, fat and ugly as she was. The first time it happened, Disgust had gasped, stung by what her touch had done. In the same way, when Riley saw herself in the mirror, Disgust would try to coax her to brush the snarls from her hair, and just look presentable, but all Riley would do was sneer into the mirror, eyes locked on her gaze in the reflection, so that it was like she were looking right at them. She would hurl names at herself. Angry words. Words of total disgust with herself. It was enough to claw at Disgust's aching heart.

Anger was in no better position. He tried his hardest, his absolute hardest, to do what he had always done for Riley; tried to keep life fair and right. But know, no matter what he tried to make her angry at around her, she would always turn his feelings inward, directing her anger and frustration toward herself. And yet, Riley had to feel something. Or she wouldn't be Riley. Fear helping was out of the question. Anger had promised to give him a break, and he was trying to. Trying with every particle of his being. But it just wasn't proving to be enough.

Sadness seemed to be the only one of them who was keeping Riley afloat. Her melancholy power seemed to lesson the blow of Anger and Disgust, but it still wasn't good. Riley was constantly sad. At any moment she might just burst out in tears. Sadness did her best to try and balance the other struggling Emotions, but felt horrible about how she was effecting their girl.

And then there was Joy. The console refused to even acknowledge her. Oh, sometimes Riley would let her sneak in a smile or laugh, but they were always fake. Forced. They were sure that Riley's family and friends must be seeing the difference. They _must_ have noticed. How couldn't they? The girl was falling apart from the inside out. Joy was ill, fading, but not gone. She still lingered in the back of Headquarters, longing to stand in her rightful place in Riley's mind. Fear sat beside her, clinging to her as though he believed that, if he didn't, she would simply cease to exist. He too had been forgotten by Riley, at least for the time being, and for that he was grateful. That strange trap of imagination had diminished slightly, though, it too still lingered. Riley wasn't focusing on her fears anymore. She hadn't had a nightmare in weeks. And yet, he was always there, like Joy, hovering by the coach, longing to jump in.

"We're...having Casandra over...later," Joy spoke up weakly, griping Fear's fingers just a little bit tighter. "Maybe that will cheer her up." Her enthusiasm, low as it was, far outshone anything else in the room. She was that small glimmer of hope that they all needed so desperately. It was true, though. Casandra might help Riley. Someone had to.

Fear remained silent. He didn't say much anymore, concentrating on keeping his worries to himself. Sometimes he felt doing so would kill him, he had so many fears locked up. So many things that crept inside of him, clawing to come out. But he forced it deep down inside himself. He could not - _would_ not - hurt Riley again. Never. If it killed him.

He hoped Joy was right. Riley needed a distraction.

* * *

"You want something to eat, Riley?"

Riley blinked at Casandra's question. Was she hungry? Yes. Would she eat something? No. She hated food. Hated her stupid, fat, ugly body. Hated it. "No, but you go ahead, Casandra," she answered, a fake smile creeping across her face. "I'll just keep you company." Her mind was feeling particularly overwhelmed today. Too many problems, and too much stress was knocking around in her head. She felt weak with emotion, close to a breaking point she had never even known existed. _Still_ didn't know existed. But would know soon enough.

Casandra led the way down the stairs of Riley's house. It was getting late, but that was alright. Casandra was staying over tonight, studying with Riley for a test the next day. The two girls, dressed in their warm pajamas, made their way to the fridge. Mom and Dad were out tonight, meeting one of Dad's clients at a restaurant. The friendly man and his wife had invited Mom to tag along, and Mom had jumped at the chance to get out of the house. Riley wasn't used to being home alone, even though she was certainly old enough, but with Casandra there she felt more at ease. But only a little. Her mind still felt incredibly taut, practically ready to snap. At each breath her stomach lurched, with a feeling she couldn't quite place. Even as they reached the fridge, her thoughts felt confused, with just a thin, but growing, base of anger.

Casandra opened the refrigerator door with a rattle of glass jars and the hum of refrigeration. She did it as though it were her own property. Normally, Riley didn't mind, but, for some reason, tonight it gnawed at her growing irritation.

"You sure you don't want anything, Riley?"

Riley wanted to say no. She really did. But now that she could see the food, bright and tempting in the artificial bulb of the fridge, she felt a hunger growl within her stomach. Her mind warred with itself, a strong flare of self anger washing over her, even though she had already made up her mind. "Yeah...I guess I will." Instantly a wave of self disgust hit her. Strong and powerful, it backed up behind the dam of pent up rage, mixing dangerously into a bottled self hate. Riley could feel it, horrid thoughts flashing into her mind. Thoughts and words about herself she would never dare utter out loud. Something in her mind still recoiled in horror at this development. Something still held the flow of hate back. Something.

Riley took out the jar of peanut butter and the one of jelly, grabbing a knife from the drawer as she passed it to the counter beside the sink. She grabbed a plate and some bread, while Casandra helped herself to some leftover chicken. Riley slowly and solemnly opened the peanut butter jar, smelling the rich, creamy scent that released from within it. A single thought shuttled through her mind at lightening speed.

 _Fattening_.

But she kept going, pushing those thoughts down like a metal spring. She opened the jelly jar, its sticky substance getting on the tips of her fingers. Other thoughts rocketed through her mind.

 _Disgusting. Pig. Look at the mess you are._

Riley's right hand tightened around the knife, trembling slightly with the pure hate building behind it.

"Hey, Riley, you alright over there?"

Riley didn't hear Casandra. All she could hear was the words echoing through her mind.

"Riley! What's up with you, huh?"

Riley gritted her teeth, eyes glaring down at the food before her, a red haze beginning to cloud her vision.

Casandra came up behind her, slightly concerned by this point. She carefully reached out a hand, laying it gently on Riley's shoulder. The reaction was immediate.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

The dam had broken.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU DON'T GET ME OR WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!"

Her right hand was held up by her head, the knife shaking menacingly, pointed at Casandra as Riley's hysteria continued.

"I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!"

She wasn't even sure what it was she hated.

No. No she knew.

The knife lowered, turning toward her own chest.

"I HATE ME!"

* * *

"I can't stop her! Help! I can't stop her!"

Anger had never been one to admit he couldn't do something. He was a very prideful being. But what was unfolding now was far beyond pride. Far above anything the Emotions had ever dealt with. Anger and Disgust had tried their best, they really had, but it had just made things worse. Sadness had let go of the controls with a jolt, tears coursing down her cheeks as she backed away. That had been just before Riley broke. Now, lights blared all over the console, Riley's heartbeat below them was deafening; fast and irregular. The force behind Riley's yells - no, _screams_ \- was barely audible behind the pounding rhythm. The Viewscreen was shrouded in a blood red mist, making everything within Headquarters a terrible crimson.

Anger had let go of the console, as had Disgust, hands held up as though they were afraid their limbs might be drawn to it otherwise. Riley was screaming at her best friend. Holding a knife in her direction, practically tensing, physically and mentally, to attack. The look on Casandra's face was almost more heartrending than Riley's words. She looked frightened; frightened of her own best friend. It was a look of terror, and horror. She backed up slightly, eyes flicking between Riley's face and the knife.

"I CAN'T STOP HER!" Anger's voice yelled again, more desperate than ever over all the noise of chaos and hurt. He turned panicked eyes behind him, seeing that both Joy and Fear had jumped to their feet. Joy looked very unsteady, but Fear was looking uncommonly tense and firm. But suddenly, mid-stride, both Emotions froze, mouths wide, as well as their eyes, in total terror and disbelief. Anger couldn't figure out what was wrong, until he followed their gaze back to the foggy Viewscreen.

Riley now had the knife pointed at herself.

"RILEY!"

Fear was far quicker than he looked. With a speed born of desperation, he threw himself at the controls so hard his knees banged against the side as he stopped, grabbed a lever and pulled. Riley blinked, the red mist clearing slightly to become tinged in purple haze. The hand with the knife, still hovering somewhere near her heart, quivered and shook, as though her entire body were on vibrate. Fear was breathing just as heavily, standing alone at the console, the others too shocked and frightened to join him. He jerked his free hand to yet another lever, pressing a button to make Riley release her grip.

* * *

Riley shuddered visibly, her gaze still wide and hysterical. Her eyes suddenly jerked to her hand, perceiving the knife and its position. Then she looked back at Casandra, seeing her friend's horror and concern for the first time. A terrible fear of what she was doing, what she had nearly done, overwhelmed her in a second wave of emotion, covering the previous wave of anger, disgust, and hate, and making it disappear in a swirl of guilt and terror.

With a spastic, unnatural jolt, Riley threw the knife into the sink, away from her and her trembling hand. It landed with a smash, breaking one of Mom's beautiful dinner plates completely in half.

There was a moment of silence, in which both girls looked, wide-eyed at the broken platter and the knife lying beside it, and then the spell was shattered. Riley collapsed to her knees, arms wrapped around herself, crying, sobbing, weeping brokenly. The red haze was gone, and only terror remained. In fact, fear was the only thing she could feel, besides guilt. She didn't feel anything else, inside or out. She didn't even feel when Casandra knelt down beside her and pulled her into a desperate hug.

There was nothing but fear.

* * *

Fear's hands shook.

His body shook.

But his mind was more shaken than anything else within him. He was shocked into a catatonic state, fingers still griping the controls so hard they creaked under the strain. Or maybe that was his fingers themselves. He couldn't tell. He couldn't tell anything. All he could feel, and see, was the image of Casandra, their best friend, gazing in horror into Riley's eyes. Gazing up at her as though Riley were some sort of...of lunatic.

Lunatic.

 _Oh no, please..._

His hands shook harder as he fought against his own nature. He would not burden Riley with a fear like that. He wouldn't. He wouldn't! He would fight with all he had to keep Riley; good, sweet, innocent Riley, safe. He was done doing this to her. He had tried to help by letting Anger drive. Then tried Anger along with the others. But all Riley's mind seemed willing to fully accept was _him_. Well, he was done! No more fears. _Please, Riley._ No more fears.

But he couldn't help it.

The fear echoed in his own mind, somehow finding a way to travel from him into Riley. Headquarters was now bathed in a intense purple light, foreboding in its beauty. The console hummed with it, and Fear felt that he wouldn't have been able to remove himself from it if he tried. His body refused to move, even as that one true fear passed from his mind into Riley's, as the young girl was once again consumed by fear.

* * *

Riley was shaking now, all the anger and hate having drained from her so quickly it left her hollow. She cried into her hands, wanting to run to her room in embarrassment, and yet still so overwhelmed that she couldn't do anything more than weep. She could feel Casandra beside her now, but she didn't look at her. She couldn't. Not after what she had said. Not after what she had almost done.

And then, like a poisonous snake biting her in the heart, a new fear arose within her. It shook her to her core; knocked the breath right out of her with its intensity. It repeated over and over in her head, each time equally destructive. She had thought that she was done with this! She thought those past fears had been the worst she would ever face! She had thought the worst had been behind her!

She couldn't have been more wrong.

 _I'm crazy._

 _I'm going insane._

 _I've lost my mind._

They were all things that she might have joked about once. Once. But now, as the thoughts and terror proceeded to suffocate her, the phrases had never been so real. Never had they been uttered so seriously in her mind. She didn't just think it.

She believed it.

* * *

 **Oh my goodness...this was so hard to write. Yes, again, all of this is true. The incident with the knife is true, only it was my little sister instead of a friend like Casandra who was there. Everything else...should be accurate. At least as accurate as I can recall. Like Riley, I wasn't exactly completely aware when it happened. But as you can see, that incident led to the scariest fear of my life to date. And I highly doubt there are many fears that equal it (though I'm sure that there are others). I was truly convinced I had mentally snapped. And maybe I had. If I had to choose a single point in my life, so far (I'm only 21), it would have to be this was the worst. The most terrifying. A young girl, 12 or 13 years of age, convinced that she was insane.**

 **Things seemed hopeless. Nothing could fix this, right? What could fix someone so broken, so frightened, and so full of anger and self hate? I thought I was lost. An I was.**

 **But like the summery of this story says, "Sometimes the worst moments of our lives turn out to be our best...Or lead to the best."**

 **Don't give up reading this. I has a happy ending, I promise. ;)**


	11. Struggling Through the Storm

"FEAR!"

The name ripped from Joy's throat even as she sprang forward to reach their friend. Headquarters was in total chaos. A terrible, violet hue flooded every corner of the place, sapping all other colors away. A hum filled the air; a dreadful, powerful, frightening noise of something overloading. And in the middle of it all, Fear stood gasping in complete panic over the controls, stiff and erect, hands clutching the console in tense desperation. He looked so small and helpless. So alone. Why was he alone? Even as Joy rushed forward, she saw the others doing the same, all asking themselves the same question. Why was Fear alone? They had promised to help him through this, and here he stood by himself; abandoned. They had all frozen, left the action to him, too shocked to move. But now something was terribly wrong, they could feel it. Just the sight was wrong. Fear should never be alone.

Joy reached out a hand, only a matter of running steps away from him. She didn't know what she planned to do once she reached him. There was nothing she could do for Riley right now, and the same might apply to Fear. But she had to try. She had to. Just a few more s-

' _BAMM_!'

Joy staggered back, gasping in pain as she rebounded off of something hard and unmoving. Her already weakened body screamed in pain, and she found herself falling backward, only to be caught by Anger, who had been hurrying alone behind her. Joy rubbed her aching head and chest, already feeling the bruises forming, but she paid little attention to that. Struggling back to her feet, Joy reached out hesitantly with the gentle fingers of her hand, flinching when they came to rest on something solid. Solid, but completely invisible. "Wha-?" She ran both hands along it; up, down, left and right, but it was there in every direction. A barrier. An invisible barrier.

"Sadness! What is this?!" She could barely keep the panic from her voice. Her frailty and weakness forgotten in her concern for her friend. She turned abruptly to the blue emotion, eyes bright with tears of pain and worry.

Sadness had her hands pressed against the wall as well, gazing in sadly at the lone figure within. "I-It's a wall, Joy. It blocks out all other Emotions other than the one inside it, at the console." Her eyes welled with her own load of tears.

"You mean, Fear put this up?!" Anger growled, leaning his full weight upon it. He too was concerned, eyes constantly flitting between Fear and the barrier that was keeping them from reaching him.

"I...I don't think he knows he's doing it," Sadness sniffled, hugging herself. "It's a coping mechanism. When Riley is too overwhelmed, she is controlled by a single Emotion so strongly it keeps her from feeling anything else. It's...It's never happened before, but the Manuel says only two Emotions can trigger it. Fear and...and me."

"Is there a way you could get the barrier down somehow?" Disgust breathed shakily. Her eyes were locked on Fear, who still stood, painfully tensed, over the controls. He looked as though he might snap. "Can he hear us?" she inquired, giving the barrier a surprisingly violent slam. Fear didn't even flinch.

"No, I don't think he can," Sadness said, taking the green Emotion's hand in her own, knowing that Disgust had probably hurt it in the attempt to catch Fear's attention. "It blocks out everything. I-I think I can bypass it, but it might take a bit of time."

Joy's expression hardened. "How much time?"

"Hours...days..."

"Do it." The sooner they found a way around this thing, the sooner they could help both Riley and Fear.

* * *

Fear felt as though his body were going to shake itself apart. His mind was in shock, his eyes glued to the screen, forcing him to be still, stuck to the console. He was consuming Riley again, only this time it was different. She was feeding off of him, increasing her own fear and _emotional_ pain, all while draining him and causing him _physical_ pain. He gasped with each devastating wave, feeling as though he were going to pass out, but at the same time completely incapable of doing so. Something held him in its power, keeping him where he was. He vaguely wondered why the others weren't helping him. Why weren't they there beside him, telling him that everything was going to be alright? Was it because they thought he deserved this? After all the trouble he had caused, had they finally just had enough of him?

Another jolt of agony shot through him, and his back arched slightly, his hands shaking as they tried to pull away from the controls, before they were forced back as though they were magnetized.

He _did_ deserve this. He did. He had made Riley's life miserable. He had caused her to be terrified of practiacally everything. Permitted her to build an imaginary world, only for her to get stuck in a fantasy. Then he had forced rage and depression on her by making Anger, Sadness, and Disgust take over. How selfish! He deserved this. He was certain. He hoped it tore him apart.

As long as it didn't tear Riley up with him.

* * *

Riley finally struggled to her feet, her mind now roaring with so many fears she felt it would explode. She was afraid of what Casandra might be thinking of her. She was afraid of what her parents would say when they found out about what she had almost done. That she had broken the dinner plate too. And behind all those fears, the old horrors returned. What if she lost someone she loved? What if she lost her friends? Her home? Was she ugly? Was she fat and stupid? Was she-

 _You're insane. You're crazy. You've lost your mind. You're insane. You're insane. You're insane._

It repeated in her mind like some terrible chant. With each thought, her pain grew. Her horror grew. It was all she could feel now.

Pushing out of Casandra's hold, Riley made a panicked dash for the stairs, not even daring to look back; afraid to see Casandra with that terrible look of fear on her face. Mortified by her supposed 'best friend's actions. How could Riley ever face her again? How could she face anyone ever again? She raced up the stairs, stumbling up each step noisily. She reached the top, clinging to the rail a moment before propelling herself down the hall to her bedroom. She ran inside, slamming the door shut behind her. She stood with her back against it, the only sound in the room her own ragged breathing. Her eyes wide, she scanned the room, as though searching it for any danger that might harm her further. Her gaze settled on the pile of homework sitting on her desk, illuminated by the warm, golden light of her desk lamp. The activity she and Casandra had been enjoying before...before...

Riley's knees buckled, her back slowly sliding down the door frame as she collapsed in slow motion to the carpeted floor. Her eyes welled up in hot, painful tears, almost more that her eyes could handle.

Riley cried.

Not with Sadness, but with Fear.

* * *

Joy felt helpless.

She stood, her hands pressed against the invisible barrier; her usually cheerful face contorted into a grimace of horror and grief. No matter how hard she pushed; no matter how hard she struggled, Joy could not get through. She could only watch as Riley's vision blurred and she began to cry, unprompted by Sadness's touch. She could only watch as Fear, likewise, seemed to wilt over the console, his shoulders shaking weakly. Though she couldn't hear through the barrier, she knew he was crying. She longed to race forward and comfort him; help him, but she couldn't. She could only watch.

It hurt.

It physically hurt her to see what was happening. And it hurt all the more that she knew there was nothing she could do about it; nor could the rest of Riley's collective Emotions. They too could only watch. Joy tore her gaze to Disgust, finding the green Emotion right behind her. Her eyes were wide, and her hands ceaselessly clenched and unclenched in front of her chest. Her eyes locked, she had long since given up her efforts of breaking through. All Disgust could do was watch; her stomach twisting inside of her. It made her sick; an illness founded in deep, growing repulsion. She couldn't take her eyes off of Fear. She couldn't. She wanted to help him, to get rid of the dreadful ache in her heart. But there was nothing she could do. Her way was blocked. There was nothing she could do.

To Joy's left, Anger continued to pound and fight against the barrier, just as he had been since the structure had first been erected. The top of his head glowed with a warningly bright mix of light and heat; a testimony to his frustration and temper. But a look in his eyes; a hint of desperation, proved just how scared he truly was. Scared for Riley, scared for them, and scared for Fear. The thin, little guy was in pain, Anger could see it. It filled him with guilt. Fear had asked him for help, and, though Anger had tried his very hardest, it hadn't been enough. He had failed, and now Fear was paying for it. It wasn't fair! It just wasn't fair. He wanted to rush in and pull Fear away from that stupid console; break its hold on him. But he couldn't. There was nothing he could do. Nothing but to keep on trying to break through. Keep on trying to help.

And Sadness, who stood motionless, hands resting, unmoving, against the structure's smooth, impenetrable surface, took in the sight with pained, sorrowful eyes. Her compassion flowing from her very being, she watched, as they all did; wanting nothing than to hold out a hand and help their friend, who stood so close, but was so out of their reach. Trapped and separated by his own choice, whether he realized that or not, they could not get through to him; the barrier blocking their every attempt. It robbed them of hope; paralyzed their function; crippled their purpose. For no matter how hard they fought, and argued, and begged, Fear would not let them in.

Sadness concentrated all her energy into lightly pressing into the barrier. She knew that, if she focused hard enough, the structure would allow her through. She just had to keep waiting. Watching. Believing that at any moment, she would be able to help. The other Emotions weren't sure exactly how she was hoping to accomplish that, but Sadness knew more about how Riley's mind worked than any of them. So they let her be. They continued to watch sadly, hearts aching.

Disgust rubbed her own arms, eyes still wide and worried. "He's...He's crying," she stated softly. She didn't know what else to say. It was so obvious. They could all see perfectly well what Fear was going through. And yet, she felt it needed to be said. Out of love. Out of friendship. Out of respect. And, most of all, out of concern.

Joy trembled beside her, completely captivated by the sorrow within her. "This is all my fault. I never should have come up with the idea of the daydreams." Her voice was somewhat hoarse, and she had begun to curl up slightly, her weakness returning to her once again. Anger had been right. Joy could not survive where there was only fear. She was still there, but sickly and lost. Forgotten. Though, now, they all were. All except Fear. The one being among them who actually _wished_ to be forgotten. "This is all because of my dumb idea."

"I don't think this is about that anymore," Anger spoke up gently; far more gently than they had ever heard him. "Riley still struggles with them, but there seems to be far more than that." He cringed as he witnessed Fear twitch at another jolt of pain. "A lot more." He looked up at Joy, meeting her eyes. "Riley's been carrying far too much inside of her for far too long. It was my idea to let her deal with it alone, without telling anyone. Now I see that we never should have done it that way." His shoulders dropped. "If there's anyone to blame, it's me."

"And me." Disgust lay a hand on his shoulder, eyes shining with tears. She wasn't about to let him take all the slack for an action they had all agreed on. "But maybe it's not to late. Riley can still ask for help. We just have to...to get Fear to get her to ask for it." It seemed an impossible task at the moment. "We need to reach him."

They all agreed, becoming silent again as they watched Sadness close her eyes, furthering her concentration. Riley's mind would let her in. She _would_. Sadness was sure of it. It was just a matter of when. They didn't have much time. Fear needed her. Riley needed her. She was the only one who could do this. After all, fear is so very often followed by sadness.

* * *

Riley sat crying for a long while.

She shivered and shook, feeling oddly cold. Her mind was slowly beginning to fade from panic to a steady, throbbing, numbing fear. After an hour or so, she heard her parents' car pull up the curve, the engine turning off like an omen of doom. Her mom and dad's cheerful voices echoed out along the sidewalk, the sound of the car doors opening and shutting. Their voices instilled in Riley a renewed sense of panic. She wanted to rush downstairs and pretend nothing had happened, greet her parents and just forget about the whole thing. But another part of her was still too afraid and ashamed to show herself. Riley rose to her feet, turning to face the door, hand holding the knob as she struggled with the two possible courses of action. She recoiled when her parents entered the house, shutting the door behind them. Their still cheery voices echoing in the kitchen...where Riley's night had just shattered.

She heard their voices greet Casandra with a bit of surprise, and then the low mumbling of Casandra's own voice. Things became deathly quiet in the Anderson household after that. It was as though a cold chill had swept through every room, darkening the cheer that had resided there before. After a while, Riley heard the front door open and shut, and the sound of their car engine starting up. Hesitantly, Riley stood by the window, just close enough to see, but not close enough to be seen. Mom was driving Casandra home. Riley's eyes turned to the pile of Casandra's homework, glad that they had managed to finish the bulk of their studying before all this had happened. That way they were at least ready for school tomorrow.

Riley's stomach dropped at the thought of leaving home. She wanted to hide. Lock herself away. How could she face anyone ever again?

The sound of shoe-clad footsteps coming slowly up the stairs made her heart race. Jumping back from the window, glancing left and right for a place to hide. Her feet shuffled first one way, and then another, uncertain. But there was no where to go. Resigning to her fate, Riley sat upon her bed, just as there was a small, gentle knock on the outside of her bedroom door.

"Come in." Riley was surprised herself at the steadiness in her voice. It didn't make sense. Inside she was practically hyperventilating.

The door opened with a light creak, allowing Dad's calm, but concerned face to enter, followed by the rest of his body. "Hi there, Monkey."

"Hi."

"Um, I hear you had a little trouble tonight." His tone wasn't angry, only worried. There was no wrath hidden behind it, but a good deal of...sadness? Grief? Almost as if he were hurting. Riley could see it in his dark, brown eyes. She quickly looked away, knowing that it was her fault he felt that way.

"Yeah, I just sort of...lost my cool." Riley shrugged, giving perhaps the most fake laugh she had ever heard. It sounded wrong, coming out of her own mouth.

Dad nodded slowly, looking around the room at the various trophies, toys, and books that crowded the small space. He was trying to appear collected, Riley knew. He was freaking out inside just like she was, and that made her feel even guiltier, and more frightened. Mom and Dad had enough worries of their own. They didn't need this. "Would you like to...talk about it?" He had returned his caring gaze to her, hoping that she would say yes.

* * *

Fear's eyes were moist from crying. The pain in his body had lessened, but every part of him still felt tight and tense. His eyes were glued to the screen, watching as Dad verbally reached out to Riley. To _him._ He wanted to accept. They needed help. Oh, they needed help so badly. But...

What if they thought Riley was crazy? What if they took her to see a doctor? What if they sent her to some sort of asylum? She would never make it there. She couldn't handle something like that, and neither could he. With a trembling hand he moved a lever, and Riley's deceptively strong voice broke out in the silence.

" _I was just feeling a little overwhelmed with school, Dad. I'm alright now. I pushed myself a little too hard. But I'm good. Sorry I broke the plate."_

Fear had to throw that last part in. He felt so bad about it, as did Riley. Dad's face softened, but the concern was still there. It didn't lessen at all. In fact, he looked like he didn't believe a word of her story. But that was alright, Riley hadn't expected him to. But it was a way to make him back away from the subject. Dad was like that. He wasn't always comfortable talking about stuff like this. Emotional stuff. That was more of Mom's department. But Mom wasn't here. If she had been, she would have received the same answer.

" _I'm fine now."_

But she wasn't.

* * *

"He didn't ask for help." Sadness's voice shattered the silence. She was still working on getting through the barrier, but had paused to listen to what was playing out beyond. Though the invisible wall cut of all hearing from the console side of Headquarters, the Emotions were relieved that they could still hear Riley and the world outside of Riley's mind.

Joy nodded slowly in agreement. She was sitting on the floor now, legs tucked beneath her and her body pressed as close to the barrier as possible. Her breathing had steadied, but she was still very weak and pale. Her eyes were still settled on Fear, watching him, studying him. "He's afraid."

"He can't help that," Disgust added almost immediately. It was so unlike her to defend Fear's 'cowardice', that it actually caught the other Emotions attention for a brief moment, before they accepted it. "He can't help being who and what he is." She never would have imagined herself saying that before. But her heart ached so much. For Riley. For Fear. At the moment, her compassion was equal to Sadness's own.

"How much longer until you can get through this stupid thing?" Anger growled softly. His frustration was focused on the barrier itself, rather than Sadness. He knew she was doing her best. It was this dumb wall that was slowing things down.

Sadness sighed, renewing her efforts to reach out to Riley's mind. "At the earliest, sometime tomorrow." She sent a worried glance toward the Headquarter's windows, frowning when she noticed every single one of Riley's personality islands were down. They had not fallen into the Dump, but they were virtually inactive. The only movement within them was an occasional twitch of machinery, as a rogue jolt of purple energy shot through them. Other than that, Riley's mind was abnormally dark and still.

The Emotions felt their hearts sink. Tomorrow? Poor Fear. Poor Riley. The longer they stayed in this condition, the more harm it was causing them all. But there was nothing else they could do. Nothing but sit and hope that Sadness's skill and kind heart would pull through and that they would somehow be able to fix this. Help Riley recover.

But, for now, they could do nothing.


	12. Fear Before Bravery

Riley struggled through the morning after, trying to seem as normal as possible. She went from class to class, pretending that nothing had happened, seeming fresh and new as she tackled each subject with vigor. She even managed to face Casandra. The girl hadn't told a soul about what had happened, and for that Riley was very grateful. But even then, their conversation had been halting and awkward. Riley had shrugged, apologizing for losing her cool, blaming it on the fact that she had been overwhelmed, which wasn't a complete untruth. Casandra hadn't seemed afraid of her, just deeply concerned, and so Riley tried even harder to appear as normal as she could.

But on the inside she was a mess. It was a feeling she wasn't used to, a sort of lack of any true feeling. Every emotion that she felt throughout the day seemed forced and fake to her, whether it be joy, anger, disgust, or sadness. The only thing she could really feel was fear. She was terrified of being found out. For people to look at her and realize what a nutcase she was. She was afraid of what they might say, or what they might do. She used the school computer to look up symptoms of various mental illnesses, many of which only fueled her fear. They were all so...so horrible. She was so horrible. How could she have acted the way she had? Her only answer that came to her was that she had been holding it in for far too long. But that was hardly an excuse. It only made her push and hide her terror deeper within her, making the ache worse; pasting a fake smile on her face that, whenever she caught sight of herself, felt more like a painful grimace.

All throughout the day, whenever she let her mind wander, images from the night before flashed in her mind's eye. She kept seeing the terror on Casandra's face, and the odd, red haze that had clouded her vision. It made her feel cold every time, almost numb. Her stomach would clench and her heart would physically ache. But, somehow, she managed to hide it. She had gotten pretty good at it over the last two years, and now she was practically a master at it. But, every once in a while, Riley would excuse herself and go into the school bathroom. She would lock herself in a stall and just let it all out. The trembling would start, and her breathing would become haggard. Tears of terror, not sadness, would course down her cheeks, making her eyes red and puffy. But even then she was able to hide her troubles by washing her face. If someone mentioned that her eyes seemed a little red, Riley blamed it on allergies, and people believed her.

She was a fake. While outside she appeared to be fully recovered, on the inside the fear festered and grew, choking out all hope and blocking out everything else.

* * *

Sadness concentrated.

By now she was exhausted, but that meant little to her. She was close. She could feel it. She was _so_ close to being able to make it through the barrier. Her heart ached, having been forced to stand by and watch as Riley and Fear struggled through one emotional battle after another. How could they do it? How could Riley and Fear survive this for so long? It was like torture, only there was no reprieve; no chance to take a breath before plunging back into the terror. Riley was a strong girl. She had to be, in order to make it as far as she had. But she was still young, a little girl, compared to most. Little girls weren't supposed to go through stuff like this.

Or were they?

Sadness wasn't sure, but she was pretty convinced that, as horrible or sad as a situation could be, there must be at least _someone_ out there who had experienced the same thing. Riley couldn't be the only one. But she felt like she was. And so did Fear. He still stood, weakly gripping the controls. He must be exhausted. How could he not be? It was tiring to be an Emotion. At the end of each day, it felt good to turn in. The work entailed in keeping Riley happy, sad, fair, presentable, and safe was extensive, and all the Emotions always appreciated the break they got while Riley slept. But this was different. Fear had been at the controls, nonstop, all night and day, going on into the second night. If this kept up, Riley really _would_ snap.

Riley was home now, having walked from school like she usually did. She had gone right up to her room, knowing that her parents would be home from work shortly. She couldn't face them. She just couldn't. Fear prompted her to sit down on her bed. She did so, ending up staring into the far wall of her room, shivering. She was a wreck, and she knew it. She wanted to make all these things go away; she just wanted to forget and move on. But she couldn't. Fear wouldn't let her.

That was when the barrier weakened.

It was the slightest bit of a change, but Sadness felt it. She gasped as her hand suddenly went through, like a ghost through a solid wall. "I'm through!" she breathed, hardly believing it. After so long, she had finally made it in.

"Good!" Anger leaped to his feet, charging forward, but Sadness gently caught his arm.

"You can't go through."

Anger's face registered confusion and frustration. "What? Why not?!" His gaze settled back on Fear, his hope of reaching his friend being shattered once more. The hope he had felt was gone, smothered by Sadness's large, apologetic eyes.

"I'm sorry, Anger," the blue Emotion whimpered, adjusting her glasses and staring at the floor. "The barrier will only let me in right now. You'll...You'll have to stay here." She winced, expecting his reaction to be rather violent. But instead, he seemed to calm, looking almost defeated. But an understanding shone in his eyes, and, though he reached out to touch the barrier, feeling that it was still there, he made no attempt to argue with Sadness.

Joy, with Disgust's help, had risen to her feet. She was still incredibly weak, and it made Sadness's heart ache. What was happening to the star-like Emotion, Sadness didn't completely understand, but she knew it had something to do with the ranking in Headquarters. A sort of 'chain of command'. Riley's main Emotion was Joy, but there were circumstances when that fact could be overridden. When another Emotion could cancel her out. It was that way for all of them. Joy could cancel out Sadness, Anger could cancel out Fear, Disgust could cancel out just about any of them. But Joy, well, she was different. While they all found themselves canceling her out from time to time, she always returned full force on the rebound. Mostly because she was the leader. She was in control, and they _wanted_ her in control. They wanted Riley to be happy and full of life. They would do their job, canceling her out, but then jump aside, waiting for her to take the controls again.

But that was why this situation was so bad. That was why Joy was so ill. She was never meant to be canceled out _completely_. And never for so long. Joy didn't seem to be getting any worse, but she certainly wasn't getting any better.

"Go to him," Joy said softly, giving Sadness a pleading smile. "Somehow, you have got to get him to ask for help. He needs to. Riley needs to." She gazed longingly toward the console, hating that she couldn't be the one to do the job herself. She had always been very independent. She had always been one to spring into action. But now...Now she could barely even stand.

Sadness nodded, looking at each of her friends in turn, before she carefully stepped through the barrier. It sort of rang in her ears, feeling like gentle static against her particles. It made her shiver, but she didn't pay it much mind, eyes fixed on only Fear. The moment she was through, she noticed the drastic change in temperature. Headquarters had always been a warm place, always comfortable, except whenever Riley suffered a fever. It was always just right, not to hot and not to cold. Body temperature. But here, now, on the console side of the barrier, the air was frigid. It was freezing, creating a thin sheen of ice on the floor, so discreet they had not been able to see it from their side. Sadness slid slowly over the crystals, trying to determine what this meant. What she came up with wasn't pretty.

Riley was beginning a process that could only end in disaster. She had locked all her Emotions out but Fear. She had locked all her worries and troubles inside her. She was slowing freezing up inside, uncertain of what to do. Where to turn. If things didn't change, she would be frozen with fear. Sadness wasn't sure exactly what that would result in, but she had a bad feeling that it would be even worse than what had happened in the kitchen the night before. Much worse.

She shivered again, making her way toward her friend.

Fear himself had long since given up hope. He stood there, shaking, in both his namesake and pain. The agony had lessened, but it still dug and pulled and needled, dully, and he wasn't sure if it was the force that was dissipating, or him. All day he had barely done a thing, leaving Riley on autopilot for most of the school day. He really wasn't imputing anything into the console, and yet he clung to it as though letting go would mean his death. He couldn't understand it. Why was he doing this? He didn't know. Why was he so adamant about standing there, doing this to Riley, when he himself hated the whole thing? His very nature was pushing him to do it, and yet, with all his heart, he wanted to stop. It was like he didn't have control over it. Just as it was his responsibility to keep Riley safe, to be a coward, to be a nervous wreck, for some reason it was also his responsibility to do this. But why?! He just didn't understand.

"Fear...?"

Fear didn't startle. He didn't jump or scream. He didn't even blink. He kept his eyes fixed ahead of him, fixed on the same wall Riley was. His breathing was ragged, and his knees shook, ready to collapse. But he _had_ heard her. "Hey Sadness..."

Sadness blinked, taken aback by his behavior. She sent an uneasy glance toward the invisible barrier, where Joy, Disgust, and Anger watched anxiously, hands pressed against the strange force, wishing they could get through to help. Hesitantly, Sadness turned back to her friend, taking in a steadying breath as she did. This was not going to be easy, for Fear especially. But she figured that the best way to approach the situation was in the way that she was most familiar. She moved so she was standing directly beside him, following his gaze to the wall through Riley's vision. She made no move to touch the console. She made no attempt to touch Fear. She only stood there in silence. A calm, reassuring silence. Then, in a voice filled with compassion, she slowly initiated the conversation.

"Tell me what you're feeling, Fear?"

The purple Emotion beside her let out a gasping chuckle, that sounded anything but amused. It sounded pained; hollow. Terrified. "I don't know," he whispered tonelessly. A shiver ran through him as the force in the console did its work. As Riley sat, flinching when he flinched. Aching when he ached. "I feel so...so empty. And cold." Sadness took note that his stutter that he had always had was all but gone. He was speaking weakly. From his heart. "Everything's been so hard. Everything's been so...horrible." His eyes closed, but he still stood perfectly motionless, like a stature. "There's no hope left, Sadness. There's nothing left. Nobody likes us. We're insane. They're going to find out. They're going to put us away in some asylum somewhere..." His breath hitched suddenly, and the tone of his voice became higher; louder. "What's the point of all this? Please, Sadness. P _lease_ , _tell me!_ Why is this happening?! _WHY?! I can't even protect her from myself!"_ He was nearly hysterical now, griping the console so hard Sadness thought she heard something give, whether it was in the console itself or in Fear she didn't know. _"I can't even stop this! What kind of protector am I! I'm weak! I'm...I'm..."_ He fell silent abruptly, licking his dry lips. His chest hurt. It was hard to breath right. A great weight lay upon him. His next words were more from Riley's very soul than himself. "Who are we? What is our purpose, Sadness? No, what's Riley's purpose? This life feels so empty. We spend our whole life trying to keep from getting killed, knowing that we're going to die eventually. It's a losing battle. It's a lost cause. For me most of all. I'm supposed to keep Riley safe. _Alive_. But someday she will die. Sadness...someday I _will_ fail in my purpose. She _will_ die. I...I-I don't think I could take it."

Sadness watched silently, patiently, waiting for him to say all he had to. Her heart ached for him. Wishing with all her being that they could have spared him all this.

Fear let out a shuddering breath, slumping forward slightly. "This needs to stop, Sadness...We need to stop it soon. Riley's destroying herself... _I'm killing her._ "

The last whispered words of his sentence hung in the air, as if suspended by the frigidness that resided there. Sadness let a beat go by, and then another. She processed his words, weighing them in her mind. She opened her mouth to speak, believing her friend to be finished. But he wasn't. He still had one more word squeezing from his agonized soul.

" _Help_."

Sadness reached out a hand, wrapping her fingers around the frame of his thin, left arm. He finally looked at her, and the anguish in his eyes nearly took her breath away. She mustered up the saddest of little smiles. "Fear...Realizing that we need help is half the battle. Riley would never go to the doctor if she didn't know she was sick. In the same way, she won't ask for help, until she realizes she needs it." She watched as Fear's large eyes blinked slowly, searching hers for comfort. He was trying to grasp what she meant. Sadness continued. "Riley feels alone...But she isn't. Mom and Dad are there for us. We can't lock everything inside of us." She was speaking as much about Riley as she was Fear himself. "Riley _needs_ help. She has to ask for it...before it's too late."

Fear shook his head feverishly. "Sadness...I-I can't. They'll lock us away...They'll-"

"Do you really believe that?"

Fear cringed. Of course he did't. But it was a _fear_. And, to him, a fear was just as real as any other danger. Perhaps it was even more so, since it took place in the mind; such a delicate place. "I-I...don't know..." He turned to the console again, were his fingers still lay sprawled. "Y-You do it, Sadness...Please." His tone indicated that he already knew how she would answer.

Sadness shook her head sadly. "I can't. The console only listens to you right now."

 _Right._ Fear let out another one of those odd chuckles, breathless and stiff. "I'm a coward, remember? There's no way I can even begin to do that...Sadness, I'm Fear. _Fear_. Fear can't be brave. He can only be...afraid..."

Sadness cocked her head, her eyes reflecting her contemplation. "That's odd."

"W-what is?"

"What you said, about bravery." She looked into his eyes, which he seemed very intent on averting. "I always thought that it was you who generated bravery in Riley."

" _What?!"_ Fear almost flinched at his own scoffing disbelief. "Are you _serious_?! Sadness, there isn't a brave particle in my body!" He was reaching its limit. He was being torn by all that had been happening. He was almost ready to give up; give in to his terror and pain. The only thing keeping him grounded now was Sadness. "Fear and 'bravery' don't go together!"

Sadness nodded, un-offended by his words. She knew he just didn't understand. He was lost. Frightened. "Fear, according to manuals, you _are_ the one who makes Riley feel brave. Bravery isn't a lack of fear, it's doing something _despite_ that fear. Like the time Riley had to cross that busy road to catch the neighbor's dog."

Fear shook his head, his eyes closed again. "That wasn't bravery."

"I think it was. You were so afraid of that road. Riley was always afraid of crossing, and getting hit by a car. She stayed clear of it for years. But then, when she realized the dog was going to get hit, she went out and brought him to safety."

"But that was...Joy?" Fear couldn't quite remember that part. It had been fuzzy in his mind afterward. He had always assumed it was one of the others who had pulled it off. "Y-You mean that was...that was me?" He felt nauseous and elated all at once. Proud and horrified at the same time.

Sadness nodded. "And then there was the time when Riley first learned to swim. She was so scared of drowning, remember? But you edged her in, despite your fear." She smiled, squeezing his arm gently. "You can't have bravery...without fear."

Fear blinked, turning his gaze back to the screen. Riley was still sitting on her bed, shivering and shuddering; stuck in her own world of fear and despair. Fear's eyes widened, finally realizing the truth in Sadness's words. Slowly, haltingly, he shifted his fingers about the console.

* * *

Riley blinked, finally breaking the staring contest she had been holding with the wall. For the first time in weeks her head felt clear, and she looked about her like a person just awakened from a deep sleep. She thought over the past two years, remembering all she had gone through, only this time with a strange calmness and understanding. That rough, partially terrified urge to keep everything hidden inside of her finally melted. She knew she needed help. She needed-

"Riley? Honey, are you in there?"

Riley jumped slightly as her mother poked her head inside the door of her bedroom, looking distinctly concerned.

"Is everything alright, Riley?" Mom came in further, her soft compassionate eyes seeming very familiar, as though they reflected a sadness deep within Riley herself. There was a long, unnatural pause between the mother and her daughter. A long, frightening pause, filled with indecision and tense electricity. And then, like a healing spell, Riley delivered four beautiful words that seemed to fix everything at once.

"Mom...can we talk?"

* * *

 **Here we are! Another chapter! YAY!**


	13. Light at the Edge of the Darkness

Sometimes all you really need is someone to listen. Sometimes it's a close friend, or a teacher; or even a stranger. And then, sometimes, it's someone even closer. They just sit there, listening as you pour out your heart to them. Patience emanates from them, and everything that you have kept bottled up all at once comes tumbling out in a round of heartfelt words and tears. You cry and blubber, and they simply hold you tight and sooth you; giving you exactly what you needed most. And once all your tears have been shed, and all that is left is gently sniffling, that person does all they can to help and bring you back up from the fear, and hurt, into which you have been ensnared for so long.

For Riley, that person was her mother.

Mrs. Anderson had entered into Riley's room as soon as the invitation had left her daughter's mouth, gripping the chance as if it would be the last she would ever have. She had sat on the edge of the bed, careful and kind, listening as Riley haltingly told her of everything she had been struggling with. Riley told of her fears, of her nightmares, and of her daydreams. She told of her thoughts of anger, directed at herself, and the disgust and sadness that always followed. She told of how she felt hopeless and lost, stuck in her depression and fear with no hope of escape. And all the while, all Mom did was listen. And it was more than enough.

Mothers are truly amazing. Their love is limitless, and their compassion inexpressible. They have such hearts as should be given any saint. How they manage to navigate life with such grace, guiding their children through peace and war, is not easily understood, and certainly under-appreciated. They're heroes; warriors that children need, whether they think so or not. They may not realize it until the time is too late, and the grip of time takes them away forever. But a mother has more bravery than anyone. More love than anyone. More understanding. And Riley loved hers dearly for it.

Riley wiped a sleeve across her eyes, sniffling, not meeting her mother's gaze as she finished. "I-I've been so confused lately...I keep wanting to daydream, but I also don't, because once I do...I can't stop."

Mom nodded slowly, her mind trying to understand. It wasn't easy, since Riley seemed to think in pictures, while she tended to just...think. In fact, she had never even heard of anyone ever thinking in any other way than the norm. She was worried, as any mother would be, not only over how distressed Riley seemed about the whole thing, but also in that it had driven her to the episode the night before. There could be countless reasons. Riley had grown more emotional, which wasn't unusual for a girl her age. But she had also grown increasingly quiet, and now she knew why. It wasn't healthy to hold all that inside. Mrs. Anderson sighed in relief that Riley had finally decided to talk to her.

"Mom...am I going crazy?"

Mrs. Anderson blinked, her face an odd mix of nervousness and a smile, as though she wasn't sure whether Riley was joking or not. "Do you...think you are?"

Riley's gaze fell to her hands, folded tightly in her lap. She had hoped to get a definite answer. A 'no, of course not', or a 'this happens to everyone'. But her mom's response was more around the lines of a 'maybe', even if Mom didn't mean it that way. Riley hugged herself, her muscles aching with anxiety. "I...I-I don't know...Sometimes I think so...and then other times I'm not so sure. But I haven't slept well in a long time over it."

Her mother raised an eyebrow. "Nightmares?"

"No. Not any more. I just...don't dream at all. It's like all the daydreaming I do drains away any my brain does at night. I wake up just as tired as when I went to sleep."

Mrs. Anderson gave a soft sigh. She was certain Riley wasn't going 'crazy'. She could remember having periods like that in her young life, when she had said so jokingly, or out of frustration. But Riley was being completely serious. Her face was a careful mask of guarded fear, with a hint of sadness. A sadness that resided in her mother's own heart and mind. Riley meant it, and that scared Mrs. Anderson slightly. She could see Riley needed help; that Riley was _asking_ for help. But she felt it was something a little out of her league to address. She couldn't understand what was wrong, at least not fully, and she couldn't truly help if she didn't get what was happening with her daughter. But if she couldn't do that, and Riley didn't feel like she could handle it any more alone, then that only left one other choice.

"Riley, Sweetie...I think I should call a doctor. Or someone who might understand what's happening a little better than I do."

* * *

Joy, Anger, and Disgust watched from behind the barrier. They had calmed slightly, now that Fear wasn't alone, but it still frustrated them that they couldn't hear what either Emotion was saying. The barrier still blocked out all sound from the console side of the structure. At least they could still hear Riley and Mom, otherwise the suspense would have been more than they could bare.

They had watched in anxiety as Sadness had carefully coaxed Fear into making Riley ask for help. They weren't sure how she had done it, but it lifted a huge burden from their shoulders. They, each of them, had been blaming themselves in their own ways for what had been happening, both to Riley and Fear. Joy, perhaps, most of all. As Riley's main Emotion she felt it was her job to keep her coworkers safe. Keep them happy. Which wasn't easy when they were all, as a rule, very negative Emotions. And yet, despite their differences, they all functioned as one. As Riley.

When Fear had had to suffer _alone_ , it had killed them on the inside. It went against anything they had ever believed in. Against anything they had ever expected from the complicated world of Riley's mind. Not everything in Headquarters was under their control. The barrier, for instance, had not been known to exist by most of them until now. And they were fairly certain that Fear hadn't known either. In fact, he didn't seem to realize it even now. He hadn't turned in their direction since the barrier had first appeared. He was too focused on what was happening in front of him.

Sadness was with him now, and that was helping immensely. Even from their viewpoint, the Emotions could see that Fear had calmed considerably. He still shook and shivered, and he still clutched the console with a strength born of desperation, but the long, single hair on his head had relaxed, going from ramrod straight to gently curling behind him, more in concentration now than terror. His breathing had slowed somewhat, though by the spontaneous rising and falling of his shoulders they could tell it was uneven. Sadness had a hand on his arm, mouth moving in what they were sure was a comforting string of encouragement. She seemed a little more tense than usual herself, but that was understandable. Fear's panic was very often contagious.

"She's do'n good," Anger commented softly, nodding his head to the blue Emotion, almost in a respectful way.

Joy felt some of her own strength return. Not a lot, but at least she had enough energy to give a real, genuine smile. "Yeah, she is. She'll get Fear calmed down, and then maybe this barrier will disappear. Then things can go back to normal."

Disgust sent her an uncertain look, opening her mouth to speak, but then closing it before their friend could notice. She didn't want to rob Joy of her moment of hope, but Disgust felt that Riley and Fear still had a long way to go before things became 'normal' again. After two years of holding it all in, healing was sure to be a process better taken at a steady pace. Disgust caught Anger's gaze, and realized he was thinking the same thing, but had also decided to stay silent. And so, with nothing else to do, they continued watching, and listening to Riley and Mom's voice coming from the outside world.

 _"Mom...am I going crazy?"_

They flinched at that. Where had that come from? That sounded like a concern...A worry...A _fear_...Oh, Fear. Their purple friend had always shared Riley's fears. He _was_ Riley's fears. They were scared of the same things, worried about the same problems, and always panicked over the same situations. In order for Riley to be asking this sort of question, Fear would have had to be afraid of the same thing. He was _asking_ the same thing. Their eyes settled on their friend once more. He looked a little more agitated since Riley had spoken, prompting Sadness to move closer, soothing him. She still couldn't help, hand hovering over the console but useless to drive it. It still only registered Fear's touch.

 _"Do you...think you are?"_

There! The console lit up with just a hint of blue, mixing with the purple hue to create a deep midnight color. It darkened the inside of Headquarters, almost as dark as when Riley was asleep. Joy mentally tried to calculate what emotion that made, when one mixed Sadness and Fear.

Maybe a form of disappointment.

Fear shivered more noticeably, leaning over the console, in a way that looked like he was struggling to get Riley to say the next sentence. When it came, it was more like hearing them from Fear himself than Riley.

 _"I...I-I don't know...Sometimes I think so...and then other times I'm not so sure. But I haven't slept well in a long time over it."_

 _"Nightmares?"_

 _"No. Not any more. I just...don't dream at all. It's like all the daydreaming I do drains away any my brain does at night. I wake up just as tired as when I went to sleep."_

So did Fear. He looked like he hadn't slept in...well, years. The only reason he was still alive at this point, after so long of depriving himself of rest, were the little lapses in consciousness he called naps. The ones he always took on the couch, whenever they finally managed to ease him away from the controls. Only they had not been able to do that for at least four days. That _had_ to be unhealthy, and it seemed to be effecting Riley as well.

Riley's Mom didn't answer at first, and Joy, Anger, and Disgust leaned forward in anticipation of what her silence deciphered as uncertainty.

 _"Riley, Sweetie...I think I should call a doctor. Or someone who might understand what's happening a little better than I do."_

The reaction was immediate.

The midnight hue of Headquarters turned a violent purple, changing so quickly that it left the Emotions blinking in the sudden light. Fear slammed full weight into the console again, despite Sadness's frantic efforts to calm him. The deep, loud pounding of Riley's heart thundered beneath their feet, a tribute to just how much the beats had escalated in such a short time.

"Oh no! That's done it!" Anger moaned, not knowing exactly why Mom's words were having this effect on their friend, but knowing it wasn't good. He banged his fists against the barrier again, finding it just as useless as before. "I...I _hate_ this thing!" It made him helpless. It made him mad.

"Sadness will help," Disgust said quickly, wringing her hands in front of her dress anxiously. "She can help him."

At least, she hoped so.

* * *

"Fear! Fear, it's alright!" Sadness tried, refusing to let go of her friend's arm even as he tried to pull away. She could feel the tenseness in his body; the pure, coursing terror pumping through every fiber of his being. It was frightening, the electrical energy that seemed to come from him, the way he was simply filled with a level of panic that could only be obtained by Fear himself.

"Did you hear what she said?!" Fear shrieked, pointing one, shaky hand up at the screen; the first time he had broken even partial contact with the console since this whole mess had started. "Did you hear what she said?!"

"Shhh," Sadness shushed soothingly, struggling to get him focused on her rather than screen. "It's alright, it's alright...Mom's just trying to help."

Fear shook his head, eyes wild and shining. "Not like this!" he wailed. "Not like this! They'll lock us away! They'll think we've gone insane! They'll think we're nuts!" He flinched suddenly, his body feeling as though it were going to snap with all the tension. "Sadness, I can't let this happen! Riley has to stop this!" He shot out his hands to grab the largest lever on the console, one that would undo everything that Sadness had worked so hard to accomplish.

But he never reached it.

With a jolt, something grabbed a hold of his wrists, hauling them away from their destination, as well as him away from the console. For a moment, he was confused, and, in all honesty, a little dizzy. But then his eyes focused on the hands that gripped his arms, and he couldn't hide his surprise. "Sadness...?"

For it indeed was Sadness. She had tears in her eyes, and was trembling with grief, but that grief had empowered in her something she had never felt. Desperation. "Fear, you need this; you need help!" she insisted wetly, her glasses askew on her face. " _Riley_ needs help! Please, Fear...be brave, if only for just this once. Please. Everything will be alright." Her voice had gotten gentler and calmer as she continued. "Fear...for me; for _Riley_...trust them."

Fear didn't know what to think. He wanted to rip his wrists out of Sadness's hands, but to do so would rip his last chance of hope. And Riley's as well. He knew Sadness was right. Deep down he understood that Riley _did_ need this. He just had to push down his terror, and press through. Like Sadness had told him, he needed to be brave. It never came naturally. He had to work up to it. He thought of Riley, and how it was his job to keep her safe. Which only filled him with guilt. He had failed Riley so badly. So very badly. He had made things worse with each passing day. And he regretted more with every passing moment. He wanted to help. He wanted to fix what he had done. Help was what Riley needed. And someone needed to get it for her. If he was the only one who could, then so be it! He was going to get Riley the help she needed. The help she deserved!

"I trust you, Sadness," he whispered, but it was a strong whisper, not one coated in terror. He really did. He might not trust the people outside of Riley's mind, but he _did_ trust Sadness. And he was ready to do this. As Sadness carefully let him go, Fear moved back to the console. With a deft flick, he moved a smaller switch than the one he had reached for before. One that prompted Riley to agree with her mother's words rather than fight them.

* * *

Riley wasn't sure she liked the idea of going to see a 'doctor'. She had a feeling this wasn't the type that gave you checkups. Maybe not a psychologist, but pretty darn near close. And though that made her uncomfortable, she _had_ agreed. She had agreed to give this a try. What could it hurt? Mom had seemed relieved, and, though she was still nervous, Riley had too. Just knowing that she was finally facing all her problems was comforting, even if she had no idea how it was supposed to help her. Doing something had to be better than doing nothing...Right?

And so here she was, a week after she had spoken with her mom. Riding in the car, in the front seat next to her mother, on their way to meet with "a councilor and his wife". The first thing Riley had thought of was the camp councilor from so long ago, who had told that story that had so shaken her heart that she was still recovering. Not that Riley blamed the girl. Who would have thought one little tale could cause so much trouble?

Riley was very nervous. She kept having bouts of fear; worries of what would happen racing through her mind, with alternations of stubborn steadfastness. She _wanted_ to do this. She _would_ do this. She _had_ to. And yet...Oh, and yet she was so uneasy about it! Mom had said these were a couple of 'Christian" councilors, which Riley supposed made sense, seeing it was a _Christian_ _camp_ that had started this whole thing. Maybe they, more than anyone else, might understand what was happening to her. But it also made a few more fears creep into her mind. She wondered if, somehow, they would be able to read her mind, or something equally frightening. She remembered the many images she had imagined, of character after character suffering for her sake, so that she could feel better. She hoped that the councilor would not be able to peer into her mind and see them. How would she ever explain that? She knew she couldn't. No one would understand. Deep down she knew it was a silly thing to think, but fears of any kind are frightening. Silly or no.

Riley took a deep breath as Mom pulled the car into a newly paved driveway. Beside it was a small home, painted white and shaded by fir trees. It looked nonthreatening enough, quite homey in fact, in its own little patch of land on the fringes of the city, where pavement gave way to trees and forests. As Riley took in the normal looking mailbox by the roadside, she realized that it _was_ their home. The couple did their work within their own house. While that wasn't nearly as frightening as what she had been imagining, it was still frightening.

They got out of car, and Riley trailed behind her mother as they made their way to the door. Mrs. Anderson knocked, and a moment later, the door opened, revealing an older woman. She wasn't terribly old, but not young; still very pretty. She gave them a pleasant smile that instantly made Riley like her.

"Well, hello. You must be Mrs. Anderson, and young Riley."

Riley's mom gave a smile in return. "That's us. You must be Mrs. Dalton. Are we too early?"

"No not at all! Come on in." Mrs. Dalton opened the door a little wider, allowing them entrance inside.

Riley liked the feeling of the room into which they walked. It was comfortable, like a living room. It was semi-lit, with only a few lamps. It gave it a fire-like glow, gentle and calming. Mrs. Dalton gestured to a couch on one side of the small room, while she took a seat on the one opposite it. Above it hung a beautifully unusual picture. It was of a man, with a halo behind his head. Riley knew it was supposed to be Jesus Christ; she had seen many such paintings. But this one was different, if only in the eyes. They seemed to stare right out at her. Piercing right into her soul. She tried not to look at it, feeling uncomfortable. Riley exchanged glances with her mother, before settling into her place on the couch. It was thick and soft, the kind you sink right into. No sooner had she done so that another person, an older man, came into the room. He smiled, but was a good deal more serious and business-like than the woman.

"Hello, I'll be right with you..."

He disappeared into an adjoining room, shuffling some things around before returning and sitting beside Mrs. Dalton. "Now," he said, settling in. "I am Nelson, I believe you have already met my wife, Carol. Before we start, Mrs. Anderson, I must ask you to refrain from answering any questions that we ask of Riley. Let her speak for herself."

Riley's mother felt slightly uncomfortable with that notion, but nodded in agreement.

Riley herself suddenly felt very uneasy. She was used to her mom speaking for her in different situations in which she was unfamiliar. Now that that was being taken from her, her anxiety returned full force.

"Now, Riley," Nelson Dalton began, "Tell us a little bit about yourself."

Riley blinked, having not expected that kind of start to, what she had considered, an interrogation. "...Well, uh...My name is Riley Anderson...I-I've lived in San Francisco for a while now. I like to draw, and I go to school in the city. I moved from Minnesota, and I play hockey." She guessed that was enough. She didn't want to bore them.

Nelson nodded, jotting down a few notes. "So, tell us why you've come to see us, Riley."

Riley looked to her mother, feeling flushed in the cheeks as she realized she and she alone would have to explain her troubles to these strangers. "W-Well I...I've been having these daydreams..." It seemed a good place to start. It was the most prominent problem at the moment. "But they're more real than most. Whenever I'm scared I can slip into them, whenever I want really now. But the problem is..." Here was the hard part. The part that she was afraid would convince them that she was crazy. "...The problem is I sometimes get stuck in them. I-I can't tell real from unreal anymore. It happens all the time; in the car, in bed, in the shower; everywhere!" She realized her voice had gotten shaky, and a few tears threatened to fall.

Carol Dalton's face softened. "How long has this been happening?"

Riley blushed, somehow ashamed. She hadn't even told her mother that. "Two years."

Mr. Dalton frowned. "Two years?"

"Two years."

Nelson Dalton gave a hum of thought, looking at Riley thoughtfully. "And when you daydream, what exactly do you think about?"

Riley felt her anxiety grow. She didn't really want to say. Her fantasy about the man being able to read her mind resurfaced, bringing with it a new wave of fear. But she had to say something; her mom, Mr. Dalton, and Mrs. Dalton were all watching her. She couldn't clam up now. She just couldn't. "I-I think of other places." That was true. Maybe not the whole truth, but enough. "Where I have adventures. Where it's safe from...from everything I'm afraid of." Now that was true. Every word of it.

There was a long silence. It became uncomfortable. Riley's eyes were locked on her folded hands in her lap, unwilling to look up. Things were hard enough as it was without embarrassing herself by crying like a baby. She had been strong this far. Why couldn't she hold it together over something so trivial? Though, it really wasn't so trivial, was it? This thing had haunted her for _two years_. Two years was a long time, and proved it wasn't just some odd, little faze. This was serious. She knew it was.

Nelson's voice broke into her thoughts, soft and gentle, but otherwise neutral. "So I take it you've been struggling with being afraid of a lot of things. Is that right?"

Riley nodded shamefully. Somehow she felt as though this was all her fault. She felt like maybe, if she had tried harder, she might have been able to defeat this by herself. She was being a bother. These people, though it might be their occupation, didn't need her problems. Her parents didn't need them either. They were all going to hate her; think she was weak. She was hopeless, and she believed no one would be able to help her. This was just a waste of time.

Mr. Dalton leaned forward, recapturing her attention as he quickly scribbled down something on a piece of paper. He smiled kindly as he handed it to Riley, his seat squeaking as he shifted his weight to reach her. "Now, when you go home, I want you to look this up. It will help us when you come back for our next meeting."

Riley took the paper, gazing down at the small series of words and numbers. It took her a moment to realize it was a Bible verse, and she only recognized it by the way it was written. The name followed by a few numbers. She mentally sighed. This wasn't going to work. How in the world was a few passages from an old book, written years and years ago by a bunch of old men, supposed to fix what had been happening to her? It seemed ridiculous, and she actually had to refrain from rolling her eyes. But, still, she was dreadfully scared of not trying anything. What could it hurt to give this a go? She couldn't go back to the way things were. She'd really lose it then. Numbly, Riley nodded.

Mr. Dalton seemed pleased. He pulled a little booklet out of his pocket and handed it to her as well. "As for this, would you mind reading that to me right now? It's not very long."

Riley felt her nerves twitch. She hated reading out loud. But this man was trying his best to help her. The least she could do was meet him halfway. She nodded, settling into her seat more solidly, before reading the poem-like words before her.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name's sake."

Riley could feel herself beginning to feel confused. She didn't understand a word of this stuff. What in the world did it mean by a 'shepherd'? Or lying down beside 'quiet waters'? It seemed like a bit of nonsense, like those poems she had had to read in school. Ones that sounded beautiful, but she couldn't for the life of her understand. She didn't feel like she was on any sort of a path, at least, not like this was talking about. The words described a place were the traveler was certain. Safe. Riley felt like she was wandering all over, sometimes trapped in her fears and worries. There was no safety on her path, and, for the briefest of moments, she longed to know what it was like to walk the path that this poem spoke of. She let the words flow from her lips without much thought, wanting only to finish so she could be done. Then maybe they could go home. But the next stanza made her freeze, and the words all at once consumed her.

"Even though I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me."

Her breath caught in her throat. _This_ she could relate to. This 'darkest valley' that she herself had walked so many times alone. It perfectly described the way she always felt hemmed in by her terror. It truly was like an evil that stalked her, both day and night. That darkness that always seemed to eat away at her soul, and that she couldn't escape. These words on that little booklet were able to express in understandable English what Riley had failed to be able to explain. It was freeing. It was as if the person who had written it had done so specifically for her. Only she did not have the comfort it spoke of. She _did_ fear the evil. She feared it more than anything. Now fully captivated, Riley continued.

"You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever."

She didn't really understand that last stanza, but she didn't really care as of the moment. Her eyes kept coming to rest on the second stanza, reading about that terrible darkness over and over until the words felt burned into her memory. Her mind still felt confused, but it was of a different sort. It was like a feeling of being lost in a dark forest, but being able to see the light-filled edge in the distance. Maybe she had underestimated the Daltons. If one little poem could effect her like this, then maybe they really did know how to help her.

"I want you to bring that home with you too," Nelson was saying. "When you come back, we'll talk more."

They all stood to their feet, Riley guessing that their session had come to a close. It felt like they had just got there. She said goodbye politely before walking to the car. She was quiet most of the ride home, speaking only when her mother's constant rambling required some sort of acknowledgement. Her mind, however, was replaying the meeting over and over, making it a constant clip in her brain. Each word was precious. Important. Though she couldn't really tell why. But, somehow, she felt like she could breath better. As though some of that terrible darkness had gotten beaten back...by something stronger than her. Something stronger than the darkness.

The whole ride she held the little booklet they had given her close to her heart, as though soaking in its very meaning through her chest right into her soul. She might not understand all that it said, but she wanted to. She wanted to so badly. She wanted that comfort. That safety. She wanted to be protected from the darkness, she was tired of fighting alone.

* * *

In Headquarters, Fear let up on the controls a bit, his face filled with awe and confusion, his tension slowly diminishing.

* * *

 **There we go, another chapter! And a LONG one at that!**

 **I have written these events as closely as I can recall. It's been many years, so it certainly isn't perfect, but I'm doing my best. Of course, I changed the name of Mr. and Mrs. 'Dalton' to protect them. Though, I am quite sad to report that "Nelson Dalton" died not that long ago. I regret that I was unable to tell him how much what he did helped me. That what he did God used to save my life. Maybe someday, I will be able to tell him. :)**


	14. Giants to Face

**Hi! :) This is in answer to a question on my reviews that I really wanted to answer, but didn't know how to contact the person. :) So, if it's alright, I'll answer it here.**

 **The question was: "...is Riley suffering/sick from something? Or if not, then what's she suffering from, an anxiety disorder or something like that? Cause I'm confused as to why the doctor didn't say anything about an illness or possibly taking some medication."**

 **First, I just want to say that this does _not_ offend me in the slightest, so thank you for asking. :)**

 **Riley is suffering not from a sickness, exactly. She's suffering from something emotional. Sometimes something can happen to us that makes us emotionally sick, or, I guess you could call it, sick in your soul. A doctor can't fix it, because there is literally nothing that can cure it. Except God. I think everyone suffers it at some point in their life; they might be suffering from depression, or fear, or anger issues. These are all things that doctors _can_ give you medication for, but all it does is sort of cover it up. It doesn't heal. The only cure for emotional sickness, is God.**

 **Sorry, alright, that's all I got. But I know that might not make 100% sense, but if anyone has any questions about it, or anything, feel free to MP me. That's the point of this whole story. I found I was healed, and all I want to do now is help others heal as well. ;)**

 **OK, now to the next chapter!**

* * *

It had been almost a full week since Riley's visit with the Daltons. The memories from her visit constantly replayed themselves in Headquarters, but not in an intrusive, obsessive way, but, instead, a sort of calm, reflective way. She still felt a little uneasy around the couple, but in a respectful manner, like one might feel shy of someone they didn't know very well. Which made sense, since she _didn't_ know them well at all. She thought about them a lot. Thought about their kind, but business-like faces, leaning toward her with every intention of trying to help. Though Riley still had no idea how they could. It wasn't like she was sick. Not with anything _physical_. This was more like an illness in her soul. It was as though something was rotting away inside her, but that there was no earthly cure for it. True doctors would have shrugged; told her it was simply depression and would have given her medications that probably had more dangerous side effects than what she was dealing with now. No, she wasn't really "sick'', in a word; she was...She didn't know what she was. But she had been filled with such fear and hopelessness for so long, she had forgotten what it was like to be the normal, happy girl.

That's why a real doctor wouldn't have understood. And to go to an actual psychologist would have been like screaming "I'm a crazy person" to the rest of the world. And maybe even herself. But just what was a Christian Counselor? Riley knew that a normal counselor's job had to do with being a person trained to help people with their problems. Not necessarily a psychologist, but closer to one than any normal doctor. In that case, a counselor was exactly what Riley needed. But, then why had her mother brought her to a _Christian_ Counselor? What was the difference? And yet, even though Riley had never been to any other, normal counselor, she felt that there must be a difference. She could almost feel it. These people weren't just doing their job. They didn't even make them pay for the visits; it was volunteer work for them. They lived off of the donations that their patients left for them. They actually cared. They actually wanted to see her through this. They actually, in a way she couldn't quite fathom, felt her pain and wanted to lead her to something better. And Riley knew that. She _felt_ that.

And yet, like most girls her age, she was not one for getting her homework done early. She had always been one of those students who would wait until the day before to study for a test. She always was staying up late, typing up tomorrow-due papers. In other words, she could have won the title of "Queen Procrastinator". And that was why, with only a day left, Riley still had not read the instructions on the little paper Nelson Dalton had given her.

She still had that little poem-like thing, the one that had made her feel...odd. But a good kind of odd. It had been peaceful, and thrilling, and, in a way, _freeing_ , even though it had only lasted for a very short time. She was somewhat curious to see if the second reading of those obscure numbers and letters would evoke in her a similar feeling. And yet...she was afraid that they wouldn't. She was afraid that she would feel nothing, and that she would still be stuck right where she was. Right where she had been for the last two years. Hopeless and afraid.

And so it wasn't until the very day before her second visit with the Daltons, that she actually got up the nerve to read it.

She dug the paper with Nelson's notes out of her mother's purse, all the while feeling put out. She really didn't feel like dealing with anymore homework today. She had so much more important things to do. Her mind came up with ways she could get around doing it. Maybe she could fake it. Just say that she had read it. Or maybe she could just quickly skim over the stuff, get the general idea of it all. But deep down inside, a part of her _wanted_ to read it, and that tiny part won out over the others.

Riley found an old Bible in her mom and dad's room. It was dusty, worn, and faded with age. She doubted that it had been used in a very long time. Her mother had a newer one, that Riley had noticed she read more and more often now. Why, Riley wasn't sure. But that wasn't her concern. What was her concern, was reading what was scribbled on that little piece of paper.

"1 Samuel 17."

She knew it was a Bible verse, having seen its format once or twice, when her family went to Christmas Morning service; the only time they usually went to church at all. She brought the book to her room, blowing off some of the dust, before closing the door behind her and sitting down on the bed, heavy book in her hands.

* * *

Fear paused, just as he was about to push down on a button to make Riley put the book aside. His heart ached with indecision, half of him afraid to open the great, big book at all, and the other half of him longing to let Riley do it. After the beautiful poem from before, he had craved that wonderful calm they had felt. As though they had been momentarily healed. How that could be, he wasn't sure. But he wanted it. He needed it. Riley needed it. And that was the only thing that made him lower his hand back to his side, shakily; allowing Riley to continue.

"Ugh...It's so dirty!" Disgust moaned beside him. She was standing slightly back from the console, watching him and the screen intently. She had been released from the invisible barrier, along with Anger, a few days before. In all truth, Fear hadn't even known about the wall separating them at all. But now, he had Sadness, Anger, and Disgust by his side, each staying well away from the console, unless it was absolutely necessary. They let Fear drive as much as possible, seeing as the console seemed to be the one determining who would drive and who would not, indicated by the color it glowed continually. Which, for the most part, was still purple.

Fear was so happy to have them there. He was still struggling, and in a sort of aching pain. The others looked after him worriedly, trying to do everything in their power to help him.

Except Joy.

Joy was the only one still stuck behind the invisible barrier. For some reason, it refused to let her pass. She was still weak, but that poem had given her a small amount of strength, that she had sorely needed. She sat on the floor, right up against the barrier, separated from the others. But, always the optimistic, she believed she would be released soon. She had to be. Riley couldn't live without Joy. Just like Riley couldn't live without any of the others. Or with only one of them, like she had for, what felt like, so long. But Joy was patient. She was ready to jump in the moment the structure allowed her. For now, she was content watching the screen from her place in the back of Headquarters, once in a while shifting her gaze to her coworkers. She couldn't hear them still, but she had known them for so long, it was quite easy to guess what their reactions were to Riley's world beyond them. Joy continued to watch.

"It's kind of sad," Sadness sniffled quietly, in response to Disgust's words. "That such a nice looking book would be left on a shelf so long that it would look like _that_. Forgotten." She wiped a sweatered sleeve across her eyes, trying not to get carried away.

Anger rolled his eyes. "Can we just read already? Riley's got homework to do! This will take long enough as it is!"

They watched in silence as Riley opened the Bible hesitantly, still under Fear's influence, but doing so anyway. The Emotions were really all quite proud of Fear. He, despite everything that had been happening, was going carefully forward, easing Riley through each day since Sadness had helped him to be brave. And he continued to amaze them with the way he would reign in his terror, for Riley's sake. He was really doing very well, and though, so far, Sadness was the only one to tell him so, Anger and Disgust felt very much the same way. In their own ways they encouraged him, slipping in the smallest of kind words from time to time, especially when he seemed to be fighting extra hard. It couldn't be easy to fight one's own instinct, but he was doing so with flying colors.

Riley had a hard time finding the book of the Bible the instructions indicated. Anger leaned over, pushing a button to make Riley use the book's index in frustration, but then he backed up again, giving Fear an encouraging nod. Fear gave a shaky smile, before turning his eyes back to the screen. He looked down the list of books in the Bible, completely unfamiliar with any, except for maybe the book of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John; again because of Christmas services of the past. He searched until he located 1 Samuel, just after a book called Ruth, coaxing Riley to flip to the right page. He faintly heard Disgust gag at all the dust, but ignored it, focused completely on the task at hand. He was afraid that if they didn't get this over with quickly, he would chicken out, and Riley would never read the passage. Luckily, 1 Samuel 17 was easy to find, but the Emotions all groaned softly as they realized it was an entire chapter.

Sadness blinked back a few tears, standing close to Fear, as she had done since she had first escaped the barrier. "But...it's so long...Riley's too tired to read all that."

Anger squinted his eyes, taking a look at the title of that particular chapter. "Hey...This says it's the story of David and Goliath!" He huffed in annoyance. "We already know this story! How's that supposed to help Riley?!" He shot forth a hand to make Riley slam the book closed, mirroring his frustration, but Fear's weak grip reached out and stopped him. Under normal circumstances, Anger would have punched the purple Emotion out of his way, but something in Fear's light touch seemed different. Frighteningly so. Anger looked up in surprise, frozen in his position, arm still reaching for the button with Fear's hand wrapped around his wrist.

"Please, Anger..." Fear's voice trembled slightly, the tremors traveling up his arm in a way that Anger could actually feel them. "L-Let me do this...I...Riley needs this." He didn't know why, or how. But, for some reason, despite his own fears, he knew they had to do it. It was what he needed to do. What Riley needed to do.

Anger stood motionless as he was, struggling with his own thoughts, looking Fear right in the eyes. The eyes that, for once, were filled with a strange mix of determination and desperation. After a moment, Anger sighed, lowering his eyes, as well as his hand. "OK, Fear." It was all he said.

Disgust and Sadness stood opened mouthed, completely shocked. Anger was not one to ever be stopped when he was determined to drive, and yet Fear had only _asked_. Of course, a lot had changed between the Emotions and Fear. They regarded him with overflowing pity and compassion. He had been through so much. Just as much as Riley. Maybe even Anger was feeling that Fear deserved to drive, or needed to, even if none of them understood why.

Joy too was watching. Without hearing them, she could not completely understand what had happened, but she could tell it was significant. Anger never backed down to anyone, especially Fear. Or, at least, he hadn't, until now. She saw Fear sigh, his shoulders still shaking. How tired that must make him; to always feel the electrical impulse of terror coursing through him. But then Joy remembered that Riley had been feeling much the same way for the last two years. They needed this to stop. They needed something to fix this, and if, somehow, this story could help, then what was the harm in trying?

Fear turned back to the console, gently prompting Riley to start reading, which, to their surprise, she did out loud.

* * *

 _"Now the Philistines gathered their forces for war and assembled at Sokoh in Judah. They pitched camp at Ephes Dammim, between Sokoh and Azekah. Saul and the Israelites assembled and camped in the Valley of Elah and drew up their battle line to meet the Philistines. The Philistines occupied one hill and the Israelites another, with the valley between them."_

Riley frowned slightly at all the names and places she didn't recognize. She had learned a little bit about the Philistines in history once, but nothing about this particular story. But it was easy enough to tell that this first paragraph described a scene that would soon unfold into a battle. She knew that story of David and Goliath fairly well, though she hadn't heard it since she was very little. She had never read the story, the _real_ story, before. It had always been a watered down child's version. The fact that this was getting deeper into the actual battle made Riley's eyebrows rise in interest.

It appeared that these people, called the Philistines where preparing to make battle with the Israelites, who were being led by a man named Saul. Riley smiled nervously, relieved that she had actually understood something in the Bible. She at least recognized the Israelites. It gave her just enough confidence to move on.

 _"A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. His height was six cubits and a span. He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels; on his legs he wore bronze greaves, and a bronze javelin was slung on his back. His spear shaft was like a weaver's rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels. His shield bearer went ahead of him."_

Riley became more interested, her face getting just a bit closer to the page. A champion? Six cubits and a little more? Good grief! The man was a giant! She remembered from math class that a cubit was a little more than a normal foot. That meant this guy was taller than six feet! As for his armor, she had no idea what some of those things were, but they certainly sounded impressive. The image in her mind of what she had always envisioned Goliath to be was instantly altered. She had always had the image of a clumsy looking cartoon, kind of chubby with a deep frown on his face. Something more from myth. But now, she saw that it hadn't been that way at all. This was a man, who was supposed to be huge, and frightening. His body built like an oak, capable of crushing a man without hardly any effort. His face sneering, full of confidence that he could destroy any of the enemy; squash them like a bug.

 _"Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul? Choose a man and have him come down to me. If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us." Then the Philistine said, "This day I defy the armies of Israel! Give me a man and let us fight each other." On hearing the Philistine's words, Saul and all the Israelites were dismayed and terrified."_

Riley couldn't blame them! This man, Goliath, was frightening. He was so full of evil intent, and confidence, just like any villain that Riley had ever seen in any movie. It was so...dramatic. Riley just hadn't been expecting it. Suddenly, Riley found herself completely caught up in the story. She no longer paused between paragraphs, and instead plunged in all the way.

 _"Now David was the son of an Ephrathite named Jesse, who was from Bethlehem in Judah. Jesse had eight sons, and in Saul's time he was very old. Jesse's three oldest sons had followed Saul to the war: The firstborn was Eliab; the second, Abinadab; and the third, Shammah. David was the youngest. The three oldest followed Saul, but David went back and forth from Saul to tend his father's sheep at Bethlehem._

 _For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand._

 _Now Jesse said to his son David, "Take this ephah of roasted grain and these ten loaves of bread for your brothers and hurry to their camp. Take along these ten cheeses to the commander of their unit. See how your brothers are and bring back some assurance from them. They are with Saul and all the men of Israel in the Valley of Elah, fighting against the Philistines."_

 _Early in the morning David left the flock in the care of a shepherd, loaded up and set out, as Jesse had directed. He reached the camp as the army was going out to its battle positions, shouting the war cry. Israel and the Philistines were drawing up their lines facing each other. David left his things with the keeper of supplies, ran to the battle lines and asked his brothers how they were. As he was talking with them, Goliath, the Philistine champion from Gath, stepped out from his lines and shouted his usual defiance, and David heard it. Whenever the Israelites saw the man, they all fled from him in great fear._

 _Now the Israelites had been saying, "Do you see how this man keeps coming out? He comes out to defy Israel. The king will give great wealth to the man who kills him. He will also give him his daughter in marriage and will exempt his family from taxes in Israel."_

 _David asked the men standing near him, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?"_

 _They repeated to him what they had been saying and told him, "This is what will be done for the man who kills him."_

 _When Eliab, David's oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, "Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the wilderness? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle."_

Riley felt a twinge of anger within her. What a horrid thing to say of one's brother! David had just been doing as he was told! His coming had nothing to do with what his oldest brother had said!

 _"Now what have I done?" said David. "Can't I even speak?" He then turned away to someone else and brought up the same matter, and the men answered him as before. What David said was overheard and reported to Saul, and Saul sent for him._

 _David said to Saul, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him."_

At first, Riley was confused. She had taken David for such a nice guy...why was he telling this leader man to send his poor servant out? But then, as she read on, she realized it was David referring to himself as a servant.

 _"Saul replied, "You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth."_

 _But David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine."_

 _Saul said to David, "Go, and the Lord be with you."_

 _Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them._

 _"I cannot go in these," he said to Saul, "because I am not used to them." So he took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine._

 _Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. He looked David over and saw that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome, and he despised him. He said to David, "Am I a dog,that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. "Come here," he said, "and I'll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!"_

 _David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands."_

 _As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground._

 _So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him._

 _David ran and stood over him. He took hold of the Philistine's sword and drew it from the sheath. After he killed him, he cut off his head with the sword._

 _When the Philistines saw that their hero was dead, they turned and ran. Then the men of Israel and Judah surged forward with a shout and pursued the Philistines to the entrance of Gath and to the gates of Ekron. Their dead were strewn along the Shaaraim road to Gath and Ekron. When the Israelites returned from chasing the Philistines, they plundered their camp._

 _David took the Philistine's head and brought it to Jerusalem; he put the Philistine's weapons in his own tent._

 _As Saul watched David going out to meet the Philistine, he said to Abner, commander of the army, "Abner, whose son is that young man?"_

 _Abner replied, "As surely as you live, Your Majesty, I don't know."_

 _The king said, "Find out whose son this young man is."_

 _As soon as David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul, with David still holding the Philistine's head._

 _"Whose son are you, young man?" Saul asked him._

 _David said, "I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem."_

And so ended the chapter. Riley stared a moment, taking in all she had read. That odd, peaceful feeling was waiting on the edge of her consciousness, though just what it was she didn't know. She felt...slightly in awe. She had never read the story as it actually was written in the Bible, and it shocked her. This wasn't the silly, Sunday-school story she had been expecting. And it left an impression.

This David...he had faced something so fearful; so horrifying. Riley just couldn't see herself doing anything like that. She was such a fearful, wimpy, stupid girl. She couldn't even face her everyday anxieties without freaking out inside. And yet...yet this one boy was able to face a giant. A _giant_. Sometimes her fears felt like giants compared to her. She wished with all her might that she could have the courage to face them.

David had faced Goliath, with God's help. Riley almost rolled her eyes. She wasn't even sure if this story was true. After all, how could a little man face a giant, with spears and shields and swords, when he himself had nothing but a stone? But then, Riley couldn't seem to dismiss it either. Her thoughts on it just wouldn't leave her alone. And slowly, she gained a new fear. A fear that the answer had been in front of her all this time, and she had pushed it away. But she till wasn't sure she wanted to accept it...not yet.

She wanted to think on it just a bit more.


	15. Casting the Stone

Fear's hands lay sprawled against the controls. His breathing, though soft and quiet, was uneven, a result of the terror he was trying so hard to suppress. At his back, he could feel the ever present feeling of emotional warmth that he knew was his friends. Sadness was to his left, just slightly behind his elbow, just in case he needed comfort. To his right, Disgust fiddled with the hem of her green dress, but her eyes were fixed on him, not in scorn or annoyance, like she sometimes did, but in gentle concern and encouragement. And, directly behind him, Fear could sense the presence of Anger. The red Emotion was completely calm; calmer than Fear and the others had ever seen him. While he was a few inches further from Fear than the other two, his continence was still friendly, and comforting in his own, odd way. And far, far behind them all, Joy peered through the invisible barrier, hands pressed lightly against its existence, eyes never once leaving them all. It gave Fear the courage to stand there, eyes fixed on the screen, ready to go through with this.

Despite his best efforts to remain as dormant as possible, the console still drew a little energy from his touch to supply Riley with a nervous wringing of her fingers in her lap. They were back at the Daltons, sitting in that same, comfortable couch in the gently illuminated room. He felt slightly more at ease than the last time, though, not by much. He still felt like they were under a microscope, and that feeling was pumped into Riley as well.

 _"Well, hello there, Riley. How are you doing today?"_

Fear's eyes snapped back into focus, bringing Riley out of the stare into space they had been performing for the last several minutes. Shifting his hand slowly over the console, he pushed a slider on the controls to prompt Riley to answer Nelson Dalton.

 _"I'm alright."_

Her voice came out tight and stiff, making Fear slightly guilty. He knew the Daltons were just trying to help. But he just felt so uptight, and, because of him, so did Riley.

The Emotions watched the screen as Mr. Dalton came to sit across from Riley, his face lit up in a gentle smile. He was such a friendly man, full of understanding, but also of determined purpose. Fear liked that, even though it also frightened him. He wanted the man to be determined to help Riley get well, but that bold, strong personality had always made him nervous no matter who it was. Nelson Dalton leaned forward in that way he always seemed to go, his hands sprawled against his knees. " _Just alright?"_ he repeated with a grin. A grin that showed, somehow, that he understood. " _Hmm. Well, how about we get started. Did you read the passage I sent home with you?"_

Fear squirmed slightly, feeling a jolt of nervousness run through him and then fade when he remembered that, yes, Riley had read it. He thought he felt Anger heat up a bit behind him, probably annoyed that they weren't going to be able to ignore the reading, like they had hoped. Again, Fear prompted Riley to answer.

 _"Yes."_

 _"Any thoughts on it?"_

"Do we have any thoughts on it?" Disgust burst out, obviously agitated. "Of course we do! Our whole, mushed-up brain is in turmoil over all this stuff!" She crossed her hands over her chest, eyes averted to the floor. She was just disgusted with this whole situation. She wasn't even sure if reading the passage had helped, or made things worse. Though, deep down, she knew it was the former, it was still hard to divide up all the new information. Riley's mind was so full of questions, and her facts and opinions were hopelessly mixed up. She didn't know what she thought, or even what she knew. It was all a clean, white, empty board, underlined by confusion and chaos. Just what _did_ Riley think of all this?

 _"...Yes."_

Riley's answer surprised even the Emotions.

 _"It was...It was a wonderful story. It was filled with so much more than I thought it would be. I mean, I was familiar with the story of David and Goliath before but...I don't know. This was different."_

Nelson's smile never wavered. _"How was it different?"_

Fear took a deep breath. Without Joy, how could he truly help express how Riley had felt while reading that passage. It had felt...good. That was a start. It had been a tangible relief; one that, in a way, Riley longed to feel again. And so did he.

 _"It was...soothing? I guess that's what you could call it. I felt like I...understood it. Like I had been feeling sick with a cold, and the words were like medicine that cleared up all the stuffiness. That...T-That doesn't really make any sense, does it?"_ She ended the explanation weakly, fully believing that what she had just said would be virtually meaningless.

 _"Of course it does_ ," Mr. Dalton assured her. He sat back a bit, taking on a very honest air about him. _"Believe it or not, there are people all around the world, all throughout history, that have struggled with the same problems as you are now. Everyone goes through hard times, Riley."_ He frowned slightly. _"Now, that doesn't mean that I'm brushing this whole thing off by saying it's a common occurrence, but, what I am saying is that you are not alone. We walk by people all the time who are struggling with all kinds of things. Some are overcome by their hatred, while others are so depressed that they see life as not worth living. Others are driven through life by their fears. None of these things are pleasant, but they are not as unusual as they may feel to an individual going through it. When we start to open up to each other, as well as to ourselves, that is much easier to see. Do you understand?"_

Fear pushed the slider. _"I-I guess so."_ He pushed it a little more. " _I think so."_ A little more. _"Yes."_

Mr. Dalton nodded slowly, looking at Riley in a thoughtful, kind way. Finally, he asked, " _What was it about the story of David and Goliath that struck you the most?"_

The Emotions in headquarters froze, all looking to Fear. That was really a question they all knew the answer to, but Fear was still in control. The console still responded to him the best, and, though they now held a little sway over it, it always came out slowed, and dulled.

Fear could feel their eyes on him. With a dry swallow, he gathered up whatever courage he had left to give. Riley didn't want to tell. She was afraid to tell. She had always been one to hide her thoughts inside of her. For her and her only. But that had proved to be very unhealthy. If they had just followed Sadness's suggestion to tell way at the beginning of the whole situation, maybe things would have turned out differently. Fear let his feelings flow out of him, letting them come out through Riley. He was too tired to hide it anymore. And so was Riley.

 _"Well...I think it was the fact that David was so brave. That he could just stand up, a boy among an army of men who were too scared to rise up themselves, and face a giant. He's just...he's just everything I've ever wanted to be...Everything I'm not."_ She closed her eyes, feeling the full crush of those feelings come down on her. It was as if the problem had suddenly come to a head. She wasn't brave. She was afraid; always afraid. Who was she to even think she could be anything but that.

 _"Why do you say that, Riley?"_ Both Daltons watched her, their eyes filled with compassion, and, in some odd way, understanding. But how could they understand? They had never experienced this. They had never been so overrun by fear and hopelessness that they wondered whether it was all worth it. They couldn't possibly understand.

Riley's words came out strained and filled with the tension of holding back her true grief and sorrow _."Because I'm always so scared. Because I can't even go into the store to hand money over the counter without having a panic attack...B-Because I'm not brave. I'm not any of those things. If I were to face a giant, even the giant of my own struggles, I know I would fall. I wouldn't be able to do it."_

 _"Exactly."_

 _"W-What?"_ Riley raised her eyes to look at Nelson, her face the very picture of confusion. Within her, the Emotions felt as though they had been zapped.

"...E-Exactly?" The Emotions turned to Fear, it being the first time he had spoken in a long while. He was trembling slightly, eyes fixed on the screen as though he were speaking to Nelson directly. "W-What do you mean exactly?!" He didn't expect an answer. No one could give him one.

 _"That is exactly right."_ Nelson Dalton repeated. _"Riley, half of the journey to true healing is realizing that you can't do it alone. Knowing that if you were to try under your own power, you would fail. We can't face 'giants' of any form on our own. We can try. We can fight against rage, sickness, death, fear, and depression. We can fight against grief, and loss, and sorrow. But we can't win. We just can't. We can try to plug that aching hole in our soul with medicine, family, friends, fashion, ideas and philosophies, but it just won't work. There is no cure. No cure that we can obtain on our own."_

Riley blinked, uncertain. _"Then how do I get healed?"_

 _"By relying on God."_ He watched her reaction, again with understanding. _"I know it's hard to accept. We humans tend to have this controlling complex where we believe things have to be difficult to be real. That healing must come at a price. And it did. But we didn't have to pay it."_ Nelson smiled. _"You know about Jesus, don't you?"_

 _"Y-Yes."_

 _"Tell me what you know."_

Riley paused long and hard. _"Well...Um. Jesus is God's...son. He was born in a barn...ah, stable. He died on the cross and rose again three days later."_ She had heard the story many times before.

 _"Hmm, yes. It is a story many people know. But there is a difference between knowing, and believing. Believing isn't easy, and there are so many things to believe in in this world. So many, in fact, that sometimes it's hard to tell what's really worth believing in, and what isn't. People tend to set God aside. People tend to say that Jesus is nothing but a story, or nothing but a very good man who lived many years ago. But there is so much more to that than those people know or understand. It isn't just a story, it's a life. It isn't just a religion, it's a faith."_

Riley looked down at her hands, then back up at the man and his wife. _"Faith?"_

 _"Faith is never an easy thing. It's believing in something completely, even when it's hard. It_ _is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.*_ _And it doesn't pertain to just Christians. Evolutionists have faith in what they believe, just as Christians do for what they believe. In fact, sometimes I wonder if it takes even more faith to believe that we evolved than that we were created. But the fact is, that faith is what you need to be healed, Riley. Jesus is the only cure that works. But, that is not a choice for anyone other than you to make. God doesn't force his gift of Jesus on us. That's why it's called a gift. It's up to us individually to either accept it, or reject it."_

Fear tightened his hold on the controls. He had shut his eyes, scrunching them tight as if the worry he was holding in actually hurt. It did hurt. He knew that he had to let it out. That he needed Riley to let it all go. The fear building up inside them both was only harming them. Shakily, and almost painfully, Fear let out one final worry. As it left him and Riley spoke, he felt an ease run through him. A lot of the aches left his small body, and breathing suddenly became easier. He didn't release it all, but he released enough. For now.

 _"...How can you be so_ _sure?"_ Riley whispered desperately. " _...How can you be so sure that that would help me? How do you know there really is a God?"_

Mr. Dalton gave a hum with a nod of his head. _"Hmm. Good question. I have never seen God. I have never heard an audible voice calling my name. So, how do I believe? We humans tend to put their faith in things that they can see. In history we sometimes worship nature, because we can see it. We sometimes worship statues, because it is something we can see, and feel, and touch. So why would I choose a God that I cannot see. Hmm. Let me say it this way. When you are standing outside, Riley, and a gentle breeze blows against you, do you believe in wind?"_

 _"...Yes."_

 _"But you can't see it. How do you know it's real?"_

Riley shrugged after giving it some thought. For the life of her, she couldn't think of a satisfying answer. _"It...It just is. I know it's there because I can see it blowing in the trees, and see the leaves it picks up and carries."_ That was about the best she could do.

 _"Exactly."_ Nelson smiled again. _"I have faith that there is a God, not because I have seen Him personally, but because I have seen what He has done. I have seen Him heal. I have seen Him save. I have felt His love, even though it was invisible. That is how I know, Riley. I believe."_ He paused, his eyes searching Riley's own. _"So know I suppose the question is...Do you?"_

Riley held his gaze a moment, before lowering her eyes back down to her hands curled in her lap.

 _That_ was a very good question.

* * *

Riley sat in her room, quiet and serious, the old, dusty Bible clutched in her hands. It had been several hours since she had returned from her visit with the Daltons. It had left her with a lot to think about. She felt as though she were standing at a crossroad, with two paths leading to the future. It froze her in place, the decision seemingly overwhelming. But her mind felt clear. For the first time in two years, she was able to step back and see what she had truly become. A young girl, trapped by her own fear and worry. Trapped by things she had hidden inside herself for so long, that she had nearly forgotten how to express them at all. She could see she needed help. And she wanted it. But that didn't make the choice any easier.

Her emotions were silent in Headquarters. Silent and still. All their eyes were fixed on the Bible in Riley's slack grip. They took in its worn cover, cracked and dusty from the effects of time. The gold lettering on it was faded, almost invisible against its black, leather front. But it was not the outside, but the inside that they were contemplating. Anger was calmer than he had ever been, his ruby-colored eyes shifting back and forth, ever so slightly, as if he were waiting for something to happen. Beside him, Sadness dug her fingers into the knitted fabric of her sweater, stretching it out in her worry, but her eyes were dry of tears. Far in the back of Headquarters, Joy watched silently. Curiosity and understanding her only radiation. Up near the front, Disgust looked very still, standing motionless with both arms hanging slack at her sides. She seemed...resigned. Almost accepting. In fact, they all did.

Except Fear.

He still clutched the controls with sweaty, shaking hands. His breathing was hard, abnormally loud in the quiet atmosphere around him. But he didn't care. His eyes, like everyone else's, was glued to that Bible. Nelson had said Riley had a choice to make. Fear hated choices. All kinds of 'what if's filled his thoughts. What if she made the wrong choice? What if she didn't heal? What if it was all just a bunch of nonsense? Decisions weren't things to be made lightly. Especially ones of such importance. And importance was scary. And scary was...a problem. In order for Riley to be free from all this, he would have to let go. And he wasn't sure he could do that.

"Nelson made a lot of sense," Anger spoke up gently, to no one in particular. "All that stuff about not being able to fix this on our own was perfectly true." He knew it was.

"And we should know," Disgust huffed half-heartedly. "We've tried. We've tried to hide it, suppress it, and distract Riley from it, and all of those ways failed us."

"And now Mr. Nelson's told us that no one can help us..." Sadness sniffled. "...Except Jesus."

Anger let out a small grunt, not really angry, but full of doubt. "Do we...Do we really believe in all that stuff? I-I mean...what if it's all just a story, and we get our hopes up and are disappointed?" His head heated a little, not in full anger, but maybe a little frustration.

Sadness's large eyes lowered to the floor in contemplation. "That's where this 'faith' he spoke of comes into play. It...It starts with a decision..." She paused, then shook her head. "No, a _realization_. We realize we can't defeat this on our own. And we know that no one else can help us. And...And that's sad..." She wilted visibly, overcome by the weight those words carried. Her hand leaned against the console, and it turned a vibrant blue, before mixing with Fear's purple.

* * *

Riley felt tears start to trickle down her cheeks. Tears of hopelessness and fear. Hopelessness because she didn't know what to do. She knew she needed help, but there was no one to turn to. Unless...

Her eyes fixed even harder on the Bible in her hands, tears falling onto its surface. She knew that she couldn't do any of this alone. She wanted help so, so badly. All the pain from before, all the fear and worry, mixed with an intense sorrow that made her cry all the more earnestly.

* * *

"We should have asked for help a long time ago," Disgust said weakly, wringing the hem of her dress. "I'm so sick of fighting a losing battle. I'm sick of Riley suffering. I'm sick of everything! If mankind can't help us, then maybe God can!" She was breathing heavily, her passion in her words causing her to feel all at once very tired. With a sigh of relief, she too leaned against the console, and her color was added to that of Sadness and Fear.

* * *

Riley felt disgusted with what her life had become. A life filled with fear and negative emotion. She longed for the truth and light the book in her hands spoke of. She longed to be forgiven of everything she had ever done wrong. Forgiven of the times she had lied, or cheated, or when she had stolen her mother's credit card and run away. It still weighed heavily on her heart, and she wanted to be released from its burden. From every burden. She was thoroughly disgusted with what her life would continue to be...if she didn't make the right choice. But what was the right choice?

* * *

Anger growled, hands clenching at his sides. "What happened to Riley wasn't fair!" he yelled. "Everything she went through, everything that made her miserable, happened to our little girl! She...She's only a little girl..." His voice trailed off, just like his anger. A sense of understanding slowly formed on his face. A look of revelation. "But...But maybe all these things happened, not to hurt Riley...But to save her..."

Disgust and Sadness exchanged glances.

"What do you mean?" the green emotion asked cautiously.

Anger spoke, eyes staring at the screen. At that Bible. "What if that was what Riley needed all along...to make her realize that she _did_ need help? What if...God...knew that she would never have been able to even consider believing in Him...unless she first realized that it was Him that she needed...It might not seem fair...At least, not to us..." He smiled. "But maybe it was _right_." He leaned against the console, and his brilliant red mixed in with the purple, blue, and green.

* * *

Riley felt her anger subside, realizing that she never would have realized how much she needed help until she was at her all-time lowest. That, had things not gone so wrong, she would have gone through life without ever hearing that there was another path she could take. Her grip on the Bible loosened a little, instead of strangling it with her fingers. She sighed, a feeling of understanding washing over her. This meant that it hadn't all been senseless. It hadn't been to hurt her, but to help her. It was a light at the end of a long tunnel, one that she hadn't known where it was leading.

But she was still afraid.

* * *

"Fear?" Sadness spoke up gently, never once letting go of the console. She smiled when the purple Emotion looked down at her. "Fear, we've all decided to...do this. If Riley wants to. But we all have to be in agreement. What do you want to do?"

"What do I want?!" Fear burst out, a hysterical aspect to his voice that the others hadn't been expecting. He had seemed so calm a moment ago. He was shivering violently, his fingers nearly digging through the metal of the controls. "WHAT DO I WANT?! I want Riley to be free of me!" he sobbed, lowering his head so that they couldn't look him in the eyes. "I want Riley to be safe! I want Riley to be happy!"

"And she will be," Disgust said, her voice unnaturally soothing. It hurt her to see him like this. It hurt them all.

"How do you know?!" the purple Emotion choked. "How do you believe that?! I want to! I want to believe! But I'm so...so scared!"

The light in Headquarters became noticeably more purple.

* * *

Riley felt herself shaking. She wanted to accept Christ. She did. But she was so scared. She didn't understand it all, and yet the desire was there, and it was growing. But so was her fear. It bucked and clung to her, crippling in its strength. It's grip was tight. Familiar. The same monster...the same giant she had been facing for two years. She couldn't face it. She couldn't. Not alone. She couldn't live with it. She really would go insane. She'd never have truth. She'd never have the light the Bible and the Daltons spoke of. And that one thought was enough to tip the scale.

"...Oh, God...please help me..."

* * *

The Emotions froze.

Fear's eyes widened, disbelieving. Riley had made a decision. Not with their help, but of her own free will. She _wanted_ to do this. She _wanted_ to be free. And if that was what his little girl wanted, Fear wanted it too. With a deep breath and a shudder, he stripped himself of every fear and every worry. He pushed harder into the console, but not to transfer the energy of fear, but of courage. A courage he had never known. A courage that was willing to face the _unknown_. His hands still shook, for, as Sadness had told him, bravery is not the lack of fear, but of being afraid and doing what is right anyway. He stared down at his trembling hands, sprawled in front of him, supplying courage to Riley's very soul. A moment later, Sadness's small, blue fingers came and lay on top of his. Followed by Disgust's, and even Anger's. They pressed down gently, adding whatever they could to his energy. To his courage.

And then, to their surprise, a golden hand came to lay on top of them all. They looked up with a start, to find a smiling Joy, free and happy, shining brighter than ever beside them. There was a bright, warm glow that started to fill Headquarters. It was strong, growing until everything around them was crystal white; they couldn't see anything, not even each other. And yet, it didn't hurt their eyes. It was close and gentle. Caring and loving. It was like an actual presence. It hugged all around them, and flowed through them, filling them all with a peace and joy that not even Joy herself had ever felt.

And that was when they heard it.

Like an angelic voice echoing all around them.

Their little girl...

Prayed.

* * *

"Oh, God..." Riley sobbed heavily, all her emotions bursting from her very core all at once. "Oh, God, please help me...I want to believe...I do, but I'm so scared..." She cried harder. "But I know that you can help me...Please, _please_ help me. Fill me with the light that the churches talk about...What the Bible speaks about. I can't go on like this! Oh, God! Please!" She was almost hysterical now. No, not hysterical. Flowing out everything that she had bottled up for so long. Only this time, it didn't come out like it had with the knife that night. It didn't fill her with shame and sorrow. This filled her with peace. As though something...someone, where truly wrapping their arms around her. "I believe. I believe. Lord, I truly want to believe. Help me. Help me believe." And all at once, she knew she did.

She knew that she truly did believe.

* * *

The familiar sound, like the clinking of gentle glass, broke out in Headquarters. It was a sound all the Emotions were familiar with, and had learned to treat with the utmost joy and respect. It was the sound of a memory, traveling its way along the track that wound its path in and around Riley's gears. At first, none of them could see it, but then, all at once, a rainbow of colors fairly exploded to the right of the console as the largest, brightest memory they had ever seen slipped into sight. It was so bright that, even in the almost blinding white light that surrounded them, it was brighter still. Unlike any memory before, which was either one color or two, this one was every one of their colors represented in a swirling, shifting sphere. It send rainbows shining all around it, filling the room with a feeling of happiness and curiosity.

Instead of going up to one of the shelves, however, a new path of light opened up in the floor. The memory changed course, entering and following the new path.

"I-It's a Core Memory," Joy breathed, her eyes filled with a brightness in and of their own. The others were thinking the same thing, their eyes locked on the glowing sphere of red, blue, green, gold, and purple.

The memory traveled to the Core Memory stand at the center of Headquarters, only visible now that it was in the glow of the new memory. But instead of taking its place among the others of its kind, the stand all at once sprouted a second level that they had never known existed. It was as though it had always been there, waiting for this exact memory. For this exact purpose. The Core Memory slipped up inside, locking into place.

The instant it had, the white light all around diminished slightly, just enough to be able to see the change that was overcoming Headquarters. Like an explosion of gold light, a ring spread out from the stand, just like the line that would usually appear; only this went all over, on every side, sending waves in every direction, toward the windows and to the feet of the Emotions themselves. Even out to the Personality Islands, making their ties stronger than ever before.

A great creaking sound filled the air, and, like a small earthquake, the room began to shake. Still unwilling to release their grips on the console, the Emotions hang on desperately, eyes opened wide and watching with a sense of awe. They supposed they should have been frightened, but they weren't. A feeling of calm had filled them, and it was as though they knew this was all as it should be. Even as the quake strengthened, and the very foundation was transforming beneath their feet, it did not faze or worry them. The long stem on which Headquarters stood was slowly changing, turning from the metal it had always been, to being encased in solid rock crystal. Immovable, steadfast, and indestructible, it made Riley's mind stronger than it had ever been. All throughout her mind things became brighter, cleaner; renewed. Imagination land became larger, and yet, at the same time, was more contained, having a place of its own. The maze of memories in Long Term seemed to grow, with more room than the Emotions could ever have thought possible. Even, in its own way, the Memory Dump seemed to change, becoming less ominous.

"Oh!"

The Emotions themselves flinched, but not out of pain. A sensation had traveled up their arms, into their very beings. A warmth, effecting each of them differently.

For Sadness it was as though all the grief and sorrow she had ever felt was not in vain. As though she now understood the importance of those times, no matter how much suffering it had caused her and Riley. The sadness now had meaning, and even though she knew there would still be times that Riley would be sad, she was certain that there would always be an end to it. There was no more hopelessness. No more depression. And even when depression might get a hold of them, Sadness realized there would now always be an escape from it. A path that would always be open. Always be there. And it was enough, for maybe the first time in her life, Sadness felt true and honest joy.

Anger felt a calm grow within him. His sense of fairness steadily growing into an understanding of what was right. The world might not seem fair all the time, but what was fairness? The sense of self-centeredness that ensured Riley was always treated the same, given the same, and got the same? Yes. And that had always empowered him, and had always made him so mad when life didn't meet those standards. But now he realized he hadn't had it quite right. Life wasn't fair. God wasn't fair. If God was fair He would have given all mankind what they truly deserved, which was separation from Him forever. But God wasn't fair...He was merciful, and true, and right. He gave mankind...He had given _Riley_ , another chance. And though Anger knew that Riley and him would still get frustrated and angry from time to time, it would be more controlled. Eased. A righteous anger.

Disgust felt herself being overcome with understanding. Her mind filled with all the times she had been judgmental, or snobbish. The times she had stuck up her nose in disapproval of those around Riley, and even the other Emotions in Headquarters. It filled her with shame, but a fleeting shame, for now she understood that life wasn't always about her. It wasn't even all about Riley. There were so many people in the world, and if God saw each and every one of them as lovingly as He saw Riley, than who was she, Disgust, to think any different. She was filled with compassion and understanding, and a longing to help others rather than simply shrug them off. And, though she doubted she would ever change her or Riley's opinion of broccoli, she realized that neither she nor Riley would ever see other people the same way again.

Joy felt happier than she ever had before. Her golden light had grown so bright there was an aura that encircled her, almost seeming to spread right into the very souls of her companions. She wanted to laugh and cry and shout with pure, enriched joy. She wanted to sing and dance and hug everything and everyone in sight. Her very particles jittered with it, an energy that she had never thought possible. And then, like a flood, an overwhelming love, love for others, and care for their well being overcame her. She didn't care who they might be, or what they might have done in their lives, but she only wished to share the light and joy they now had. It was too much to be locked up inside. And no matter what, Joy was determined to allow Riley to glow as brightly as the joy that resided now in all of them.

Fear shivered and shook, though not with fear as he had always done. The power of courage raging through him was almost too much. It had always been in reserve, ready to come out, and now it had. He breathed heavily, a smile pasted on his face as his little, lanky form fairly pulsed with it. He knew that Riley would still get scared sometimes, but that was only an avenue for bravery. A bravery that only God could give.

And yet...

The smile fell from his face, and the glow about him faded slightly, the purple once again taking over the console. The other Emotions flitted their eyes to him, full of concern. They knew what was bothering him. They knew this was hard for him. They understood that Fear's grip on the controls had tightened again, because, as they had found, Fear was such a very strong Emotion. Maybe not strong physically, but the impact he could have on Riley surpassed the power of any of them.

"Fear..." Sadness removed one hand from the console to reach out and touch him.

Fear felt her warm hand light on his elbow, ever so gently. Then he felt it followed by another. Then another. Another. They had all reached out to him. Even Disgust and Anger, who had never shown such encouragement and understanding to him before. Their voices rang hopefully in his ears, even though he had slammed his eyes shut already.

"Come on, Fear. You can do it."

"We know you can."

"But trust. Everything will be fine."

"This is what Riley needs. This is how we can keep her safe."

He knew they were right. It wouldn't be easy, but he knew they were right. His glow returned slowly, and with a deep, cleansing breath, he started to lift his hands up off the controls.

But the console wouldn't let him.

It was as though his hands had been glued to the controls, pressed down hard, as though held there by an invisible force. At first, he panicked, tugging at his limbs until it hurt. The others tried to help, but to no avail. He was stuck. He wanted to let go. He _had_ let go...

But Riley hadn't.

"Oh, Riley..." The words left his mouth in an understanding whisper. For now he realized that it had never been him forcing all his fears and worry on his girl. Riley had _wanted_ them. She had clung to those fears like a lifeline. She had focused all her attention on them, making them grow and take control of her. Fear had never been gripping Riley...Riley had been griping _him_. All the guilt he had felt melted away into pity and love. It hadn't been his fault. It hadn't been him. He almost wanted to faint in relief. But that would have to wait. "Riley," he whispered. " _Riley_...Just let go. Let Him take it. You don't have to feel this way anymore...Let go." With God, there was no more need for it.

* * *

Riley could still feel a weigh pushing down on her consciousness. But what it was she couldn't quite tell. She knew she believed. She knew, and that would never change. But what was it that still weighed down upon her? And then, slowly, it came to her.

Her fear.

She had relied on it so long. She had clung to it, nourished it, and expanded upon it. She had fed it with new fears daily, keeping it beside her always, even though, in her heart, she didn't want to. Fear had its place, but certainly not in every aspect of her life. It wasn't supposed to control her. But yet she still held on to it. Afraid to let go.

Just let go.

She knew she had to. She had to let it go. God was God. He could handle the burden. She couldn't do it alone. She just couldn't. And she didn't want to. She just had to trust. Trust in God to take the burden away. To renew her, and help her have a stronger faith. A stronger trust.

And so, with a deep, deep breath, she finally, _finally_ , let it go.

* * *

Fear fell back from the console with a yelp, falling right into the arms of his friends. They all stood still a moment, looking down at his now free hands, a mix of shock and elation on their faces. It was almost too good to be true.

"She did it!" Joy suddenly shouted, wrapping her arms around the others and hugging them tightly. After a moment, the others, for the first time ever, returned it. Each and every one of them. They gazed over the new Headquarters, taking in how everything seemed to glow and sparkle, not in a girly, mamby-pamby sort of way, but it a fresh and growing way. A way that promised that things had changed, and that they never would be the same again. And it was alright. It was more than alright. It was as it was _supposed_ to be. A level of Riley that would never have been reached before. Everything was going to be alright, and they knew that. It filled them with strength they had never known of before.

Because Riley was saved.

* * *

 ***Hebrews 11:1 - " _Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."_**


	16. Ongoing Journey

Today was the big day.

To say that she wasn't nervous would have been a lie, but Riley supposed it was a good kind of nervousness. The kind that helps you focus, even if you do feel a little frigidity. Her skin practically crawled with excitement, a steady flow of electrical impalses of happiness that shocked through her continually, pasting a great, big smile on her face. They alternated with chills of uncertainty in herself, of whether she could do this, but each one was followed by a wave of 'sure you can'. She looked at herself in the mirror, trying not to laugh. Why did these graduation gowns look so silly? She looked like a blue, fabric tent walking around. Not particularly flattering, but she really didn't care. The hat was eqaually funny to behold. Whoever had designed these things had had one heck of a sense of humor, she had to give them that. She felt better knowing that, underneath, she was wearing a very pretty dress, one that fit her far better.

She chuckled, turning away from the mirror just as her father poked his head in the door. His face was all aglow with pride, something that warmed Riley's heart more than he would ever know. His eyes shone, promising that, later on, tears would surely be shed.

"You ready, Monkey?" he grinned, taking in his little girl. All grown up. Graduating high school. The years had gone by so fast. Just thinking about it almost made him tear up.

"Ready," Riley answered confidently. With a nod, her father led her out into the hall.

This place was practically home to her. Shortly after coming to Christ, Riley and her parents had started 'church hunting', looking for that perfect church where they felt truly accepted. And they had found it here. It wasn't one of those fancy, beautifully decorated churches, and it wasn't all that large. It was, in fact, an old warehouse, that had been fixed up and rebuilt with love. For, as Riley had learned, a church was not the building, a church was the people inside it. And that was the truest thing she had ever known. These people were like family, sometimes even more than her real bloodline relatives, in that they loved each other so much. It was a place where everyone took care of each other, and everyone was cared _for_. Riley had become quite the child magnet, and nothing gave her more joy than playing with the little ones and watching over them. She had made many friends her age, as well as younger and older. Age didn't matter. She loved them all.

And that was why she was doing this. That was why she was holding her graduation ceremony at the church. Yes, it was a little unusual. Yes, it would feel a little awkward walking down the aisle by herself, but it would be worth it. Because there was something she wanted to tell them. All of them.

Her father stopped at the double doors that led into the auditorium, where Riley knew everyone was sitting; waiting. "Wait here until you hear the music, then come on out. Just like we practiced. Okay?"

Riley gave him a sure smile. She was trying not to laugh. He seemed more anxious and excited than she did. "Okay." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Love you, Dad."

His whole composer seemed to melt slightly. He gave her a hug, practically squeezing the life out of his daughter, who was now nearly as tall as he was. "Love you too." With that, he went through the doors and closed them, leaving Riley to wait by herself.

She could hear him come up on the stage, and warm up the crowd for her. She could her the laughter of a crowd, though she had no idea how many people had come. She had invited a lot of people. Her father's side of the family, her mother's side of the family, any obscure family that she could think of, and as many people from church that had somehow impacted her life that she could remember...which was basically everybody. It was very unlikely that they had all been able to come, she knew that. It was just one of the rules of invitation. You invite ten, five will come. You invite thirty, twenty will come. There was no way to tell yet how many had come to her graduation. All at once, she heard the, by now, familiar string of Pomp and Circumstance play over the church speakers.

Her cue.

With a deep, steadying breath, and a shining smile that reflected her joy, Riley went in.

And was shocked.

Every seat in the church was full. Every place that had been set was filled. Almost every person she had invited had come, and even a few she hadn't. They all rose as she entered, faces lit up in smiles, clapping with a rousing applaud that made Riley's cheeks heat up with a warm pink glow. She made her way down the aisle, trying to go as dignified and slow as she could manage. She had never liked being the center of attention, but, in this case, she had brought it on herself. She had wanted to do this, and so now, she was going to.

She made it to her designated seat, sitting beside her mother. Then the ceromony began. It was wonderful. A few people sang, there were speeches, stories, a slide show of Riley from when she was a baby up until recently, with catchy Christian music that Riley had picked herself. There were laughs, tears, chuckles, and sniffles. Riley's mom was a mess, a woman buried under a pile of tissues. And then came the big moment. With tears glistening in his eyes, Riley's dad introduced Riley, and, to the sound of loud applause, Riley made her way up onto the stage.

* * *

Joy and Fear shared the console, working together to balance Riley in a mix of anxiety and excitement. Joy was glowing very brightly, her hands held gently over the slightly less bright hands of Fear. She was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, eager to start, a big smile lighting her face with joy. Fear was also smiling, a nervous, but proud smile. He felt comforted by Joy's touch, as well as the presence of the other Emotions behind him. By now, he had learned to use his anxiety to Riley's benifit, rather than the painful bombardment of senseless fear that had plagued them before Riley had become a Christian. He knew just the right amout to give Riley, so that she would always be catious, but would always have the choice to be brave. And whenever she made that choice, like now, he was filled with such love and pride for her that he would never have been able to express it in words. She had come so far in the past few years, growing up into a fine young lady, and a strong Christian. But she was still growing, and with each new step she took she grew more. It always left Fear in awe. It left all of them in awe, even Riley herself.

 _"Hello, everyone,"_ Riley began her speech with, smiling out over the assembly. _"First of all, I'd like to thank you all for coming to my graduation. It means a lot to me to see you all here, and I appreciate it so much._ _But I didn't ask you all here just to say that. I am going to do something a little unusual_ _for a graduation; I am going to tell you my testimony."_ She took a deep breath, getting her nerves under control as Fear carefully stepped away from the console. Riley would be fine now. She was ready and rearing to go. Joy took over completely as the words just seemed to flow. _"If there is one word that I could chose to describe myself before I was a Christian, it would be 'fear'."_

The Emotions startled in surprise. _That_ hadn't been in the speech outline! They should know, they had helped Riley work on it all month! The paper lay in front of her on the podium, neatly written and carefully organized. And yet, Riley was saying things that they hadn't planned! That she hadn't planned! If she had, they would have known. This was coming from Riley's heart, not her mind.

Fear cringed at the first sentence of her speech, a prick of guilt that he had not felt in a long time coming back to haunt him. He was truly afraid of where this was going.

 _"Fear,"_ Riley repeated, emphasizing the word. _"I was afraid of everything. I was afraid of being around people. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of what other people thought of me, and I was afraid of what I thought of myself. Fear consumed me, and settled in every corner of my life. At night I would lie awake, sometimes crying because I was so afraid."_

Sadness shrunk back a little.

 _"I would have anger attacks, in which I would scream and rant, and throw things. Sometimes I accidentally hurt others. Sometimes I nearly hurt myself. It was something I couldn't control."_

Anger closed his eyes in shame.

 _"But it was all because of my fear. I was sad because of fear. I was angry because of fear. I was disgusted with myself because I was afraid that I couldn't live up to the world's standards. Fear was the center of my life, and it very nearly destroyed me."_

Fear was shaking now. He had always imagined that Riley, even after becoming a Christian, might have resented him. But it was quite a difference suspecting it, and hearing his girl say it herself in her own words. He hadn't been able to help it. He thought this had all been resolved long ago. He though she had forgiven him. Why was she digging this all back up? _Why?!_

He felt Sadness slip her hand into his, and he felt the others suround him protectively, as though they could somehow deflect those hurtful words. Those hurtful words that were so, so true. Joy gazed over at him from the console with sympathizing eyes, unable to leave her post just yet. His very soul ached. He wanted this all to end. He wanted it to-

 _"But,_ " Riley continued, cutting off Fear's negative thoughts. _"If I hadn't gone through all that; if I hadn't gone through all that anxiety, terror, worry, and fear...I never would have been saved."_

Fear gasped as though the air had been knocked out of him, not in pain, but shock. The others looked up at the screen in bewilderment, confusion evident in all their expressions.

 _"If I had never been afraid, I never would have realized how much I needed a savior. How much I needed Jesus. Fear is what God used to bring me to Him. Something that, at one time had seemed like a curse, was really a blessing in disguise. God uses our greatest weaknesses and makes them our greatest strengths. He takes the things that seem to hurt us, like suffering, and change them into something wonderful. Something beautiful."_

A tear, small and shiny, slipped down Fear's cheek, his eyes bright and a smile of pure understanding on his face. He didn't care that the others saw, they were close to tears themselves, and Sadness was already a waterfall of emotion. She leaned against the console, and Riley began to tear up a little as well.

 _"I-I don't know where I would be now if it wasn't for that fear...I don't know what I would have done without any of you, my friends and family...I...I..."_ She struggled past the lump in her throat. _"I love you all. And...A-and I encourage you, no matter what you are going through, be it fear, or grief, or anger, or hurt...please consider this: God loves you. More than you could ever imagine. I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but once you find the truth there is no doubt. The storms may come and go, and you will still have fears and anger and sadness and disgust...but the joy that will cover you through Jesus Christ will cover them all. So please, consider...I love you all too much to lose you to what almost destroyed me."_ She wiped an arm over her moist eyes with a sniffle. She flipped to the very last page of her speech, which, as of yet, she had not used. _"I would like to end with this verse, from Romans 8:28. It says,_

 _'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his_

 _purpose.'_

 _This means that, no matter how bad the things we go through may get, God has a reason and a plan to use it for good. It's how we grow. It's how He guides us. It's how we find Him...Thank you all for coming today, and, Lord, thank you for fear, for without it, I never would have found you."_ With that, she finished the speech. There was a huge round of applause, and it was enough to make Riley cry with joy.

Fear gripped his hands over his heart, his eyes shining with moist tears, but a smile lit up his face. The others gathered around him, also smiling. Also tearing up, even Anger, the toughest among them. Fear choked back a sob, one of happiness and understanding. He could barely believe what Riley had said. She had thanked God for _him_! _HIM!_ It healed all the wounds and guilt he had ever felt in his heart. It freed him, filled him with hope. He looked up into the faces of his companions, his smile growing as he stuttered.

"T-Tha-That's our girl."

The others nodded in agreement, before Joy pulled them all into a tight group hug. Fear at the center. And as Riley walked around at the reception, talking with her guests, the Emotions watched with eager eyes, at the ready to give her their all.

They couldn't wait to see where God would lead Riley next.

THE END

* * *

 **It's done! IT'S DONE! I cannot express how hard, and yet how good, it felt to write this story. I know it is very 'religious', but how can I keep something like the joy I described inside myself? It is too much for me to keep locked up! I have to share. Never, ever would I force my beliefs on anyone else. Jesus is a gift, not something to chuck at people screaming 'accept!' But this story is true. And I know I'm not the only one who struggles in this world. Believe me. This is the answer.**

 **If ever anyone has any questions, or even if you just need someone to listen to or who can pray for you, just MP me. I want to be there for others, just like God was always there for me.**

 **THANK YOU**

 **-Zeragii**


End file.
